Compromising in a relationship is especially important and difficult. We can’t properly live getting everything we want at the expense of our significant other. Both parties in a relationship have ideas, aspirations and goals that they’d like to achieve. If we are taking everything from them and not giving in return, I don’t think we can truly have a strong relationship.
I think one of the hardest things for us in life is feeling that we are losing. I played sports through college and know that it’s hard to have the feeling of losing. The idea of giving up something I really want for something less desirable is very unappealing. I think it helps to look at it from the perspective of instead of “losing” something, I am trading it for something else. Let’s take a look at the definition of compromise as it will help us to fully understand why it is difficult.
Compromise:
a: settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions
b: something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things
merriam-webster.com
I bolded the word concessions because it is important to understand the idea of a compromise. In order to compromise, we must be willing to concede on some of our wants or ideas. Compromise means that we give up something, in order to find middle ground so both parties can be happy with the outcome – it is important to note the outcome CAN’T be what either party originally wanted. Both parties must trade something they want for something their significant other wants.
Concessions:
a: the act or an instance of conceding (as by granting something as a right, accepting something as true, or acknowledging defeat)b: the admitting of a point claimed in argument
merriam-webster.com
In our society, we have created the idea that if we give up anything (such as a want) or concede on an idea, that we have now lost. I don’t think that this concept applies to marriage, but it does in other aspects of life. By giving up something we wanted for something our spouse wants, we do not lose. We are not LOSING anything at all, but trading it. When I compromise in a relationship I am TRADING something that would ONLY make ME happy, for something that will make our significant other happy (and me). I don’t think that it should be viewed as losing, but as giving or trading to share happiness.
Example:
Husband: I want to buy a brand new truck because it won’t have mechanical problems. I am not worried about the cost, but I want all the amenities. I intend on spending $50,000 to get a fully loaded vehicle.
Wife: I want my husband to be safe in a new vehicle and don’t care for all the amenities. I don’t want to spend $50,000 – I want to spend $35,000 so we still have money for Christmas and vacation.
How could a compromise work in this situation?
Compromise: They buy a lightly used truck (25,000 miles) that has all the amenities for $37,500. This compromise makes it so the husband is in something reliable and they still maintain having money for Christmas and vacation. Both parties got something they wanted – husband in a new vehicle – and both conceded on an item – brand new and price – to make it work.
So why compromise?
I think that it’s healthy for humans to be uncomfortable and not always get what they want. When we are uncomfortable we learn things that we wouldn’t otherwise. When we don’t get what we want, we may learn that we don’t really need it anyway. I feel that this happens to me quite often.
Compromising is a way that we can show our spouse we love them. It’s like saying, “I know you really want this, so I will give up something I have to make it possible for you.” We are a team working toward a common goal, so why not work to boost each other? On the flip side, I think relationships that don’t consist of compromises are unhealthy. It seems to me, most relationships without compromises are fairly selfish. What’s the point of being married if we aren’t going to work together? Single people don’t have to make compromises with anyone.
Compromising is a way that we checkup on ourselves. I like to think about what I am willing to trade when my wife and I compromise. There are times when I feel attached to something that I shouldn’t be, but am. Is a new toy worth having my spouse upset with me? Is going out with my friends instead of spending time with my wife worth fighting over? I think there are times when we should think, “Can I give this up (is it that important to me)?”
Compromising is not easy but is necessary for a relationship to thrive. Compromising is how we work on our skills of coming to agreements with our spouse. Mixing the ideas of each person is important in creating a diverse home as well. If I got everything I wanted at the expense of my wife, our home would look much different. It is crucial that we are willing to give up our wants to build our relationship.