Tag: Money (Page 1 of 2)

Making a HUGE life decision!

March 10, 2021 / Jacob Brown

There comes a time in nearly everyone’s life where they have to make the decision on what they are going to pursue doing for a living. For most this occurs at the completion of high school, undergrad or graduate school. Not everyone makes a long term choice on the first attempt either, sometimes it’s not than easy to find what we want to do the rest of our lives.

For those pursuing an M.D. degree like my wife, a big decision has to be made around the completion of the third year of medical school. This time of their educational career pushes them to pick what specialty they will pursue. There are many specialties within the medical field and one must be chosen for residency. My wife was torn for a long time on what she would pursue.

After looking at many different specialties and experiencing these doctors’ daily operation, my wife has chosen OB/GYN. It appears to be the best mix of surgery and patient contact. My wife enjoys getting to talk with patients building a relationship with them. A lot of the dedicated surgery specialties have little time talking with patients and this is important to her. Family medicine has a lot of contact with patients getting to know them, but my wife would prefer to have a surgery aspect to her career.

So, how did she make the decision? What were some things that she considered when making this decision?

The (almost) Doctor’s Thoughts

Hi! So, when I first started medical school I thought I wanted to go into general surgery. I loved the idea of operating and being able to use my hands to fix a problem. I loved anatomy and wanted to spend every day getting to use that knowledge. I didn’t think I wanted long term patient continuity and I wasn’t sure about long clinic days.

The summer between M1 and M2 year, I did an anatomy elective that allowed me to focus on the female reproductive system. I was able to do my own dissection and learn about some common procedures. I fell in love with the pelvic anatomy. From there I started doing some more research. A not so secret secret: OB/GYNs are amazing surgeons! M2 year brought lectures and book work on the reproductive system and I came out of that class with a pretty good idea that this was the right field. But first, I needed to experience it in real life.

Some of my thoughts changed when I got into third year. I wanted to find a specialty where I could use my full potential. I wanted it to fit my personality. I wanted it to fit with my goals outside of medicine. Jacob and I started talking more about the life we wanted to have outside of medical school and residency. What were the goals we wanted for our life? For our family? That’s when I knew I needed to find a specialty that would also be supportive of my life outside of medicine.

As I went through each rotation I talked with the physicians about their lives, why they chose that field, and the highs and lows of that specialty. I crossed off some specialties right away. I didn’t want a lot of down time. I get bored a little too easily. I didn’t want super sick patients. Intensive care is a little too sad and frustrating. I liked kids, but I didn’t want to only take care of kids. By Christmas, I knew that I was between General Surgery and OB/GYN. I decided OB/GYN was the best option after my clerkship in January. The residents and attendings love their work and are happy even during the long hours. On service, I saw women in all stages of life supporting each other as they learn to become the best physicians they can be. The combination of surgery and clinic keeps the days interesting. I love that I will be able to care for women throughout their lives and be with them for some very important occasions. This specialty will allow Jacob and I to move back to a more rural community and fits well with our vision of the future.

Final Thoughts

Making big life decisions is hard. It causes a lot of stress and worry which makes the process difficult. I have found through our processes that considering the following can guide us on our path.

What is the most valuable thing in my life?
Is this decision the biggest thing in my life?
If I were not to proceed with this decision, would I still feel satisfied in life?
What steps can I take to eliminate other options?
When it comes to careers, if I were to lose this opportunity, what else do I still have?
How can this career help me achieve my life goals?
Will my life goals be blocked by choosing this career?
Will my job choice influence my family life positively?
How can I have a career and a family?
Does one choice offer better benefits?
Do I feel that one will be a career and one a job?

A Short Recap of 2020

January 14, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Obstacles in life give us opportunities to find ways to manage change. Our time spent in 2020 gave many different obstacles to cross and taught us many lessons. I wouldn’t say that 2020 was a great year for most people, but I think we can learn a lot from the events that influenced our lives and the medical student community.

January

January started off as a normal time for us. My wife was going to school regularly without any hiccups. I went to work without having to do anything special, like wear a mask, and partook in normal work activities. During this time my wife was approaching taking the Step 1 exam. Near the end of the month on January 21, 2020 the first COVID-19 case was reported in the United States by the CDC. At the time, we didn’t think it would cause such great repercussions in our lives, but we would soon find out the extent of the disruptions.

February

My wife was in the phase of school where she needed to start studying for Step 1 as I have said previously. For the most part, she could do her schooling from home so disruptions in the hospitals and school were not a problem for her learning. February was the time when the United States began to proactively react to COVID-19, which meant restrictions for gathering.

Medical school is different than most learning centers from what I have seen. Most of my wife’s classes are optional for attending in-person and a lot of students choose to learn from home. This is something that was established long before 2020 and I think has helped the students to continue their education through the Pandemic. At the tail end of February my wife finished M2 year and began her dedicated study time for Step 1. This created a lot of isolation for her preceding the isolation that was to come from COVID-19.

Fun fact: We celebrated 9 years together on Feb 12.

March

This was the month where social distancing began to really take hold of Ohio. The state started limiting group sizes which cut down on people’s movement and gatherings. This also began creating isolation for a lot of people. I had been fortunate enough at this time to continue working while my wife studied for Step 1.

My wife began isolation 6 weeks before her scheduled date for Step 1. She studied about 10-12 hours per day, 7 days per week during this time. As the date approached we were worried of date changes due to gathering limitations at the testing centers. Our fears became a reality near the end of March. Her date was cancelled in the middle of March. She was given the option to take it again 2 weeks later. This was the first time she changed her date.

April

My wife’s original test date for Step 1 was April 3. With limitations on group sizes testing centers began to cancel the students current opportunity for testing. My wife’s testing date was cancelled and ultimately was moved to a date about 6 more weeks out. We hoped that being 6 more weeks there would be a better flow or testing allow her to participate. She had changed her date about 4 times before getting it set to May 19.

Her test didn’t happen at this time either. Her new testing date was set for Oct 8. She made the decision May 1 to cancel her May date and take 2 weeks off before M3 year began. At this point, she had spent nearly 11 weeks by herself 12 hours a day.

May

My wife’s birthday is in May! We started taking day trips for fun so that we could spend more time together. Day trips are fun and the cost is fairly low, especially when compared to staying overnight somewhere.

I tried to make her birthday special even though we couldn’t do anything fancy with a bunch of people. Thankfully, she is always happy with a walk by the lake and some ice cream.

Aleena started M3 year on May 18. Her class was online and she spent her time at home preparing for clerkships. This would be the year she entered the hospitals to work. With the craziness going on in the hospital, her clerkship schedule changed drastically. Each of her rotations were shortened and she wouldn’t get into her first rotation until the end of June.

June

We made a day trip to Cuyahoga Falls just outside Cleveland, OH. We had never been there and it seemed like a good place to site see. We drove over early in the morning and hit up some of the major spots and hiked around on trails.

We intended on staying for a nice dinner, but made the decision to head home a little early. It was about a 3 hour drive and it was nice to drive home in the daytime. I made up for the change in dinner plans by making a seafood bake in my smoker!

July

4th of July wasn’t cancelled, but it was significantly smaller than 2019. We don’t usually do anything extravagant for the 4th, but this year we didn’t have the option. It seemed that most people had smaller events.

Aleena was busy with her surgery clerkship and I was working. We started getting comfortable with long days and early bedtimes.

August

The month of my birthday! As with everything that happened this year, we didn’t do anything extravagant. I usually prefer to go out to eat with my wife and spend some quality time with her. We were still able to do that which is good.

September

After all the rescheduling it was finally time for my wife to prepare for Step 1 (again…). Most of September was spent with her studying at home. We would go to the parks to give her a break and enjoy the nice weather.

October

My wife was able to get into a testing location in October. It wasn’t an easy, or short, road to this point but it was worth it. The studying and isolation was hard on her, but I believe it made her stronger today. By the end of the month we found out she passed! We were incredibly grateful for the outcome after such an unexpected road. At the end of October was Halloween, which was greatly disrupted by the pandemic.

November

Celebrating Thanksgiving was much different for us this year. Last year we were able to host some of the medical students at our house for a small celebration. This year we were not able to do so due to group size, so maybe next year. We were able to safely see our families for the holiday. It was really important for my wife to spend some time with her parents.

December

The holidays came around. We managed to spend some time with my family and with hers. It can get hard at time to spend a late Friday night driving to our family’s homes, but we enjoy their company. My wife spent most of her break with her parents. This way she wouldn’t be alone during the week. Maybe next year we will be back to normal, or at least something similar to 2019.

Closing Thoughts

For those that know my wife, you know that my wife is tough. She has accomplished more in medical school than I feel I did during all of my schooling. She has been persistent and composed through medical school in testing and studying. Now that she is working in hospitals she has been able to put the rest of her talents to good use.

2020 was much different than any year we had experienced in our lifetime. Lots of restrictions were placed on what we can do outside of our home. We are hoping that 2021 will bring better news and be more prosperous for us all.

The Brazen Rediscovery of the Bottomless Wallet

December 23, 2020 / Jacob Brown

I’m sure that others can relate when I say that the holiday season causes the urge to give (and spend money). People want to give their time, money and goods to help others so that we can all have a wonderful holiday season. Lots of people like to give, but it can be difficult depending on their financial situation.

I have found that “my heart is bigger than my wallet“ on many occasions. There are people in my life that I want to give to, but I can’t afford to do so on the intended level. That being said, it doesn’t stop me from giving what I can to those around me in my life.

The Bottomless Wallet

The “bottomless wallet” has the power of mind control. It calls to the owner, taunting them to open it. Soon after being coaxed, they are put in a trance that blinds them from sound thinking and judgement. The bottomless wallet has the power to take us down before realizing what we have done.

This is obviously a bit of humor, but it is how it feels sometimes. When I get out my wallet, there are times that I feel I should make a purchase. Sometimes I lose sight of exactly what I should be buying for, and the kind of items that I am purchasing. We have lots of influences in our lives swaying us to buy products and it can be hard to keep our cards and cash in our pocket.

Every year around the holidays the amount of purchases seems to climb. I tend to make some larger purchases while I hope to get a good deal. I rediscover the influence that the items for sale have on my life. It’s not something that we tend to notice, but we get attached to a certain lifestyle or particular item in our life.

A Christmas Budget Struggle

Every year I set a budget and make the attempt to stick to it for gifts. Since I started making the goal for myself, about 6 years, I have not once kept myself from overspending. There are just too many things for sale during the holiday season that seem to catch my eye. There are gifts available for my wife, our parents (my wife’s and mine) and my siblings. It can be hard not to buy things, especially when the items seem to be the “perfect gift”.

Though my bank account has a limit, my wallet seems to be bottomless. When making purchases I can just swipe and swipe and swipe without any obstacles in my way. This is especially relevant when the expenditures are charged to a credit card, instead of my debit card. I’m sure that you have had some of the same situations in your life. It can be hard not to spend money, especially when we can see that our bank account has a balance.

This is exactly what is intended for consumers and it can be hard not to fall into the trap. Items go “on sale” bringing people into stores giving them the sense that they are getting a deal on goods. It can be difficult to hold back from spending, but it can be the difference between hitting your budget or overspending. With the growing amount of online retailing in the United States, I have found it easier to stick to a budget. Once I get my little grubby paws on something tangible, it can be much harder to put it back on the shelf.

The Broken Budget

In order to hit my set goal for spending I have often asked myself a few questions:

Is my budget too small?
Should my budget be larger?
Do I need more self control?

For the most part I lean toward having a lack of self control. It is really hard to get gifts for our families and friends without going over budget. Even when setting a dollar limit, it’s hard to choose how much to spend the money. It doesn’t matter what I set my limit to be, I will usually go over. I’m sure that others are in the same boat, and it can be frustrating from the standpoint of our personal finances.

It’s not that I don’t think that the recipients of my gifts deserve less, but there are times where I can’t afford the gift that might be “perfect” for them. This is something that I have to accept when considering how much to spend on others and overall during the holiday season. I have not figured out exactly how much to spend during the holidays and probably won’t find a perfect number.

I have found that being generous with others shouldn’t (or can’t) be measured. I don’t think that we can look at two people and measure how generous they are and pick who is a better person. The amount of money that we spend during the holidays in not indicative of how much we love those around us. There is much more to our relationships with others than a price tag. We may not have to spend a lot on those around us, but I think there are times that warrant larger transactions. I tend to lean toward the idea of larger transactions being necessary to help someone fulfill their needs, not wants.

Final Thought

The main focus of this post is to be proactive and generous with others. We should try to put others before ourselves, though it is a hard task. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t care for ourselves (that is the wrong idea) but we aim our sights on helping others first. I have failed many times, and often, at putting others before myself. Trying again each year with a consistent record of falling short. Maintaining outward focus is hard, especially when we have wants of our own.

Retiring at 32 Years Old

November 11, 2020 / Jacob Brown

People tend to assume (jokingly) that I have married for the money. That isn’t totally true, since I have less money now than ever. I tend to tell them that I married for the “future” money, and just haven’t gotten my return yet on my investment. This is a joke, of course, but for whatever reason this is the first thing that comes to the minds of people I meet when I tell them that my wife is in medical school. Something that I have been wondering about lately is why? Why is this the first thing that comes to their mind? There are a lot of other ideas that come to mind why I married my wife, and none of them are for the money.

It can be difficult to tell whether or not we are doing well as a spouse in our relationships. We can only try our best, and try to play our cards in the best way possible. There are typical roles for brides and grooms in a married relationship, and I am going to describe why an atypical role (like mine) as a husband is exactly what husbands should be doing in the way of finances. This is assuming that my wife will be making more money than me after she completes medical school.

The Typical Circumstance

For the longest time, husbands have been the breadwinner of the household. Husbands have a natural drive to compete with others and provide for their families in the best way they see fit. This tends to drive men to earn money in order to provide everything from shelter to food. Without the dedication of the other half of the relationship it would be very difficult to have a car, house, or food in today’s society. Due to being gone all day, or night, the wife tends to cover most of the other tasks. I am in a similar situation in my life. My wife is in school and is not working, so I am the only one with time to work. I tend to pitch in to do chores around the home as well.

We are currently in a phase of life where I am the breadwinner, but that may not always be the case. When my wife finishes residency and begins practicing medicine she will be paid quite a bit. Will it be more than I am making? More than likely. Does the fact that my wife will make more than me upset me? No. I think that our society is on a path for more women to be out-earning men, and I will not be the only one gifted with this situation.

Why would I be upset about my wife working hard and striving to be the best wife and doctor she can be in this life? In my opinion, having the view that the man HAS to make more than the wife is a little selfish. Money is not the only contribution that a spouse can make into their relationship, but it is one of them. In this situation, where my wife makes more money than me, what can I do to continue to contribute to our relationship and our lives?

Future Finances

As with most relationships, the husband can continue to work after his wife becomes a doctor. Just because one person has a high income does not mean that the spouse has to just sit at home. I believe that as husbands we are called to provide for our families. If the thing that we see our family needs is more money, then we need to go work to provide. This is not a time to be complacent or push the responsibility of providing solely onto our wives. She has other skills that men do not possess, and we need to work together. I plan on continuing to work in some capacity. This may involve a job change or other circumstances depending on some other life events. If we have kids at the time this could mean that I provide for my family by taking care of them. If we want to have them in child care, this could mean that I would work a normal engineering job and earn additional income. I like to joke with people that I will just retire when she becomes a doctor, but I think there are too many things on my list of to-dos. Retiring at 32 seems like it would be a dream, but I would continue to work and provide what my family needs at that time.

Something that I can see doing to assist my wife in the way of finances is help her balance our budget, or do the leg work with accountants so that we can get where we want to be financially. Money is money, and doesn’t run our lives. My wife wants to be a doctor, typically a high paying job, to help people in need and make money along the way.

Early Retirement

Like I said before, as men and husbands we are called to take care of our wives and families. This isn’t always financially, but can be. I regret to inform you that I will not be retiring at 32. It does seem like it would be an interesting ride, but I don’t believe that we are made to mooch off our wives and be lazy. We are made for so much more than just being complacent with our finances. Here are some things that are important for a husband to strive to achieve in my situation.

We are called to protect our wives, families, neighbors, and those around us. I don’t think that I can fully engage myself in this while being retired. I have to do some sort of work in order to make sure that those around me are safe. I’m not a huge fan of paying people to come do work for me, and this will not change after my wife lands her first job.

We are called to provide for those around us. This may be taking my kids to school and making sure that they have good food for lunch. I can take care of my parents and in-laws to make sure that their needs are met. I can volunteer or work at church, school, or develop projects on the side to provide. Supporting your wife to help her live out her dreams is important and can come down to minor details like washing dishes. As an example, by washing dishes while she is at work, I may be able to lessen her stress and provide a calming environment for her when she comes home.

As men we are called to work. Sitting around watching TV is not what we are made to do. Manual labor ability is something that we have been gifted. We are made to work, and I believe that even when men retire at 65, they can’t help themselves but work. They may not be working for money, but they are making improvements in their lives.

Main Takeaway

Love your wife and support her in the ways that you can. Becoming a doctor is not an easy path. As men and husbands we need to work to provide in the best ways that we see fit. It doesn’t always boil down to financial support, but it does sometimes. There are so many other things in our lives that we can do if we are not going to support our families financially, you just have to look for them and push yourself.

The Toppling of Pecuniary Unity

September 2, 2020 / Jacob Brown

If you are married or are looking to get married, you might be wondering how to avoid conflict in your relationship. I would venture to guess that most people do not enjoy arguing with or upsetting their spouse. We like to get along and work together to accomplish goals, not tear each other down. One way to avoid having large confrontations or arguments is to get ahead of them. You can do this by talking through topics that could and will cause arguments in the future, and getting on the same page together.

There are a lot of reasons that couples fight, but there are a couple major ones that seem to resurface if not resolved. One of those main topics is money. Money is an odd thing here in the United States because we operate with Fiat Currency system. This means that our currency has no backing, no real value. We used to operate on different standards, some of which are silver and gold. The metals have value and are useful, but we do not back our money this way anymore. Oddly enough, the reason that a $1 bill is worth $1 is because we choose to believe that this is the case.

To further grasp this idea, I like to imagine a broken future state of our country. The economy has crashed, stores have closed, and people are left on their own. Someone approaches me and asks me if I have any food that I could trade for one of the goods they have obtained. I have to protect and feed my family, so I choose to trade them a chicken for a package of seeds. The seeds have value to me because I can plant them and wait for harvest, gathering more food and seeds in the process. This will keep us alive and my family healthy. But what if I would have traded my chicken for a stack of $100 bills? I could probably use them for starting a fire a couple times, but they are not of any great value to me for my survival.

So why are we attached to money? I think one major reason that we are attached to money is due to the fact that we as humans like stuff. We like to have nice cars, houses, clothes, and electronics. We like to have nice watches and big TVs that we can show off to our friends. Money is the gateway to these things. Yes it is true that we need money to survive in today’s society, but it shouldn’t be everything that we are working toward. If our life is centered around things like money, it can cause issues that spread to other parts of our lives. What can we do in our marriage to avoid conflicts pertaining to money?

Open Joint Accounts

I believe that as married people we are to become one, and share everything with each other. I do not condone having separate bank accounts in a marriage. The main reason I do not like the idea of separate accounts for spouses is it creates secrecy within the relationship. Just like when we were kids we thought “secrets don’t make friends, but friends make secrets” was true, it is relevant today. Secrets and keeping information hidden that is relevant to the spouse can drive a wedge between you. It is also important to note that there is never a state of perfect equality in the world, and that is also true for spouse financials. One spouse will always make, spend, save, invest, or give more money than the other.

I did a fair amount of reading online to see other perspectives on this subject. Oddly enough, there are not a lot of writers out there supporting joint accounts. I went to my search engine and looked for “Should my spouse and I have a joint bank account?” and was surprised to see the top recommendations to read. The first three results talk about how to merge accounts, then the results turn into why we should not have joint accounts and the question of which is better, joint or individual? I will leave it to you to read, but the information given has one common theme. It is centered around “me” and most of the reasons lead to divorce. A popular reason to have individual accounts is, “when you get divorced, it is much more complicated.” I would hope that by choosing to get married you are not looking at it with anticipation of an upcoming divorce. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that needs your full commitment to function and thrive.

I understand that one spouse may be working providing income and the other may not, as in my case. A couple may be in a situation where both are working providing income at the same or differing rates. Having separate accounts in any fashion raises questions to me. Why is the one more entitled to money than the other? Why would the non-working spouse need a separate account or an allowance from the working spouse? If we are to be “one” with each other, how can that be if we are keeping things separate? The answer is that we can’t. We can’t be together and fully trust in each other if we have separation.

If it deals with money, make sure that both spouses have direct access. Some major accounts that we have are 1 checking account, 2 savings accounts, a credit card, and an investment account. Both of us have access and can see everything that is going on at all times. We also use a money management app that allows both of us to see our student loans and any other debt.

On a checking account or credit card account, make sure that both spouses have a card, and communicate what they are going to purchase. This may seem redundant or burdensome to continue to talk to your spouse every time you to make a purchase, but it is important in being transparent with your spouse. What happens if one spouse has their pay going into their account, and not a joint account? If the other spouse does not have access, the spouse depositing money is not really sharing. They are providing money to their spouse or family as a ration, or when they want to. It is usually an indication in a marriage that there is a lack of trust between spouses.

Are you worried that your spouse will overspend? I think that this is a common situation between spouses that pushes them to want individual accounts. They feel that their spouse does not have the self control or good money management skills, and would prefer that they don’t take their money. This is an issue that needs to get worked out another way as it can’t be solved by creating a barrier in your relationship.

We can overturn the argument for having separate account very easily by adding a baby to the situation. Who will buy diapers? Who will buy food? The baby is technically a 50-50 split between mother and father, so are you going to track expenses and make sure each parent spends exactly 50% of the cost to provide for their child? What if one spouse isn’t working? Are you going to have each parent pay into their child based off income? It seems to me that this is nearly impossible to do without arguing or causing conflict. There is no way we can draw the line equally, which leaves us to put it together and work with each other.

Communicate Purchases

Something that we enjoy doing is letting each other know when we are going to spend money. This is not really a situation where we are asking for permission as much as relaying information. My wife is in school and I work. So I am the only source of income right now. That being said, I don’t require my wife to ask for money or need permission to spend it. We choose to ask each other if we can make larger purchases, over $20, and inform each other when we are going to have smaller purchases. It is a situation where we work together to make sure that we stay on budget, and can continue to do fun things together. Having a joint account that our spouse can see helps to stay responsible. We are working for common goals, and are united in our trials and times of celebration.

Some examples of when we just inform each other (while staying within our budget) would be when she wants to stop and get coffee. It’s a purchase that is $5 tops, but keeping each other in the loop helps us to budget. When I want to make larger purchases, like $100 on hunting equipment, I ask her if that is okay so that we are on the same page. If the purchases are really big, like $1,000, we take the time to sit down and discuss why we want to make the purchase and how it will be beneficial to us.

Budget Together

I find it best to work together to figure out how much money should be spent on different categories. Some major categories are rent/mortgage, utilities, food, insurance, debt, and extra expenditures. All of these have variable costs, and we can pick how much we would like to spend. Do we want to live in a smaller house? Bigger house? Apartment? Maybe we want to have nicer food? Cheaper food? Or maybe we want to take trips every month and put it down as extra expenditures. Everything has a price, and we can choose how much we want to pay (to an extent) and set ourselves up with different products. I urge you to sit down with your spouse and dig through financials before spending. An even better plan is sitting down with your fiancé and hashing this out before getting married. There are a lot of things out there that cost money, and it can be difficult to figure out what we should purchase. Not only do you have the benefit of making a budget together, this will give you an opportunity to learn more about your significant other. We tend to buy things that we think are important.

Disclose Your Debts

One important thing to me when people are getting married is that they are transparent about all finances. If you have debt, just like with money in our account, you need to make sure your soon-to-be spouse is aware. It would be quite a surprise to get married, then find out that your spouse has $40,000 in debt that they did not tell you about. This can cause a lot of stress in your relationship, and being transparent about debts can save a lot of headache and build trust. You are married to this person, and they need to be in your life more now than when you were dating. Having a spouse in medical school, I have become very familiar with loans and debt. Taking these loans upon myself in addition to her is a commitment that I made to my wife when we got married, and having this debt is OURS, not just hers.

Our experiences

My wife and I got married in college. She went to school for free, and I took out loans. Getting married during college means you are “rich”, so we had that going for us. We have strived to be transparent with each other about what we spend and our debts and have kept our arguments to a minimum so far. We have only been married for a little over 4 years, but our financial situation has changed quite a bit from college. We’ve adjusted to these changes by changing our budget and discussing our new financial goals. There is no way to completely avoid conflict, no matter how well you are being transparent.

We live in a world that is increasing promoting separation of property between spouses. Over half of the marriages in the United States consist of separate bank accounts, and the divorce rate is about 50% across the board. Are they correlated? Maybe. It’s hard to tell, but we are being influenced to keep our lives separate and be selfish over our property. It is crucial to me that each spouse works for the other person, and not for themselves. That doesn’t mean that they never get to do anything for themselves, but they should be conscious of what they do or buy.

I urge you to work for a common goal and do your best. Keep communication open and trust each other. Build the kind of relationship that will allow you to share and not worry about your spouse. Working together will make your life better and help you create a better life in marriage.

The Collegiate Marriage Gain

August 19, 2020 / Jacob Brown

There are a lot of positive aspects and advantages to getting married. My wife and I got married while earning our undergraduate degrees. I know that a lot of people date through college and waited until afterward because they don’t feel they were ready. There is nothing wrong with waiting until after you graduate from college, but I would like to explain how we went about getting married during college. Getting married while in school was a good move for us, and it might be for you as well.

It may seem a little bit scary to get married while in school, and I totally understand. There were a lot of factors that we considered before deciding to get married while in school. After we gathered information online and from our families, we decided that it would be better to get married while in school, instead of waiting until after we graduated.

Following are some of our main concerns that we had while we were trying to get married during college. There may be more, but these are some big ones that I am confident will resonate with others.

Can we afford to rent an apartment? Eat? Gas? Insurance? Phones? We decided to make a spreadsheet of all of our future expenses. Rent, utilities, gas, insurance, food, and extra expenses were some of our main categories. We crunched all of the numbers and found an approximate amount of money that we would have to make during the summer in order to live. We were able to live in an apartment owned by my parents for free, the rent cost to us was providing the upkeep for the property. My wife’s parents offered to pay for our phones, which was a huge help is getting us started. Her parents also offered to pay for her gas, which also helped a lot. We tried to be fairly strict on our food budget so that we would have extra money to do fun activities together. My wife took the initiative to work at the school as a lab assistant to bring in extra money. It wasn’t a lot of money, but it was enough to boost our bank account and made it possible for us to partake in fun activities together.

Are her parents prepared to pay for the wedding? This seems to be a huge deal for the bride’s parents (if they are paying for it). Weddings can be very costly, but that all depends on how the event has been planned. Is it low budget? Is it very extravagant? Is it somewhere in the middle? Getting married can be as low cost or as expensive as we want it to be. We worked with my wife’s parents to find out what they wanted and could pay and went from there. Not everyone’s parents have the ability to pay for something like this if they are also paying for their child’s school bills. It could be another big expense to add on at a hard time.

Will we have somewhere to live together? Like I said above, my parents were able to let us live in a property that they owned. Not everyone will be able to have this blessing, but some do. Some people are able to live at their parent’s house and go to school if they live close enough. If you are unable to have this opportunity, I urge you to find housing that is at the bottom of your budget, just inside the limit of feeling safe where you live. It doesn’t have to be a large place or have lots of amenities. You won’t live there very long, and will enjoy the money that you save. I know a couple that we went to college with that lived at the husband’s parent’s house. The parents were out of town a lot, so they had the house completely to themselves most of the year.

How much do we need to make during the summer? Overall, this is one of the biggest considerations for people in college. The work during the summer provides all or nearly all of the income for the person while they are in college. We worked at our own jobs during the summer then had to make it work for the most part. It is hard to have a good paying summer job when you are a seasonal worker. We took this amount of money and used it to help us budget for the school year. From what I remember, we had about $6,000 from summer work to stretch across 9 months so that we could make it through the school year. This isn’t a lot of money, so budgeting is crucial.

Can we get better financial aid when we get married? For those that don’t know, financial aid is offered to college students. The federal and state financial aid is used to help those whose families are under a certain threshold of income so that they can go to college. From our experience (same rules are set today) we were able to get more aid after we were married than before. This is due to the fact that when you get married YOU are the head of household, not a dependent. When you fill out everything and show that your household makes very little money, you can get full assistance. When we got married we missed the cutoff for state aid, but were able to receive the federal aid. This resulted in only paying about $5,000 for the school year. Then, the following year after we made the cutoff for federal and state we were able to get paid to go to school. We were able to use that money for cost of living and save our money from working during the summer.

Will we keep our school scholarships? I’m sure there are scholarships that you are not able to keep when you are married. My wife and I did not have those types of scholarships. My wife won a scholarship through the presidential scholarship competition at the college we attended. This money paid for all of her schooling the last 2 school years after we got married. I had very little loans my junior year, and none my senior year.

Can we keep our friend groups after marriage? From my experience, you should be able to keep all of your friends after you get married. There are limitations, but this is a general rule. I also found that it is good to hang out with your friends and have time with them. It is good to be yourself and have fun with friends or alone, and not only with your spouse.

Do our families approve of the decision? How can we explain our decision to them so they understand we can make it? We didn’t have to convince our parents in my opinion. We did do a lot to demonstrate how we would make it and how we had planned out our budgeting. Having enough money is hard, but it can be done. I would suggest putting together a budget with expenses that shows an approximate income and living expenses for the entire year. After all, you will still need some sort of living space when school is out of session.

If you are looking at getting married while in college, you may be thinking of the same questions we did. We spent well over a year figuring out everything for after we got married, we started before we were engaged. That being said, not everyone has the same concerns or needs as much time to make decisions as we did. If you want to get married, you can do it.

I am not a fan of long engagements, and believe that when we know we want to get married, we should do it as soon as possible. This is partly why we got married while in college, we are also “high school sweethearts.” Our engagement was about 9 months, which was plenty long for the wedding planning. Most of the wedding planning was done during the school year. Take time to think about what you will gain by getting married in college. It is a challenge at times, but well worth it in my opinion.

How do I budget when I have no income?

July 15, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Working during school may not be an option, which leaves college students without income as they invest into their lives through higher education. Nearly all college students have money coming to them in some form, whether that be their money from summer work, deposits from another person, or loans. The source of that income could be from a job, loans (usable money but not technically income), or gifted to them by family. When I state income, I am mainly speaking about money coming in from the student working or from their spouse/significant other. Loan money deposited into a student’s bank account is similar to income (because it can be spent), but is not taxable.

Having enough money was an issue for me when I was in undergrad, and it is an issue among nearly all college students. It is difficult to figure out how much to spend on categories like transportation, housing, food, and extra activities when there is no payday in sight. It is more crucial to budget at this time. An overspent month can lead to a shortage on the next, with nothing to make up the difference.

My experience.

When I was in undergrad I tried a few different ways to balance my money. The first mistake I made was take all of the money in my account and divide it evenly across the school year. This seemed like a good idea at the time.

This setup allowed me to pace myself and know exactly how much time I had left before I ran out of money. Unfortunately, when the budget is just distributed it is hard to stay under, or considerably under. I started going to the maximum amount for each week or a little bit over, and before I knew it I was out of money. I completed my freshman year of college with $25 in my account which was just enough to fill the tank on my truck to drive home to my parent’s house. This was not my greatest idea, and I changed it for the following school year.

I started the school year with about $3,000. With this money, I had to pay some of my schooling out of pocket which left me with less money right off the bat. From what I remember, I only had about $60-$80 per week to spend on groceries, gas, and other activities. This is not a lot of money, and it was supposed to last 9 months. I did not have a lot of money to do things like go out to eat, do activities with friends, or have extravagant meals. I spent about $30 per week on groceries, which was enough. The remaining money was used on gas and “necessities.” AKA stuff I didn’t need to buy but did anyway.

I owned my vehicle and my parents paid for my insurance. Which was one thing that helped me to save some money. I also did all of my own maintenance, which allowed me to save money on the vehicle purchase. I did not have to purchase an expensive or newer vehicle.

There are probably 1,000 ways to arrange your budget to best suit you. It can be hard at times to budget because we like nice things or things that aren’t in need of TLC. Sometimes it is crucial to step back and look at what we have and decide what is most important and what can go away. Here are some guidelines of what I recommend to student living off of loans.

Find housing that is the bare minimum, but is comfortable. If you are going to pay for housing on loans, keep the cost down. Federal Graduate Loans run at about 7% interest. So imagine paying around normal sales tax on your loans while they accrue interest. I’m not saying that you should live in an apartment or house that is in a terrible location for your commute or is dangerous for your health. Find something cheap and reasonable to accommodate your needs.

Don’t lease or buy a vehicle on your loans. I have a view on loans that may differ from you. I do not think that we should ever take out loans when there is no return on our investment, but especially on vehicles due to their loss in value. They depreciate quickly, which means that the buyer loses their money quickly. Vehicles are not an investment, it is a tool that loses value over time. A large portion of graduate loans can be allocated to “cost of living.” That being said, the amount taken out should be kept to a minimum. Last school year my wife could have taken nearly $60,000 over the tuition cost for living. To me, that is absolutely insane! I have listed some “options” for how I would handle needing a vehicle. There are probably more options, but these are ones that came to my mind.

Option #1. If you HAVE to purchase a vehicle, take the time to research vehicles and make a decision for a low cost reliable vehicle. As a doctor, or soon to be, you don’t have the option of being late to work. Find a reliable vehicle at a low price (as low as you can stand) and pay for it in full. Don’t use your education loans to pay for car loans or leases.

Option #2. If you have any money that is not from loans, or parents that are willing to help, definitely go that route. I would avoid using loans on vehicles at all costs, but if you have to, make it go a long way with something very reliable.

Option #3. If you have a family member that will let you borrow a car for a few years, do it. It is probably the only option that can get you around town for nearly free. You may have to pay for insurance and fuel, but you would be paying for that anyway with a vehicle you purchase.

Budget to a minimum on food. I would think that in most areas of the United States a person could spend under $100 per week on food for themselves. It is definitely easier here in the Midwest, but may be a stretch on the East or West Coast. Learn how to prep your own food. You can eat healthier, and have food ready for you at home at any time. If you can avoid going out, which might be the most expensive way to eat, your money will go further. If you want more information on food budgeting, visit my other post on Eat Steak, Not Fast Food where I do a short discussion on saving money on food.

The 3 things above are the most important from my perspective. There are other expenditures like cell phones, computers, vacations, holidays, and others that are variable costs. All of them influence our spending, and some of them are necessities, but they tend to be cheaper than the 3 points listed in the previous sections.

Notes for the reader.

Find the amount you are willing to pay back. In the end it’s all a personal choice. Find the amount you are willing to pay back in the future. Use an online student loan calculator to figure out how much your monthly payments will be based off your interest rate and loan term. Though doctors make a good salary, consider the debt load. As an example, if a student borrows at 7% interest and has $250,000 (including accrued interest) at the end of the 4 years of Medical School, they will have a monthly payment of $1,767 for 25 years. The interest paid back is about $280,000 with a total repayment of $530,000, over double what has been borrowed.

Borrow to live, not to “live.” Calculating how much to borrow is purely based off what you need to live. It will vary from student to student but should be similar between them. Keeping the total amount down by avoiding costly ventures like extra electronics, large vacations, or overspending in other categories will benefit you in the future. Going on vacations and having nice things is fun, but the benefits should be weighed against what will need to be repaid.

Keep purchases on nonessentials to a minimum. It’s fun and tempting to go on vacation or buy new toys. That being said, I don’t think that we should not do either if we have the financial capacity. I have found it possible to go on mini vacations or purchase fun items without spending a lot. My wife and I have taken day trips to places which are very cheap. We have purchased items for our enjoyment that do not require additional money to be put into them. When it is time to move after medical school, unless the stuff is sold or thrown out, it will have to go with us.

Early Mornings

July 8, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife just started her third year of medical school. For those that don’t know, third year requires students to partake in activities alongside interns and attendings. The learning takes place in their (the doctors’) work environment on their schedule. This period of the students’ learning allows them to see how hospitals and clinics operate. They get to learn different procedures and techniques related to the many sectors of the medical field. It is the time when the traditional classroom learning environment diminishes and they begin transitioning into “hands on” training.

Our basic schedule is outlined below. It’s nothing exciting, but it is good insight in what is to come for those going into third year. My wife does a lot of different things at the hospital. Some of the things she does include rounding, scrubbing in on surgery, performing procedures, and others. I will definitely be writing another post that goes more depth on what she is doing, and how to best be prepared.

Starting the day.

My wife is currently working in surgery. Due to surgeries being scheduled nearly all day in hospitals, she is working longer hours than I am. My day typically involves me getting up at 5:15 am, but her day requires 4:30 am. Due to the fact that she begins earlier than I do, I get up with her to keep her company and help her get ready. She has to leave by 5:10 am to head to the hospital to avoid being late. She doesn’t have to be ready until about 6:00 am, but it takes a while to get ready with all of the time spent parking and prepping for the day. While she gets ready in the morning I take the initiative to make her lunch. I usually pack some items for making sandwiches, salads, or other items that we have made recently.

Lately I’ve been including salad with mozzarella, tomato, dressing, and chicken breast. Other items included are croutons, apple slices, and a bottle of water.

Lunch time.

My wife does not have a regular lunch schedule. Most of the time she has lunch randomly or not at all. The time allotted is typically when it is convenient in her schedule. I pack snacks bars for her for in case she has time to eat them. It is a lot easier to grab a snack bar in a quick break than to sit down and eat a full meal.

With the amount of unknowns such as lunch, she has experienced some new stresses. She has to go long periods of time on occasion without getting to eat. This could be one of the main contributors to her feeling more tired in the afternoon, but it could also be that by noon she has been up for over 7 hours by noon.

Departure from work.

My wife tends to leave around 6 pm, but there have been a few times where she has left between 12-2 pm. The scheduling right now is sporadic with COVID-19, and incoming patients. I leave work in time to get home and start dinner before she arrives. She is always very tired when she gets home, and I find having dinner ready helps when she needs to study before heading to bed.

I use the time when I am home and she is gone to exercise, work on projects, or make dinner. This is the time where I can catch up on things that I am behind on before she gets home. Usually I am behind on dishes and keeping our kitchen clean. I like to cook and am terrible at keeping everything tidy.

Tips for the reader.

Make it a team effort. Medical school is already hard enough. I find that taking the time to help with the little things make a big difference. Making lunch, dinner, or cleaning up the house goes a long way in reducing stress.

Follow their schedule if possible. I wouldn’t be able to follow my wife’s schedule if she were on third shift, or me, but I can right now. I think that it works well having us get up together and go to bed together. We have opportunities to create more unity and help each other.

Make Time Together

June 24, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Now that my wife is in medical school we have really grown to appreciate the time that we have together. With free time being limited, we have to make choices on what we want to do together in advance. Now, not everything that we decide to do together is super extravagant, or extremely time consuming, but it doesn’t need to be. We have found that it is fun to do bigger things together, but we get more quality time together when we are laid back.

There are a lot of reasons that we don’t get to spend as much time with each other as we would like. We have found that most of the reasons we do not get to spend time together are good reasons. We have things going on in our lives and can’t always put them on hold. I have put together a list of some reasons, and whether or not I think they are legitimate reasons for not making time together. Some of them are more serious than others, but all of them eat up time.

We don’t get to spend as much time together because I have to:

Work at my job. This is a good thing. It is good to have time away from each other because it helps us find ourselves. I work from 6:30-5pm on weekdays so that we have income, which is kind of important.

Mow the lawn. When living in a house with a yard this is inevitable. At some point the grass will have to be cut, the question is by who. I could pay someone to come to my house and mow my yard (which takes about 15-20 minutes) or I can just do it myself.

Work on house projects. I do a fairly significant amount of work on our house to maintain it and increase the functionality and appearance. Some of the work is a requirement, but some of it is additional tasks that I have chosen to do. Lately, I have been remodeling our basement to bring it a little bit more up to date. This is not a requirement. There was nothing in the basement of our house that was damaging or going to cause major problems.

Watch tv and play on my phone. This is something that I think is the least beneficial to our relationship. That being said, watching tv and playing on my phone has a time and place. There are times where my wife is busy with school, and I have completed everything else on my to-do list.

We don’t get to spend as much time together because my wife has to:

Study for class. This is a legitimate reason not to spend time together. This is the reason we moved and are doing what we do. She needs time to study without me needing to bother her.

Attending class or other learning centers. This is another big reason we don’t get to spend time together. I am not upset about either of these reasons because this is why we are here. I want her to excel as much as she can, and that can only be done by attending school and doing her best.

There are some different chores or tasks that we try to work on together that gives us more time. Some of them are washing dishes, doing laundry, or cleaning the house. Not only do we get to spend time doing these, they go faster. When we help each other it opens up both of ours time so that we can do more together.

Biggest tip for the reader.

If your spouse is busy, be busy too. If your spouse is working and has a time that they will be done. Try to get your work done at the same time. Don’t push off working on projects, chores, or work. If you can get everything done while they are working, you will have a nice window to spend time together. It’s not super fun to have one person done with what they are working on while the other person still have an hour of work to complete because they were watching tv. I have experienced this (and still do).

4th Wedding Anniversary

June 17, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. We got married between our sophomore and junior year of undergrad, in 2016. It has been an awesome experience being married while in college, and I think we have been able to answer quite a few questions for other couples. We enjoy talking with couples that are looking at getting married or are dating while in college.

When your spouse is in medical school there are times that you have to squeeze fun activities into small windows. As an example, we chose to celebrate our anniversary together by going on a day trip. We also looked at the cost to stay somewhere, and decided that we could do a day trip and be satisfied with our time together.

We left our house and headed toward Cleveland, OH to visit Cuyahoga National Park. Neither of us had been there, and it seemed like it would be a nice place to visit together. The weather forecast was good, and walking on the trails and riding in the car together would give us a lot of time to talk to each other. We are both fairly busy, and getting busier, so we decided this would be a nice trip. Our goal for the trip was to get out in nature and spend time together. We don’t get to talk to each other enough, and this was a great opportunity to do so.

We were also able to drive around the Cleveland area to see what it has to offer. Cleveland is a potential residency location, so we decided to drive around the neighborhoods just to see what they looked like. We visited the West Side Market as well. It was a cool experience having vendors selling goods in a bustling building. I can see how it would be filled with people buying meats, vegetables, breads, and confections later in the summer. Due to COVID-19 limiting people in buildings, it was not too busy.

We ended up eating at a nearby restaurant for lunch, then headed to Brandywine Falls, our first stop on the trip. For me, this was the most memorable location. The view of the falls is calming, and I’m pretty sure it was my wife’s favorite.

We ended up not staying in the Cleveland area for dinner and headed home. This worked out well. We went to the store and bought crab legs and some bread and planned to have our Anniversary Feast at our house the next day. This also allowed us to save some money, and get to spend more time together.

Tips for the reader.

Value the little things. Every trip or vacation you take with your spouse doesn’t need to be extravagant. Making a day trip to a scenic location is simple and cheap. Spending time together getting to talk can help you deepen your relationship, and get to know each other more.

Support your spouse. Your relationship will be way better if you can support your spouse in their life goals. I am finding new ways all the time to support my wife. A recent one is finding ways to take day trips or go to parks. It really helps her keep her stress levels down.

Take a cheap trip. Trips don’t have to be expensive in order to be entertaining or fun. As an example, the parks we went to were free, our lunch was $15, and we spent about $20 on gas for the entire trip. Not too bad for visiting a new city and going on a new adventure together.