Tag: Residency

2022 – A Year of Changes

December 30, 2022 / Aleena Brown

From Aleena:

It’s been a while since I spent time writing. Major events and important milestones are kept in my bullet journal but writing in length about my thoughts on those events is something else entirely. I feel as though this year changed every part of my life. I received new titles, started a new job, moved states. I experienced many highs and lows over the year. Some days I was so tired, I barely made it through the door before falling asleep. Some days I never wanted to end even as the clock continued to tick towards midnight. We didn’t send a Christmas card this year, so we thought a post on our year would have to suffice.

January 1^st was spent on postpartum after the early delivery of our daughter on 12/31/21. Charlotte came into the world at 4lbs 7 oz. She was a fighter. Even though she was 5 weeks early she was strong. Her blood sugar never dropped. Her temperature was well controlled. She drank well from a bottle. She was as feisty and stubborn as her namesake. If I am honest, I started the year in a very confusing position. I was overjoyed that my daughter was with me, but I was sick and felt defeated. Mentally and emotionally, I felt low. This tiny, too tiny, child was relying on me, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be okay again. My pregnancy had been wonderful, but my labor and delivery were nothing how I imagined it would be. In many ways, I felt as though my body failed me and I wasn’t sure how to move forward. Thankfully, the clock keeps ticking. My tiny child healed my heart and my body slowly healed. Those first weeks went by quickly, and I’m sure there are many women like me who feel like that time lives behind a veil. Everything seems slightly fuzzy. I’m thankful for the pictures I took to remember those days, even the hard days are worth remembering. January came and went. I’m thankful to my mom and mother-in-law who spent weeks with me, helping me learn to take care of my daughter and giving me time to heal, grieve, and move forward.

February: Adjusting a family continued as Charlotte started to grow. We celebrated 11 years together on the 12^th of February. I am amazed as how far we have come and all the things we’ve done in 11 years. The things we talked about at 15 years old were coming true. All our hard work was paying off.

March: The first half of March we waited (im)patiently for Match Day to come. I am a firm believer that God always has a plan for us even if we don’t see it. Sometimes we believe our lives are going down one path and he will send us through a different door. March 18^th, we sat in a large conference room counting down to noon. I had made my list over a month prior. I was sure I knew where we were going. God had other plans. BETTER PLANS! I opened that envelope to see I had matched at St. Joseph Regional Medical Center in Mishawaka, IN. We were going home. I expected bigger emotions that day. I heard others shouting with joy, happy tears going down their faces. I felt relief that this whole thing was over. I was happy, but I was ready to put the circus of residency match behind me. I wanted certainty of my next steps. I wanted to know we had a plan and a home. Finding our next city was step 1.

April: Beginning of April brought the end of medical school. Jacob took me out for an ice cream date to celebrate.

May: I celebrated my first Mother’s Day and 26^th birthday the first week in May. We spent time with our families and continued watching Charlotte grow and learn. Packing was in full swing. We were able to find a home to rent in Mishawaka. We would be able to move in on July 1^st. Until then we would live with my parents in South Bend. There are days I miss our home in Toledo. We had so many memories there including bringing Charlotte home. We did many renovations to make that home ours. It was difficult to know I was leaving a home that felt like mine to live in a house that would never quite feel right. However, being near our families is far more valuable. On May 20^th our families gathered as I walked across the stage to be hooded. This was my third favorite title I received with “wife” and “mama” coming in first and second. It was so nice to look up in the crowd and see my husband, daughter, and both sets of parents waving at me. I am proud of myself for accomplishing this goal! It definitely wasn’t easy but will definitely be worth it. May 28^th was our last day in Toledo. Our families helped us pack up our home and move us back to Indiana and to my parents’ home in South Bend. Our belongings were moved into storage and our suitcases came with us. This wasn’t the first time we lived with a set of parents during our transitions. I’m thankful for such good relationships that allow us to live as a multigenerational household, even for a short while.

June: Jacob and I celebrated our 6^th wedding anniversary. We spent as much time together as a family during this month before I started working on July 1^st. We took a short trip to St. Joseph, Michigan and enjoyed time outside and wandering around the town. Orientation began in the middle of the month. The first time I met my fellow interns, I knew I was in the right place. These were my kind of people!

July: I was on call July 1^st. What a strange feeling that was. I started the year on inpatient medicine. While I was on call, Jacob and his family moved us into our house in Mishawaka. I felt like I had dived headfirst into the deep end, and in all reality, I think I did. It was a strange thing to announce myself as Dr. Brown when I walked into a room. Even now, hearing someone call me “Dr. Brown” has my inner child giggling. Thankfully, most people still call me Aleena (or Mama).

I think the clock sped up because August, September, and October came and went. Work continued as I learned how to navigate the hospital, the EMR (electronic medical record), and learn from those around me. Charlotte grew and grew and suddenly my tiny, tiny baby was crawling, laughing, and evening whistling. She was eating real food and dancing to music. Some days I had more time with my family than others. We had family dinners when we could, date nights when we could, and little adventures here and there. Jacob and I had some big conversations about our future. For most of 2022, Jacob and I thought Charlotte may be our only child. We walked out of that hospital on January 2^nd with our daughter, but both of us had to heal from our experience. We spent a few weekends sitting on his parents’ back porch talking about our family and our goals and visions for the future. One Sunday in September, we were walking out of church. Charlotte was on Jacob’s shoulders, and I had this longing feeling in my chest that someone was missing and should be holding my hand as we walked out. I knew then we were meant to have another child. My hope and prayer is this next year will bring us the joy of having another child. For those who may have been like us, it is okay to change your mind about children. Whether you thought you were only meant to have one or thought you wanted more. It’s okay to change your mind and make the best decision for the family that you have. Children are truly a blessing, but they are HARD work. My feisty 35-weeker turned into a feisty 1 year old. She has taught me so many things about being a mom and about life in general, but raising a human being is tough, especially with no manual. But as the clock keeps ticking, I find myself wishing for just one more minute of newborn snuggles, of nursing, of crawling, of nighttime rocking, of afternoon naps. I look forward to the day she comes running into my arms after work and tells me about her days, afternoons spent doing arts and crafts, family ice cream nights, movies and snuggling. One of my favorite book quotes says, “don’t let the hard days win” and I do my best to remember that on my on-call days, night floats, and tough times with family. By the end of October, I found myself with a 10-month-old and finishing 4 months of residency. I had done all the core rotations and felt much more comfortable at work.

November and December brought us the holiday season. I enjoyed decorating our home and convinced Jacob to put lights on the exterior of the house. Charlotte even had her own little Christmas tree. She is obviously too young to understand Christmas but knowing this was her first, and maybe only one as our only child, I wanted to make it special. She spent time with Grandma Sharon making Christmas cookies for my work and for our families. We spent time in the snow and cuddled up at night. She had many Christmases, one with just us, one with my family and one with Jacob’s. As the only granddaughter on both sides, she was definitely spoiled. The love our families have for Charlotte is unmeasurable. I’ve enjoyed watching her build relationships with her family all year. I was able to take time off between Christmas and New Year’s. I’m extremely thankful for a program that prioritizes their residents and families. They do their best to allow us to spend important dates with our families, just another reason why I am glad God’s plans are bigger than mine. Charlotte turns 1 on 12/31. We will be celebrating with both sides of the family. There will be balloons, cake, cupcakes, and so much yummy food. The days were long, but this year flew by. I don’t know how my preemie turned into this amazing 1 year old, but I am beyond excited to see what this next year has in store for Charlotte. There may be more changes for us this next year as a family but having some constant in this world is needed. Walking into 2023 I feel like a completely different version of myself in a lot of good ways. There has been growth and healing this year that was needed in order to move forward.

Looking Ahead: I’ve already thought of some goals for myself in 2023:

Read 12 books (or more)
Write 1 blog post per month (or more)
Spend 10 minutes journaling per day in both my Bullet Journal and “Better Every Day” Journal
1 Date night per week with Jacob
1 Family Activity per week with Jacob and Charlotte
2 Weekend trips this year
Spend a couple days a month taking photos for our families and others

I want to spend more time documenting and enjoying the phase of life I am in presently. Residency and parenting are both hard yet rewarding. I want to remember these months, especially if we hope to add another member to our family this year. This year I’m choosing to enjoy the ordinary aspects of life and finding peace amongst the chaos and tiredness.

If you’ve somehow read until the end of my monologue, I hope your 2022 was filled with moments of joy and that the times of sorrow were few. I pray 2023 is full of answered prayers and new experiences for you. And if you ever want coffee, I am always excited to sit with a friend over an iced latte.

The Wenigs

December 16, 2020 / Jacob Brown

We met Michael and Allie Wenig shortly after moving to Ohio for medical school. They are 2 years ahead of my wife, which makes it possible for them to offer viable information about the future during medical school. I know that we and others have found them helpful when times are stressful and seem to be unknown. Michael is in a similar situation to me, as a husband to a medical student.

Michael works for Cru, a Christian organization, where he disciples and mentors college age students. Michael worked to provide financially while Allie was in Medical School. Most of his work involves traveling to schools, but he doesn’t let that stop him from getting his work done at home. Due to Allie’s busy schedule, Michael does most of the house work. I find myself in a similar situation trying to clean and upkeep the house as best I can.

Michael and Allie have been married since 2016, experiencing and enjoying life together. They met each other in 2012 during their freshman year of undergrad. They started dating in 2014. A while back they made a furry addition to their household with a dog named Beesly. They have had a lot of adventures and experiences together through the years and have learned from them. They offer a plethora of knowledge to those around them, and I hope you find how they handle their lives useful for yourself.

Daily Schedule

Allie is now a resident in Columbus, OH where she is working to become a Pediatrician. Being a resident requires a different work schedule than as a medical student. Michael has a highly flexible work schedule that allows him to spend time with Allie when she is available. Though she doesn’t have a lot of free time, they make the goal of having a date night each week. This helps them to have quality time when they endure long stretches without really getting to see each other. They try their best to prioritize each other before work. A good practice for them is setting a priority and target at the beginning of each week, then aiming to reach that goal. They may not have a date each week (if scheduling doesn’t permit) but they do their best to make it a consistent habit. Michael feels that medical professionals are super type A, meaning that they tend to fill each and every moment of free time if left unchecked. Taking time to sit down and talk helps them to look back at what they value first and keep their priorities in order.

Marriage
Friends/community
Work
Everything else

Michael has found the schedule changes to be beneficial over the years. Though the daily schedule doesn’t seem to be very consistent, it has allowed them to work together. With weekly and monthly changes, they have found themselves with an opportunity to progress their ability to communicate and work together. Communication is key for them in their relationship due to their nature of medical school and now residency.

With a schedule that doesn’t allow Allie to contribute maybe as much as she wants, Michael has picked up a lot of the daily and weekly tasks. Michael does about 80% of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. I am in a similar situation, and we can agree that we don’t dread it. Michael and I both have the view on our efforts as helping our wives achieve their goals. I know that my wife is busy and I want her to do well in school. This tends to mean that we (as husbands) are challenged to pick up more work so that she has more time to study when she is home.

Stressors

Michael is very familiar with stressors for Allie. The biggest stressor that he has noticed is when she compares herself to her classmates. The stress comes from a comparison between how much she studies and how much they study in correlation to their test scores. Trying to achieve some unspecified, nebulous and unreachable level of studying puts a strain on her. It can be hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when they seem to study less and score better than you. I have found this to be very common among the medical students, including my wife. It is difficult to avoid comparing yourself to others when receiving grades on tests, but it is best to avoid this practice.

Michael has developed a plan on how to help Allie relieve stress.

I tend to think if I pick up extra housework and chores it will help Allie feel better if she is stressed. Contrary to that, I’ve learned what’s most helpful is to do or say something that communicates to her I’m thinking about her. That means I either try to surprise her with a gift like flowers, a small treat from the store, or with a fun date. That could also look like taking the time to sit and ask her questions about her day and then offering encouragement, communicating that I see her hard work and I’m proud of her.
Michael Wenig

I have found this to be true in my relationship. Depending on the love language of your significant other or spouse, conveying this way may differ. It appears that Allie’s love language is “Words of Encouragement,” which would be the same as my wife. My wife finds great relief and encouragement when I let her know how well I think she is doing. Don’t get me wrong, our wives enjoy a clean living space, but it is more impactful to let her know how proud I am of her.

Allie’s primary resolution to being stressed is buckling down and working harder. Studying harder and putting in more work can bring a sense of relief for her when she is successful. It is most beneficial for her to step away and have small frequent breaks where she partakes in activities that avoid work. Taking time to play with their dog Beesly on trips that include exercise is also helpful. They both enjoy going to new places getting to spend time together.

Allie is an avid runner and will use exercise as “medicine” to help relieve daily stress and anxiety. Exercise is beneficial for a lot of reasons, but it takes a lot of commitment and effort. It is hard to push yourself to exercise but can be very rewarding. Allie has a lot of motivation and dedication, and it shows in her life daily.

Some hobbies they enjoy together are hosting people in their home and going out with friends. These times tend to be accompanied by good conversation, food and drinks. It doesn’t matter if they stay at home or go out, they enjoy having the fellowship, food, and time together.

The most impactful collective practice for Allie and Michael in reducing stress is having a spiritual discipline of Sabbath. Keeping disciplined to this has helped them in many aspects of their lives and has created a better balance of Work vs. Life. I find this to be one of the best times of the week for us as well. It gives an opportunity to spend time together without commitments and let’s us enjoy being in each other’s company.

Extracurriculars

Allie and Michael love reading, watching sports and hosting others. Hosting others and initiating activities is their favorite thing to do together. They recognize that most of Allie’s peers (and their spouses) are new to this season of life and the city. They may feel lonely, overwhelmed and desire friendship. By inviting them into their home they are able to build relationships with them.

Frequent walks and adventures with their dog Beesly create some exciting times. Beesly keeps them on their toes while they take her out on walks in parks and on trails. All three of them enjoy being out in nature in each other’s company. Beesly is a Viszla, a high energy and athletic dog breed that seems to fit in well to the Wenig’s active lifestyle.

When they are not hanging out with people (or Beesly), they also enjoy trying new drinks and making cocktails. Allie also enjoys baking desserts with Michael. There are a lot of different activities that Michael and Allie enjoy, but most of the joy comes from doing them together.

Satisfaction

Michael can see from Allie that she is 100% satisfied in her work. They try to talk at dinner or whenever they can catch up in the evening on a daily basis. They have worked hard to build a relationship culture in which they openly communicate and ask questions. They find themselves with the ability to talk about their days in marginal times of the morning, over a meal or in the evening.

Michael is a college campus missionary for Cru. He has fairly relaxed hours which allows him to be with Allie most of the time when she is home. That being said, due to working on college campuses, he finds himself busy at times when Allie is home. This kind of situation adds a little bit of stress to Michael’s life. Times were tougher when they were in medical school, but that was mostly due to the fact that they had one income.

Allie expresses interest in Michael’s work. It means a lot to Michael that she asks him about what he is doing. She does her best to stay up to date which conveys a sense of interest from her side. I find this very useful in relationships. Having a partner that shows they are interested in what you do makes a difference in motivation. I find that it affirms our actions while we are trying our best.

Finances

Michael and Allie are satisfied with their income. It can be difficult to budget and live a financially disciplined lifestyle, especially when other students appear to live extravagant lives. Living within your means may not always be the most fun, but it is very rewarding.

During medical school they were able to lively solely from Michael’s income. They had plenty of money to pay bills, go out with friends and take small trips. The main key for them is having discipline and well laid-out budget. Sticking to the budget is the hardest part by far! I have found that it’s pretty easy to make a budget, especially with different apps that available on the market. It is difficult to hold back spending when things arrive that catch our interest.

Relationship

Transitioning into medical school can be difficult. For the Wenig’s, they have had to forgive, offer graciousness, and lots of patience to one another during the transition. They set a definitive list of values and scheduled their time accordingly. Their faith and marriage have been placed at the forefront of their journey.

Allie and Michael have worked as a team through medical school. Allie does not have to go anything alone. Michael has been there to help with meals, work around the home, and help carry the burden when times were hard. He was also there in the times where she needed someone to help her celebrate. Prioritizing their marriage has helped Allie out appropriate boundaries on her time spent studying. Having a spouse pushed Allie to use her time wisely so that she could spend time with Michael and taking breaks.

Michael has not ever felt that being married has hindered them in their lives. Marriage is intended to enrich their lives, and they are experiencing it first hand. Marriage is not intended to be a unity reflecting “roommates”, but is for us to work together.

Michael strives to be the launchpad for Allie’s career. He is currently at a point in life where he works hard to support Allie. The time where he supports her will never end, but may change over time. He makes sure that Allie knows that she has worth and purpose no matter the outcome of her career. Michael strives to ensure that Allie knows that her worth isn’t tied to her job or status of her career. Setting Allie up for success and keeping their priorities in order have been some of the biggest challenges for Michael in their relationship.

Final Thought

The Wenig’s are working together to conquer schooling for Allie. She has a ways to go, but she is well over the hump. I think they are doing a great job keeping their priorities in order.

Marriage is a team effort that requires cooperation and hard work. The only way to succeed is to have the same goals in mind and support each other in their interests. The Wenigs are doing what they can to take interest in each other’s lives and support their decisions. There is something in their relationship we can all note for our own lives.