Tag: Patience

Making a HUGE life decision!

March 10, 2021 / Jacob Brown

There comes a time in nearly everyone’s life where they have to make the decision on what they are going to pursue doing for a living. For most this occurs at the completion of high school, undergrad or graduate school. Not everyone makes a long term choice on the first attempt either, sometimes it’s not than easy to find what we want to do the rest of our lives.

For those pursuing an M.D. degree like my wife, a big decision has to be made around the completion of the third year of medical school. This time of their educational career pushes them to pick what specialty they will pursue. There are many specialties within the medical field and one must be chosen for residency. My wife was torn for a long time on what she would pursue.

After looking at many different specialties and experiencing these doctors’ daily operation, my wife has chosen OB/GYN. It appears to be the best mix of surgery and patient contact. My wife enjoys getting to talk with patients building a relationship with them. A lot of the dedicated surgery specialties have little time talking with patients and this is important to her. Family medicine has a lot of contact with patients getting to know them, but my wife would prefer to have a surgery aspect to her career.

So, how did she make the decision? What were some things that she considered when making this decision?

The (almost) Doctor’s Thoughts

Hi! So, when I first started medical school I thought I wanted to go into general surgery. I loved the idea of operating and being able to use my hands to fix a problem. I loved anatomy and wanted to spend every day getting to use that knowledge. I didn’t think I wanted long term patient continuity and I wasn’t sure about long clinic days.

The summer between M1 and M2 year, I did an anatomy elective that allowed me to focus on the female reproductive system. I was able to do my own dissection and learn about some common procedures. I fell in love with the pelvic anatomy. From there I started doing some more research. A not so secret secret: OB/GYNs are amazing surgeons! M2 year brought lectures and book work on the reproductive system and I came out of that class with a pretty good idea that this was the right field. But first, I needed to experience it in real life.

Some of my thoughts changed when I got into third year. I wanted to find a specialty where I could use my full potential. I wanted it to fit my personality. I wanted it to fit with my goals outside of medicine. Jacob and I started talking more about the life we wanted to have outside of medical school and residency. What were the goals we wanted for our life? For our family? That’s when I knew I needed to find a specialty that would also be supportive of my life outside of medicine.

As I went through each rotation I talked with the physicians about their lives, why they chose that field, and the highs and lows of that specialty. I crossed off some specialties right away. I didn’t want a lot of down time. I get bored a little too easily. I didn’t want super sick patients. Intensive care is a little too sad and frustrating. I liked kids, but I didn’t want to only take care of kids. By Christmas, I knew that I was between General Surgery and OB/GYN. I decided OB/GYN was the best option after my clerkship in January. The residents and attendings love their work and are happy even during the long hours. On service, I saw women in all stages of life supporting each other as they learn to become the best physicians they can be. The combination of surgery and clinic keeps the days interesting. I love that I will be able to care for women throughout their lives and be with them for some very important occasions. This specialty will allow Jacob and I to move back to a more rural community and fits well with our vision of the future.

Final Thoughts

Making big life decisions is hard. It causes a lot of stress and worry which makes the process difficult. I have found through our processes that considering the following can guide us on our path.

What is the most valuable thing in my life?
Is this decision the biggest thing in my life?
If I were not to proceed with this decision, would I still feel satisfied in life?
What steps can I take to eliminate other options?
When it comes to careers, if I were to lose this opportunity, what else do I still have?
How can this career help me achieve my life goals?
Will my life goals be blocked by choosing this career?
Will my job choice influence my family life positively?
How can I have a career and a family?
Does one choice offer better benefits?
Do I feel that one will be a career and one a job?

How do I progress with a failed plan in life?

December 2, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife is a planner which is useful in so many ways. We have a lot of commitments and it helps to have a plan set forward before embarking on new adventures. Planning for different life events has helped us avoid being unprepared and see potential failures. I enjoy planning some things in life but prefer to go with the flow in most circumstances. Many people prefer to make plans, which are often shifted, and I thought it would be worth discussing how I practice staying relaxed, accepting outcomes, and rolling with the punches. So, when life doesn’t follow my plan how do I deal with the changes?

My Plan of Attack

I tend to follow a process to handle situations where changes occur. My way of handling these changes isn’t perfect, but it works well for most situations. I have broken it out into the following 5 steps.

Look at the situation as a whole picture.
Determine the severity of the situation.
Find the problem.
Plan steps to solve the problem.
Execute the original or new goal.

A Scenario

Let’s say I am planning to purchase a used car from a local dealership. I own a good driving vehicle but am looking for an upgrade. I search online and find a model of vehicle that I like and spend an extensive amount of time studying. I have looked at lots of reviews and find that this vehicle fits my needs and would make a great long term buy. I look at some local dealerships for a few weeks and notice that a new listing has been posted for the vehicle of my interest. I also notice that there are a few listing further away in some nearby towns.

On a Saturday, the only day I am free, I go on a test drive in the vehicle and discover that it has some minor issues, but is still in excellent condition. All-in-all it seems like a great vehicle, listed at a perfect price point for my budget.

After my test drive I arrive back at the dealership to discuss purchasing with a salesperson. I inform them that I should be able to make a decision soon but would like to look around more at other options. They are left with my phone number, and I tell them I could be back in 1 week to make the purchase.

Before I have time to return, I receive a call from the dealership that the vehicle has sold.

A Distant Analysis

Looking at the situation from a distance I see the following facts.

There was a local vehicle for sale.
I know the model of vehicle I want.
I know the price I want to pay.
I liked how the vehicle drove.
I know what price people will pay.
It sold quickly.

A Calculated Severity

In this situation I would look at the repercussions from missing out on purchasing this vehicle.

I didn’t make the purchase and have to continue driving my current vehicle.
I may end up having to pay more and potentially less for a similar vehicle.
I get to keep my money a little longer.
I have more time to branch out my search.

Looking at the list above, missing out on purchasing this vehicle will not have harsh repercussions. I still have my good running car to fall back on and have learned more information on the process of purchasing a used car. I liked that vehicle, but there are others ones that are for sale. If I were to have made this purchase, which is the first that came available, I would not know what else is out there.

Snoop Around

I find it productive to look at why I was not able to purchase that vehicle.

I was not ready to make the purchase at the time of the test drive and decided to wait. I have given an opportunity for someone else to swoop in and make the purchase. I should consider being prepared to make the purchase upon visiting the dealership to lessen my chances of this happening again.

I’ve got (another) Plan!

In this scenario, I have no other choice but to create a new plan. The vehicle that I was interested in purchasing sold to someone else, so it is not available for me.

The new plan is to find another vehicle for sale and put in the work to make the purchase.

Pressing On

In this step I should be putting in the work to find another vehicle for sale. This requires me putting in the work to search dealerships, private sellers, and possibly a larger radius to find the vehicle for me. I can push forward using the previous experience to guide me on my future decisions.

Some new things that I have learned is that I should be ready to buy upon inspecting the vehicle. If I go in unprepared for purchase, there is a chance I can lose the opportunity again.

Understanding the Situation

It is said a lot, but try try again. Being optimistic and looking at the situation from a positive perspective makes a huge difference. When I fail, or feel as if I have failed, I prefer to look at the situation as maybe I avoided some sort of issue. Was I supposed to succeed? Was my blocked path actually protecting me?

Maybe the vehicle I was trying to purchase had a lot of issues. That vehicle may have had engine or transmission problems, which would have resulted in expensive repairs. Maybe the vehicle would only last me a year or two before breaking down. It’s hard to tell, but like I said, I prefer to think of blocked life paths in this way. Due to the fact that I didn’t make the purchase, I won’t know the end result for the vehicle. But I choose to think that maybe I wasn’t supposed to go down that path. Maybe the path that I missed out on wasn’t the path for me, and my next path could be better. Not every path with challenges is a path worth losing, but it is hard to tell when that is the case. There are times when putting in the work to go down the path becomes too much.

In my scenario, I could have tried to find out who bought the vehicle. I could have them tracked them down and made them an offer. Would this be wise? I’m probably going to end up spending a lot more money than if I went out and found a different vehicle. There are times in life where we may need to do this, but it is hard to tell when it is what we should do.

A Final Thought

When looking back at the scenario above, put something from your life as the vehicle that was sold before you could buy it. Maybe your road block is a job you wanted, a car, a relationship, or a life event. It’s hard to come back from some of our failures or losses, but we can learn from them. We may not get what we want, but I believe we are pushed down paths for what we need.

I believe that we are led paths for certain reasons in our lives. There is a path we are made to go on and it tends to be a path we don’t understand. It tends to be a path that if we knew before hand, we would be too scared to go down. We would more than likely feel like quitting or seeking a new path due to what we see ahead.

This is also why I tend not to worry about what’s ahead, and try to view new challenges as something that builds us up stronger than before. That doesn’t mean that I don’t worry or get nervous, because I do. We can learn from the blocked paths and lost ventures, using that information to progress on our next attempt a little further.

Habakkuk Chapter 1

The Lows are Low

November 18, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. All of us have felt this at some point. Whether we get sick or have a family member pass, there will be a time when we are not happy. And that’s ok. When life is going well and we are on the ups, the downs can hit us hard.

My wife has had hard experiences during her life that have crippled her mentally, and made it hard for her to complete daily tasks. She is tough, but not invincible. Recently she made a post on social media that I think is worth sharing. The female perspective is different on these topics than mine, and that’s good. My wife feels and notices a lot more in some aspects than I do.

My wife is amazing and wrote this really well. She has been having a lower time in her life, though things are going well. Some of the frustration for her seems to come from where we are in life. There are a lot of decisions to be made and she feels like we are kind of stuck. Read the following message from her and see if you can relate.

“This is important. Pay attention.

What does depression look like to you?

I want to be honest. Like really honest. My timeline is full of happy pictures. Smiles and love. Family and friends. Next steps in my medical school journey. Memories of good times. That’s all great and life is full of wonderful moments…

But.

Life also has valleys. Times of sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and fear.
And when I find myself in those valleys, they just seem a little deeper and a little darker than others.

“Aleena, why are you sad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, why are you mad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, let’s go out” … maybe another time.
“Why aren’t you reading?” … I don’t want to.
“Why don’t you take pictures?” … I don’t have the energy.
“Let’s take a walk.” … I don’t know if I can move.

“Well if you don’t know, then why stay sad? Why stay angry? Why worry?”
…
I don’t know.

And I’m being honest. I don’t have an answer for these questions.

Please know I know that God has a plan for me. Please know that I know that there is good all around me. Please know I know it doesn’t help to focus on the negative. Please know I know it’s not productive to worry. Please know I know my God is in control. Because I know all this. It doesn’t change the fact that the valley is still deep and dark and it will take me time to climb out of it.

I’m so excited for each new rotation. I’m so excited to pick my specialty. I’m so excited to be an aunt. I’m so excited for the holidays. I’m so excited for Jacob and I’s next steps. I’m so excited for our future, my future.

I know things will get better, but right now, it’s about surviving. And surviving is enough. Surviving is good. Surviving is the first part of climbing out.

Please don’t worry or freak out. I’m ok. I am loved and taken care of. As my husband told me today, I have an army behind me ready to help and I am thankful for every single one of them.

So. If you happen to find yourself in the deep, dark valleys… I see you. I understand.

And I’m here. For the car rides. For the coffees. For the smoothies. For the silence. I’m here. And we survive together. We climb out together.

This year has been tough on all of us. Check in on each other. Realize that sometimes words can’t describe how someone is feeling. Just be there. That’s enough. And remember, valleys can’t be valleys without the mountain tops. You just have to keep moving forward ❤️

With love, Aleena”

My Learnings

I hear from my wife when she has had a bad day, week, or month that she doesn’t want to do much. It’s not easy for me to communicate with her because I tend not to get a response. I choose to make the decisions for her and nudge her to come with me to get out and avoid just sitting on the couch. I find it beneficial for her and it helps me to better understand her.

I’m still learning how to help her and handle these low points. My goal isn’t to make her happy instantly, but to make sure she knows that I am here. I try to make sure that she knows she is safe, loved, and things will get better. I have found some success in taking her out on a drive or to a park. Getting her mind off whatever she is thinking about and more into explaining and talking to me seems to help. It can be hard for her to talk, and hard for me to understand but it is beneficial for both of us.

Take time to listen. Take some mental notes and find some strategies to keep your spouse happy. Find what they need, which may not be what they want. Be patient, kind, and cautious. Use this time to learn about your spouse and do your best to be there to help them.

Med School Pros #1

August 5, 2020 / Jacob Brown

There are a lot of things going on in medical school that stresses the students and their families. I don’t want to paint a picture for current and upcoming students that medical school is just a terrible time where you are stressed and have a hard time living your life. It’s not that way. Yes it is hard, from my wife’s experiences and what I observe, but there are pros for being in this stage of life. This will be a continuous thread that I want to keep adding to as they come up, but here are a few of them right now.

Make new friends. Just like every school experience we have had so far, there are other people attending that share our interests. We are not the kind of people that need a lot of friends to feel content, but a few good friends to fill that void in our lives. It can be hard to manage having a lot of friends anyway, but some people can do it. Making new friends has allowed us to find people that share our interests. This is important for us because by finding people we can hang out with, we are able to discuss deeper topics or just have fun with other couples. I know that my wife has enjoyed making new friends because it allows her to get to relate to someone. I know that I am her husband, but there are things that I can’t and won’t ever totally understand. She has made some female friends that she can relate to and have good conversations.

If you haven’t ever tried, join a group of people with similar interests. School sanctioned groups exist in the graduate school level just as they do in undergrad. We have had the opportunity to make friends and have some good times with the people as well.

Experience a work environment. If you are a medical student, more than likely you have not had a true experience in the workforce. I know some of the medical students have had a job before going back to school to become an MD or DO, but it is not very common. Summer jobs allow a person to gain some experience of what it is like to be in the hierarchy of a business, but it can also be misleading. A lot of time the “summer help” roles are not very serious, and have little responsibility. Most of the work is little things that businesses need done on the side, but have not had a lot of time to complete. This is not true for every summer job, but I have found it relevant. It is impossible for medical students to have summer jobs while in school, which is all year. Without being able to have a summer job, they can not procure money to live during the school year either.

During school this summer my wife has been able to work in hospitals with doctors to get experience of what it is like to be on the job. She is now working with an Orthopedic Surgeon, which has also been a great experience. This cycle of her school year is in a rural location, which has been a change from being in a larger more urban hospital.

Create lifelong experiences. This is probably a little cliche, but it is true. The time that the medical students spend in school will impact them for the rest of their lives. The relationships that are made, the experiences, and the time to grow in this environment are all important. This time is hard, and will shape the student into a doctor.

Start to find your stride in life. For some students this is the first time that they are truly away from their parents and family. It can be hard for them to cope with the change. This might be the first time that they are “adulting” and being self-sufficient. During this time they really get to find how they want to live life, and what path they will go down for their career. There are a lot of choices they have to make during this time as well. They have to choose how much to take on loans, where to live, who to hang out with and much more. All of these decisions make them who they are, and allow them to make their life their own.

Try new things. Medical School in general is a big change for the student. They have never taken classes in medical school before, and don’t really have an idea of what is ahead when they first start school. I remember my wife’s first week of school. She had just spent the entire summer, the last real summer vacation, relaxing and getting settled into the area. When classes started she realized they were much different than the classes in undergrad. This isn’t a bad thing, but it is a change and is something to learn. She told me quite often how much more independent the student has to be in medical school compared to undergrad. There is very little assistance from the professors, or doctors, and a lot of the work is just left up to the student to accomplish.

Take the time during medical school to try new things. Whether it be food, trips, hobbies, or making friends, it is a good time to take on new challenges.

4th Wedding Anniversary

June 17, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. We got married between our sophomore and junior year of undergrad, in 2016. It has been an awesome experience being married while in college, and I think we have been able to answer quite a few questions for other couples. We enjoy talking with couples that are looking at getting married or are dating while in college.

When your spouse is in medical school there are times that you have to squeeze fun activities into small windows. As an example, we chose to celebrate our anniversary together by going on a day trip. We also looked at the cost to stay somewhere, and decided that we could do a day trip and be satisfied with our time together.

We left our house and headed toward Cleveland, OH to visit Cuyahoga National Park. Neither of us had been there, and it seemed like it would be a nice place to visit together. The weather forecast was good, and walking on the trails and riding in the car together would give us a lot of time to talk to each other. We are both fairly busy, and getting busier, so we decided this would be a nice trip. Our goal for the trip was to get out in nature and spend time together. We don’t get to talk to each other enough, and this was a great opportunity to do so.

We were also able to drive around the Cleveland area to see what it has to offer. Cleveland is a potential residency location, so we decided to drive around the neighborhoods just to see what they looked like. We visited the West Side Market as well. It was a cool experience having vendors selling goods in a bustling building. I can see how it would be filled with people buying meats, vegetables, breads, and confections later in the summer. Due to COVID-19 limiting people in buildings, it was not too busy.

We ended up eating at a nearby restaurant for lunch, then headed to Brandywine Falls, our first stop on the trip. For me, this was the most memorable location. The view of the falls is calming, and I’m pretty sure it was my wife’s favorite.

We ended up not staying in the Cleveland area for dinner and headed home. This worked out well. We went to the store and bought crab legs and some bread and planned to have our Anniversary Feast at our house the next day. This also allowed us to save some money, and get to spend more time together.

Tips for the reader.

Value the little things. Every trip or vacation you take with your spouse doesn’t need to be extravagant. Making a day trip to a scenic location is simple and cheap. Spending time together getting to talk can help you deepen your relationship, and get to know each other more.

Support your spouse. Your relationship will be way better if you can support your spouse in their life goals. I am finding new ways all the time to support my wife. A recent one is finding ways to take day trips or go to parks. It really helps her keep her stress levels down.

Take a cheap trip. Trips don’t have to be expensive in order to be entertaining or fun. As an example, the parks we went to were free, our lunch was $15, and we spent about $20 on gas for the entire trip. Not too bad for visiting a new city and going on a new adventure together.

Third Year Start

June 10, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife it at the cusp of beginning her third year of medical school. She has kind of started already, but she is just doing an online class due to COVID-19 keeping most medical students out of hospitals. Soon she will be shadowing doctors in their workplace, experiencing more of what is like to be a doctor and less of a classroom setting. From my experience a classroom setting is good for building some background information, but it can’t totally educate a person on a task that will be performed. As an example, in the United States we typically don’t have children read a book on how to swim, then push them into a pool on their own expecting them to swim perfectly. It takes time and practice within the workforce to gain important skills that can’t be obtained within a classroom.

My wife signed up for a year long layout of clerkships. She will be watching (and hopefully assisting) doctors in field that in orthopedics, surgery, OB/GYN, family practitioners, and many more. This year looks like it will allow her to try a lot of different specialties, which should in turn help her pick what she would like to go into as her career.

A new experience. A lot of medical students have job shadowed before, but not on the level that they will embark during their third year of school during clerkships. Most of schooling that they have experienced has been classroom work, which makes this changeover a totally new experience. I view it as one of the most important steps in becoming a doctor. The students have the background information, now it is time to apply it and tie all of the information together.

Change in learning style. I have found that there are people that excel in classroom learning, and there are people who excel in hands-on learning. My wife happens to be someone who is very good at both. I know that she is better at classroom learning than me, and she loves hands-on learning. Being able to apply what we know is crucial as it is the way that we make it all useful.

Schedule changes. Now that she will be shadowing doctors in clerkships, she won’t be in a classroom daily. She will have to travel to the doctors work, a hospital or clinic, for learning. Not only will she have to drive to their location, she will be on their schedule. This can be a little bit sporadic, but the schedule should be fairly consistent. The schedule is dependent on what specialty she will be shadowing at the time.

My wife has done a lot of research to figure out exactly what she needs in order to be successful in the clerkships. She has done shopping for shoes and other clothes. A big portion of what she has been looking at lately is office supplies. Make sure that you never run out of pens or are unprepared to take notes. Another thing that she has been interested in is what to keep in your white coat on a daily basis. This includes everything from office supplies to snacks. There are times that she won’t be able to take a normal lunch or break, and it’s good to be prepared for those times.

Third year looks like it will be a good change from the first two years. It will allow the medical students to grow more and increase their abilities to have relation with patients. They also get to step into the life of practicing doctors, and learn from them directly.

Tips for the reader.

Research online. Looking at forums or other blog posts can help you find what you may need. Being prepared will make you more comfortable and confident.

Ask past third year students. Past students are a simple source to find out what you may need. They have been through it, and they can help you decipher between what you need, and what you don’t.

Do what makes you comfortable. Within reason, and any guidelines set forward by the program, do what makes you comfortable. If you are uncomfortable all the time, it will make it much harder to focus and do your best. This applies to everything from shoes to your hair style.

Passing Time

June 3, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Something that I think Americans are generally bad at is passing time while keeping themselves busy. I know that as I have gotten older the number of young kids that go outside to play has lessened. There are a lot more activities for them indoors within television and video games. I grew up with just the “farmer 5” tv stations and did not have internet at my house until I was about 15 years old. When I was bored, I went outside and got dirty. I played games like kickball, volleyball, and basketball. I constructed stuff out of wood that didn’t make any sense, and I built stuff out of LEGO’s. There seems to be a disconnect with people today in all of these activities.

Being patient is one of the hardest things that we can do, and it shows. Most of us are terrible at being patient. There are events in life, big or small, that will make us wait. We are trained from a young age that we don’t need to wait for anything here in the US. We have fast food, fast internet, immediate results on tests, and much more. Our culture is fast paced and it can be a challenge to be patient.

My wife spends a lot of time studying, and I have found that passing time is easiest if my mind is busy. Keeping myself busy is not an easy task, there are a lot of times where I just want to do nothing but sit and watch tv. It can be a challenge to get up and get something done when I don’t have to. The motivation to keep busy mostly just my wanting. I want to build projects, hunt, fish, home remodeling, and work on cars. I don’t have to do any of those things.

Food. We have plenty of money to buy our food. I don’t need to hunt and fish in order for us to survive, but I want to do these things for the challenge. I enjoy the reward that come with these kinds of activities. If you were to go ask hunters the main reasons while they hunt, a lot of them will say that it is for the food, fun, and the challenge. In my opinion, stating that you hunt and fish for food is the most “politically correct” statement. The other reasons have to accompany the food aspect otherwise it is much more difficult to want to do it. If you’re not having fun, it may not be for you.

Construction. I have been remodeling our basement at our house. I could pay someone to do the work for me, it would make it faster. I do the work myself because I have time and need something to do after work. Some other benefits are we get to have a layout that fits our needs. We also get to make it our space and have the pride of doing the work ourselves.

Auto work. I don’t need to work on my car and perform my own maintenance. For me, if I don’t do it I feel lazy. I have the ability and the time, so why not. I also gain the experience and am more in tune with the stuff that I own.

Exercise. Now that the weather is warm I have been looking to get back into riding my bike. My wife and I like to take strolls in the metro parks when she is available. Otherwise, I take my bike to parks or ride through town when the weather is good. Not only does this provide some exercise, but it allows me to have more time to think.

TV. Definitely something that I think we should give ourselves in moderation. Most of what I watch on TV is not cable or any network of television stations. I usually stick to online video services and watch tv show episodes or movies that I haven’t seen in a while. Along with this, video games should be played in moderation. They are certainly fun, but a lot of it can drive a person into a hole of solitude. It can be a little bit hard to have friends or get out of the house if I’m sitting on the couch watching tv or playing video games for hours.

There are a lot more things that people can and should be doing to occupy their time. It is important to me to try to be productive, though it doesn’t always happen. So try to get out and find something new, or find a group of people that are doing what you want to try.