My wife and I wanted to capture more of our lives which resulted in purchasing a camera just before last Christmas. I made a post a while back on what we were going to purchase, but I haven’t taken the time to put together a summary of how we are enjoying ourselves. We have been able to secure taking photos of my friends and family which has offered good practice. It has taken some time to get good practice, but we are getting closer to feeling comfortable taking photos for others. Taking photos for others is one of my goals in this venture, but there is a lot of practice required before feeling comfortable. I don’t want to take photos of someone just to have all of the photos be bad or have some sort of flaw. This is probably one of my greatest fears in photography!
My Brief Analysis
I’m not going to write a review of the camera that we purchased because there are plenty on the internet. I have not experienced the camera long enough to write a strong detailed review, but maybe someday. We made the decision to purchase a Sony Mirrorless camera. Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t purchase the tried and true DSLR. The reason we did not purchase a DSLR is… there really isn’t a reason against the DSLR. We purchased a mirrorless camera in part because it is newer technology but I also thought that it would be fun to try. I know people with DSLR cameras and I thought it would be fun to try something different. The biggest difference that I have seen between it and a DSLR, is having a screen inside the viewfinder. This has been very nice and seems to have made taking photos easier than with a DSLR. The quality that we have gotten from the camera is very high. I think that a lot of the photos we’ve taken are professional quality. I have found that if I want to take easy photos, I can set it up to be just as easy as a smartphone.
Having the ability to manual focus has been new as well. I have not had the option and it is not a standard feature on smartphones. I have enjoyed getting to pick our point of focus and created more depth in our photos. My wife enjoys taking photos in this fashion that have a lot of bokeh (focusing on an object with lots of blur in the surround objects). I like taking control of the camera and making all of the setting myself even though the camera is pretty smart.
I would say that overall my experience with the Sony Mirrorless camera has been very good. It has only been about 5 months, but it seems that its only getting better.
My Photography Goals
One of my main goals while taking up photography is to capture more of our lives. It can be difficult to take things or materialistic items with us due to being in medical school, but we can take thousands and thousands of photos without much trouble. We are hoping to detail our lives for our own sake so that we can someday share our memories with our families. I have found that most people lost the art of the scrap book, but we want to keep files of our photos in a similar fashion.
After getting good at taking photos I would like to venture out to help others experience the joy of seeing a moment from their lives. It’s not an easy task (capturing a moment from someone’s life in a photo) but it is something that I would like to strive to achieve. My wife is in medical school which makes her pretty busy. I am reaching out to find new hobbies and challenges to fill my time that can also carry over to when my wife becomes a practicing doctor. I am hoping that photography will become a lifelong hobby that we can enjoy together.
There comes a time in nearly everyone’s life where they have to make the decision on what they are going to pursue doing for a living. For most this occurs at the completion of high school, undergrad or graduate school. Not everyone makes a long term choice on the first attempt either, sometimes it’s not than easy to find what we want to do the rest of our lives.
For those pursuing an M.D. degree like my wife, a big decision has to be made around the completion of the third year of medical school. This time of their educational career pushes them to pick what specialty they will pursue. There are many specialties within the medical field and one must be chosen for residency. My wife was torn for a long time on what she would pursue.
After looking at many different specialties and experiencing these doctors’ daily operation, my wife has chosen OB/GYN. It appears to be the best mix of surgery and patient contact. My wife enjoys getting to talk with patients building a relationship with them. A lot of the dedicated surgery specialties have little time talking with patients and this is important to her. Family medicine has a lot of contact with patients getting to know them, but my wife would prefer to have a surgery aspect to her career.
So, how did she make the decision? What were some things that she considered when making this decision?
The (almost) Doctor’s Thoughts
Hi! So, when I first started medical school I thought I wanted to go into general surgery. I loved the idea of operating and being able to use my hands to fix a problem. I loved anatomy and wanted to spend every day getting to use that knowledge. I didn’t think I wanted long term patient continuity and I wasn’t sure about long clinic days.
The summer between M1 and M2 year, I did an anatomy elective that allowed me to focus on the female reproductive system. I was able to do my own dissection and learn about some common procedures. I fell in love with the pelvic anatomy. From there I started doing some more research. A not so secret secret: OB/GYNs are amazing surgeons! M2 year brought lectures and book work on the reproductive system and I came out of that class with a pretty good idea that this was the right field. But first, I needed to experience it in real life.
Some of my thoughts changed when I got into third year. I wanted to find a specialty where I could use my full potential. I wanted it to fit my personality. I wanted it to fit with my goals outside of medicine. Jacob and I started talking more about the life we wanted to have outside of medical school and residency. What were the goals we wanted for our life? For our family? That’s when I knew I needed to find a specialty that would also be supportive of my life outside of medicine.
As I went through each rotation I talked with the physicians about their lives, why they chose that field, and the highs and lows of that specialty. I crossed off some specialties right away. I didn’t want a lot of down time. I get bored a little too easily. I didn’t want super sick patients. Intensive care is a little too sad and frustrating. I liked kids, but I didn’t want to only take care of kids. By Christmas, I knew that I was between General Surgery and OB/GYN. I decided OB/GYN was the best option after my clerkship in January. The residents and attendings love their work and are happy even during the long hours. On service, I saw women in all stages of life supporting each other as they learn to become the best physicians they can be. The combination of surgery and clinic keeps the days interesting. I love that I will be able to care for women throughout their lives and be with them for some very important occasions. This specialty will allow Jacob and I to move back to a more rural community and fits well with our vision of the future.
Final Thoughts
Making big life decisions is hard. It causes a lot of stress and worry which makes the process difficult. I have found through our processes that considering the following can guide us on our path.
What is the most valuable thing in my life?
Is this decision the biggest thing in my life?
If I were not to proceed with this decision, would I still feel satisfied in life?
What steps can I take to eliminate other options?
When it comes to careers, if I were to lose this opportunity, what else do I still have?
How can this career help me achieve my life goals?
Will my life goals be blocked by choosing this career?
Will my job choice influence my family life positively?
How can I have a career and a family?
Does one choice offer better benefits?
Do I feel that one will be a career and one a job?
It was back in August of 2010 that I met my wife. At the time, I made the effort to offer my assistance on her schoolwork and homework though it wasn’t needed. I had lower grades than her (and she is smarter than me) so she didn’t really need my help. I like to think that my incessant and possibly annoying persistence was the key to winning her over.
We didn’t officially start dating until I turned 16, but we decided that we were going to date at that time on February 12, 2011. Dating at age 16 was a rule set by my parents and I think I will continue this for my children. What’s the point of dating if the child can’t drive themselves anyway?
My wife has been an amazing addition into my life. She contributes so much to help us prepare for the future. This includes how we spend money and life choices she makes with school. I definitely don’t know where I would be in life without her.
Following are some things I have learned after dating and being married to her. They are not in a particular order, but all are important. It would be interesting to see what others have learned during their marriage or dating life if it has been as long.
What have I learned inthe past 10 years?
Be Patient. This is something that most relationships have realized. There are a lot of times where we are waiting on each other patiently, our relationship could be difficult. Being patient also includes life goals that have been set together. In my case, after I knew that I wanted to marry my wife, I had to wait longer than anticipated to get married. Having to wait doesn’t mean that it is a time to bail, but learn. Learning to be patient is hard and a relationship with our significant other or spouse can help us learn first hand.
Do what she enjoys. I learned long ago that my wife had different interests than me. She enjoys reading books about 10,000 times more than me. I can’t remember the last book I read, but I know for a fact that it was not for pleasure! I just don’t enjoy sitting down and reading books, but she does. I have made the effort over the years to sit with her and accompany her while she reads through adventures. She will curl up next to me on the couch and read for hours while I browse on my phone or watching tv. She enjoys my company and I enjoy making her happy.
Date your wife. This is something I have heard quite a bit from older generations. I have found it useful in keeping our relationship feeling young. I know that being married nearly 5 years isn’t long, but plenty of marriages don’t make it this far. Dating your wife (going out together) gives the feeling that you are continuing to pursue her and makes her feel wanted.
Do your hobbies. It is fun to have another person around, but it is important to continue what you want to do. You need to be yourself while being in a relationship. I have found that my spouse enhances and adds to the joy of my life. It is important for me to continue my hobbies and what made me happy before getting married. Not all hobbies qualify, but the hobbies that are important that fit into my relationship with my wife.
Listen to what she thinks about. Sometimes it can feel like I can’t relate to the topics that my wife wants to talk about, but it is important that I listen. Not only does it make her happy to talk to somebody, but I feel that I learn about her while she speaks her mind. This is an opportunity for me to learn what she thinks about and what is important to her. I am always learning and hope that this will continue as we grow old together.
Give her what she needs. This might be one of the hardest tasks because it takes time to decipher between NEEDS and WANTS. I know that some of you may be thinking “if she says she needs it then she needs it,” but I have found that she needs the unspoken items more than those she vocalizes.
Ask what she wants to do. It is important for my wife to feel wanted and needed in our life together. It is crucial for me to ask what she wants to do even when we end up participating in a different activity. This can be asking what she wants for dinner or how she would like to spend the weekend. I find that if we don’t ask then try activities that each of us are interested in, it can be hard to learn about each other. There are things that she may want to try that I haven’t ever considered and may enjoy. Our goal of being married is to work together and it would be difficult with only one mind dishing out ideas.
Make her feel important because she is. Learning the love language of your spouse is key to productive communication. My wife’s love language is “Words of Affirmation” which means that how I speak to her goes a long way. My words carry a lot of weight both positive and negative. I make the effort to tell her that I love her and that she looks beautiful on a regular basis. I also try to weigh in on decisions when she asks me about life choices or clothes. She enjoys when I pick out her clothes because she wants to be dressed in something I like, and know that I like what she’s wearing.
Work together to achieve your goals. I am a firm believer that we were put on Earth to work together to glorify the kingdom of God. This is not an easy or simple task. We (as husbands) are made to build up our wives and our wives are made to support us. It is hard to work together all the time because we have different ideas. I have found it most productive to talk through our own life goals and work with each other to achieve them. We should not be giving up our happiness in order to give happiness to our spouse. We are in each other’s lives to enhance, not detract.
Lead. Leading in our relationship is my job and it has benefits for my wife. Leading doesn’t mean that I make all of the decisions (though that seems to be how it is interpreted). I work to lead our relationship and help my wife to achieve her goals. She is currently in medical school which involves a lot of her time devoted to studying and learning. I have taken it upon myself to earn money so that she can get through school. Leading is difficult as it also makes me responsible for failures. I feel that this takes some weight off of my wife and helps her in school and life.
The Future
Every relationship is different. I’m sure that you (the reader) have found similarities and differences between your relationship and mine. Marriage has brought together two different people to work together in a new way. I have given up some things, she has given up some things, and together we have made a life that is ours. It really doesn’t feel like 10 years together! At almost 5 years married, I think we are off to a good start at getting to know each other.
What if we posted about them as much as our successes. What if you posted that picture where your makeup isn’t done… your hair isn’t styled. What if we could be a little more real with each other.
I had a conversation with a friend recently. We aren’t super close, but I try to be a person who will listen to anyone who needs a safe place.
I had chosen to sit by the windows for lunch. Seeing the trees outside keeps me calm in the craziness of the hospital. I could tell this student was a little flustered. I offered them a seat and to eat with me. They sat down and started talking. We talked about all sorts of stuff. The rotation we were on, what we were doing next. We talked about hobbies, specifically photography, and what we did in our little free time. We talked about the future. I talked about staying in the area. They talked about the uncertainty and deciding where to go next.
And then we talked about our worries. It doesn’t take long for medical students to talk about anxieties, stress, and worries. Between tests, assignments, evaluations, and applying for residency in the fall, there is a lot going on.
And then we talked about Step 1. I know I’ve talked about it before, but please hear me when I say that every single medical student deals with anxiety, stress, uncertainty, fear, and worry when it comes to this exam.
In the moment, I decided to be honest. Be real.
I told my colleague about my struggles with the exam. I told them about my burn out. I told them about being sick. I told them about the failed practice exams. I told them about the stress. And worry. And fear. And feeling inadequate. Feeling like a complete imposter. I told them that I went into that test ready to conquer it, but wondering if I could do it. If I would actually pass and get a score that would be enough to move forward. I used every last bit of fire left in me to pass that exam. But found myself coming up with plans B, C, D, E, and F if things turned out to be on the wrong side of the passing line (and my own line of what was acceptable).
And I passed. It worked out. Was it a happy ending? I guess it depends on your definition.
In the moment, I saw their shoulders drop just a little from their ears. I saw them relax just a little bit. A little bit of relief to hear that someone else had struggles. Someone else had worried and feared for the result and it turned out okay. And they mentioned it was good to hear about a journey that wasn’t all rainbows and perfect scores. I just kinda chuckled and realized most of us don’t have that journey. Let’s be honest, life isn’t all rainbows, pots of gold, or mountain tops. Life isn’t 100%s and 280 step scores. I’m so proud of my classmates who reached those high scores, but I’m also so so proud of my classmates who passed that exam! Who came out of there a little nervous and passed! Maybe just on the other side of that line. That is something to celebrate.
Why are we so hesitant to be real? To be honest? Why does it take so much effort and courage to talk about our actual life?
I realized a few years back that it was important for me to be open and honest with others. Our experiences can be helpful to those we cross paths with. We might not be walking on the exact same path, but we can still encounter the same obstacles. Your story could be the very thing your friends need to hear to know that they are not alone and they will make it. A simple conversation about the obstacles we face could be a turning point for those having lunch with us. It can bring hope and ease fears. Your story reminds others that they are not alone and someone else has been through this and survived.
What if we were more bold? More courageous? What if we took a leap of faith and were vulnerable? What if we could make an impact in only 20 minutes during lunch? What if we could bring some hope and light by saying “I’ve been there.”
And those conversations are amazing! To watch this person across from you realize that someone else understands. There’s a joy that comes with these conversations.
Life isn’t going to be all rainbows, pots of gold, and mountain tops. Let’s be real. Let’s meet others in the rain and in the valley. I see you. I’ve been there. Want a hand? It works out.
Obstacles in life give us opportunities to find ways to manage change. Our time spent in 2020 gave many different obstacles to cross and taught us many lessons. I wouldn’t say that 2020 was a great year for most people, but I think we can learn a lot from the events that influenced our lives and the medical student community.
January
January started off as a normal time for us. My wife was going to school regularly without any hiccups. I went to work without having to do anything special, like wear a mask, and partook in normal work activities. During this time my wife was approaching taking the Step 1 exam. Near the end of the month on January 21, 2020 the first COVID-19 case was reported in the United States by the CDC. At the time, we didn’t think it would cause such great repercussions in our lives, but we would soon find out the extent of the disruptions.
February
My wife was in the phase of school where she needed to start studying for Step 1 as I have said previously. For the most part, she could do her schooling from home so disruptions in the hospitals and school were not a problem for her learning. February was the time when the United States began to proactively react to COVID-19, which meant restrictions for gathering.
Medical school is different than most learning centers from what I have seen. Most of my wife’s classes are optional for attending in-person and a lot of students choose to learn from home. This is something that was established long before 2020 and I think has helped the students to continue their education through the Pandemic. At the tail end of February my wife finished M2 year and began her dedicated study time for Step 1. This created a lot of isolation for her preceding the isolation that was to come from COVID-19.
Fun fact: We celebrated 9 years together on Feb 12.
March
This was the month where social distancing began to really take hold of Ohio. The state started limiting group sizes which cut down on people’s movement and gatherings. This also began creating isolation for a lot of people. I had been fortunate enough at this time to continue working while my wife studied for Step 1.
My wife began isolation 6 weeks before her scheduled date for Step 1. She studied about 10-12 hours per day, 7 days per week during this time. As the date approached we were worried of date changes due to gathering limitations at the testing centers. Our fears became a reality near the end of March. Her date was cancelled in the middle of March. She was given the option to take it again 2 weeks later. This was the first time she changed her date.
April
My wife’s original test date for Step 1 was April 3. With limitations on group sizes testing centers began to cancel the students current opportunity for testing. My wife’s testing date was cancelled and ultimately was moved to a date about 6 more weeks out. We hoped that being 6 more weeks there would be a better flow or testing allow her to participate. She had changed her date about 4 times before getting it set to May 19.
Her test didn’t happen at this time either. Her new testing date was set for Oct 8. She made the decision May 1 to cancel her May date and take 2 weeks off before M3 year began. At this point, she had spent nearly 11 weeks by herself 12 hours a day.
May
My wife’s birthday is in May! We started taking day trips for fun so that we could spend more time together. Day trips are fun and the cost is fairly low, especially when compared to staying overnight somewhere.
I tried to make her birthday special even though we couldn’t do anything fancy with a bunch of people. Thankfully, she is always happy with a walk by the lake and some ice cream.
Aleena started M3 year on May 18. Her class was online and she spent her time at home preparing for clerkships. This would be the year she entered the hospitals to work. With the craziness going on in the hospital, her clerkship schedule changed drastically. Each of her rotations were shortened and she wouldn’t get into her first rotation until the end of June.
June
We made a day trip to Cuyahoga Falls just outside Cleveland, OH. We had never been there and it seemed like a good place to site see. We drove over early in the morning and hit up some of the major spots and hiked around on trails.
We intended on staying for a nice dinner, but made the decision to head home a little early. It was about a 3 hour drive and it was nice to drive home in the daytime. I made up for the change in dinner plans by making a seafood bake in my smoker!
July
4th of July wasn’t cancelled, but it was significantly smaller than 2019. We don’t usually do anything extravagant for the 4th, but this year we didn’t have the option. It seemed that most people had smaller events.
Aleena was busy with her surgery clerkship and I was working. We started getting comfortable with long days and early bedtimes.
August
The month of my birthday! As with everything that happened this year, we didn’t do anything extravagant. I usually prefer to go out to eat with my wife and spend some quality time with her. We were still able to do that which is good.
September
After all the rescheduling it was finally time for my wife to prepare for Step 1 (again…). Most of September was spent with her studying at home. We would go to the parks to give her a break and enjoy the nice weather.
October
My wife was able to get into a testing location in October. It wasn’t an easy, or short, road to this point but it was worth it. The studying and isolation was hard on her, but I believe it made her stronger today. By the end of the month we found out she passed! We were incredibly grateful for the outcome after such an unexpected road. At the end of October was Halloween, which was greatly disrupted by the pandemic.
November
Celebrating Thanksgiving was much different for us this year. Last year we were able to host some of the medical students at our house for a small celebration. This year we were not able to do so due to group size, so maybe next year. We were able to safely see our families for the holiday. It was really important for my wife to spend some time with her parents.
December
The holidays came around. We managed to spend some time with my family and with hers. It can get hard at time to spend a late Friday night driving to our family’s homes, but we enjoy their company. My wife spent most of her break with her parents. This way she wouldn’t be alone during the week. Maybe next year we will be back to normal, or at least something similar to 2019.
Closing Thoughts
For those that know my wife, you know that my wife is tough. She has accomplished more in medical school than I feel I did during all of my schooling. She has been persistent and composed through medical school in testing and studying. Now that she is working in hospitals she has been able to put the rest of her talents to good use.
2020 was much different than any year we had experienced in our lifetime. Lots of restrictions were placed on what we can do outside of our home. We are hoping that 2021 will bring better news and be more prosperous for us all.
We met Michael and Allie Wenig shortly after moving to Ohio for medical school. They are 2 years ahead of my wife, which makes it possible for them to offer viable information about the future during medical school. I know that we and others have found them helpful when times are stressful and seem to be unknown. Michael is in a similar situation to me, as a husband to a medical student.
Michael works for Cru, a Christian organization, where he disciples and mentors college age students. Michael worked to provide financially while Allie was in Medical School. Most of his work involves traveling to schools, but he doesn’t let that stop him from getting his work done at home. Due to Allie’s busy schedule, Michael does most of the house work. I find myself in a similar situation trying to clean and upkeep the house as best I can.
Michael and Allie have been married since 2016, experiencing and enjoying life together. They met each other in 2012 during their freshman year of undergrad. They started dating in 2014. A while back they made a furry addition to their household with a dog named Beesly. They have had a lot of adventures and experiences together through the years and have learned from them. They offer a plethora of knowledge to those around them, and I hope you find how they handle their lives useful for yourself.
Daily Schedule
Allie is now a resident in Columbus, OH where she is working to become a Pediatrician. Being a resident requires a different work schedule than as a medical student. Michael has a highly flexible work schedule that allows him to spend time with Allie when she is available. Though she doesn’t have a lot of free time, they make the goal of having a date night each week. This helps them to have quality time when they endure long stretches without really getting to see each other. They try their best to prioritize each other before work. A good practice for them is setting a priority and target at the beginning of each week, then aiming to reach that goal. They may not have a date each week (if scheduling doesn’t permit) but they do their best to make it a consistent habit. Michael feels that medical professionals are super type A, meaning that they tend to fill each and every moment of free time if left unchecked. Taking time to sit down and talk helps them to look back at what they value first and keep their priorities in order.
Marriage
Friends/community
Work
Everything else
Michael has found the schedule changes to be beneficial over the years. Though the daily schedule doesn’t seem to be very consistent, it has allowed them to work together. With weekly and monthly changes, they have found themselves with an opportunity to progress their ability to communicate and work together. Communication is key for them in their relationship due to their nature of medical school and now residency.
With a schedule that doesn’t allow Allie to contribute maybe as much as she wants, Michael has picked up a lot of the daily and weekly tasks. Michael does about 80% of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. I am in a similar situation, and we can agree that we don’t dread it. Michael and I both have the view on our efforts as helping our wives achieve their goals. I know that my wife is busy and I want her to do well in school. This tends to mean that we (as husbands) are challenged to pick up more work so that she has more time to study when she is home.
Stressors
Michael is very familiar with stressors for Allie. The biggest stressor that he has noticed is when she compares herself to her classmates. The stress comes from a comparison between how much she studies and how much they study in correlation to their test scores. Trying to achieve some unspecified, nebulous and unreachable level of studying puts a strain on her. It can be hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when they seem to study less and score better than you. I have found this to be very common among the medical students, including my wife. It is difficult to avoid comparing yourself to others when receiving grades on tests, but it is best to avoid this practice.
Michael has developed a plan on how to help Allie relieve stress.
I tend to think if I pick up extra housework and chores it will help Allie feel better if she is stressed. Contrary to that, I’ve learned what’s most helpful is to do or say something that communicates to her I’m thinking about her. That means I either try to surprise her with a gift like flowers, a small treat from the store, or with a fun date. That could also look like taking the time to sit and ask her questions about her day and then offering encouragement, communicating that I see her hard work and I’m proud of her.
Michael Wenig
I have found this to be true in my relationship. Depending on the love language of your significant other or spouse, conveying this way may differ. It appears that Allie’s love language is “Words of Encouragement,” which would be the same as my wife. My wife finds great relief and encouragement when I let her know how well I think she is doing. Don’t get me wrong, our wives enjoy a clean living space, but it is more impactful to let her know how proud I am of her.
Allie’s primary resolution to being stressed is buckling down and working harder. Studying harder and putting in more work can bring a sense of relief for her when she is successful. It is most beneficial for her to step away and have small frequent breaks where she partakes in activities that avoid work. Taking time to play with their dog Beesly on trips that include exercise is also helpful. They both enjoy going to new places getting to spend time together.
Allie is an avid runner and will use exercise as “medicine” to help relieve daily stress and anxiety. Exercise is beneficial for a lot of reasons, but it takes a lot of commitment and effort. It is hard to push yourself to exercise but can be very rewarding. Allie has a lot of motivation and dedication, and it shows in her life daily.
Some hobbies they enjoy together are hosting people in their home and going out with friends. These times tend to be accompanied by good conversation, food and drinks. It doesn’t matter if they stay at home or go out, they enjoy having the fellowship, food, and time together.
The most impactful collective practice for Allie and Michael in reducing stress is having a spiritual discipline of Sabbath. Keeping disciplined to this has helped them in many aspects of their lives and has created a better balance of Work vs. Life. I find this to be one of the best times of the week for us as well. It gives an opportunity to spend time together without commitments and let’s us enjoy being in each other’s company.
Extracurriculars
Allie and Michael love reading, watching sports and hosting others. Hosting others and initiating activities is their favorite thing to do together. They recognize that most of Allie’s peers (and their spouses) are new to this season of life and the city. They may feel lonely, overwhelmed and desire friendship. By inviting them into their home they are able to build relationships with them.
Frequent walks and adventures with their dog Beesly create some exciting times. Beesly keeps them on their toes while they take her out on walks in parks and on trails. All three of them enjoy being out in nature in each other’s company. Beesly is a Viszla, a high energy and athletic dog breed that seems to fit in well to the Wenig’s active lifestyle.
When they are not hanging out with people (or Beesly), they also enjoy trying new drinks and making cocktails. Allie also enjoys baking desserts with Michael. There are a lot of different activities that Michael and Allie enjoy, but most of the joy comes from doing them together.
Satisfaction
Michael can see from Allie that she is 100% satisfied in her work. They try to talk at dinner or whenever they can catch up in the evening on a daily basis. They have worked hard to build a relationship culture in which they openly communicate and ask questions. They find themselves with the ability to talk about their days in marginal times of the morning, over a meal or in the evening.
Michael is a college campus missionary for Cru. He has fairly relaxed hours which allows him to be with Allie most of the time when she is home. That being said, due to working on college campuses, he finds himself busy at times when Allie is home. This kind of situation adds a little bit of stress to Michael’s life. Times were tougher when they were in medical school, but that was mostly due to the fact that they had one income.
Allie expresses interest in Michael’s work. It means a lot to Michael that she asks him about what he is doing. She does her best to stay up to date which conveys a sense of interest from her side. I find this very useful in relationships. Having a partner that shows they are interested in what you do makes a difference in motivation. I find that it affirms our actions while we are trying our best.
Finances
Michael and Allie are satisfied with their income. It can be difficult to budget and live a financially disciplined lifestyle, especially when other students appear to live extravagant lives. Living within your means may not always be the most fun, but it is very rewarding.
During medical school they were able to lively solely from Michael’s income. They had plenty of money to pay bills, go out with friends and take small trips. The main key for them is having discipline and well laid-out budget. Sticking to the budget is the hardest part by far! I have found that it’s pretty easy to make a budget, especially with different apps that available on the market. It is difficult to hold back spending when things arrive that catch our interest.
Relationship
Transitioning into medical school can be difficult. For the Wenig’s, they have had to forgive, offer graciousness, and lots of patience to one another during the transition. They set a definitive list of values and scheduled their time accordingly. Their faith and marriage have been placed at the forefront of their journey.
Allie and Michael have worked as a team through medical school. Allie does not have to go anything alone. Michael has been there to help with meals, work around the home, and help carry the burden when times were hard. He was also there in the times where she needed someone to help her celebrate. Prioritizing their marriage has helped Allie out appropriate boundaries on her time spent studying. Having a spouse pushed Allie to use her time wisely so that she could spend time with Michael and taking breaks.
Michael has not ever felt that being married has hindered them in their lives. Marriage is intended to enrich their lives, and they are experiencing it first hand. Marriage is not intended to be a unity reflecting “roommates”, but is for us to work together.
Michael strives to be the launchpad for Allie’s career. He is currently at a point in life where he works hard to support Allie. The time where he supports her will never end, but may change over time. He makes sure that Allie knows that she has worth and purpose no matter the outcome of her career. Michael strives to ensure that Allie knows that her worth isn’t tied to her job or status of her career. Setting Allie up for success and keeping their priorities in order have been some of the biggest challenges for Michael in their relationship.
Final Thought
The Wenig’s are working together to conquer schooling for Allie. She has a ways to go, but she is well over the hump. I think they are doing a great job keeping their priorities in order.
Marriage is a team effort that requires cooperation and hard work. The only way to succeed is to have the same goals in mind and support each other in their interests. The Wenigs are doing what they can to take interest in each other’s lives and support their decisions. There is something in their relationship we can all note for our own lives.
Failure is an interesting concept to me because it changes depending on the perspective. If we make an attempt for a goal in life, but we don’t achieve our goal, we tend to say that we “failed.” If it is a constant and continuing process of failing we tend to say that some is a “failure.” But why is this the case?
Important Definitions
The definition of fail is to be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal. By this definition, if we make the attempt to achieve anything and do not succeed, we have failed. That doesn’t mean that we won’t learn anything along the way, but we have failed. It’s not fun to fail and lose out on achieving our goals. Failing to reach our goals is part of life. We set goals and strive to achieve them and occasionally roadblocks stop us. It is demoralizing and crushing to our morale when we fall short. This usually results in losing the prize at the end of hard work. There are times when we set a goal that is a stretch for our abilities but making goals that are difficult is what pushes us to try our best.
The definition of failure is lack of success. It is possible for us to fail to achieve our goals, but we are not a failure by this definition. Failure would be if we arrived for our goal, failed, but did not come away with anything from the experience. Failure is a lack of learning and success in any way.
Repetitive Failed Goals
I, like most people, sets goals for myself and strive to achieve them. To be honest, I fail quite regularly. I have been working on remodeling part of my basement now for over a year and have failed nearly every milestone that I set in the beginning. I originally wanted to complete the project by Christmas of 2019 and it looks like it will not be completed by Christmas 2020. It is hard to push ourselves when we are not motivated or the reward doesn’t seem to outweigh the input of work. My basement is a great reward and there has been a lot of work input to reach where I am today. I hope to complete the project by the end of the year, but it will take more determination and effort than I have invested recently.
Looking back at my progress I can see that even though I have failed nearly all of my goals, I have come a long way. The space is painted, flooring installed, electrical run, and it’s almost complete. This has still happened with a long list of failed goals. So with all these failed goals, should I consider myself a failure?
Failing ≠ Failure
It’s easier for me to see my progress with something tangible like my basement. I can walk down my stairs and look at the ceiling, walls, and floor and easily depict whether or not a task has been completed, and a goal met. It may be harder to tell when looking at our lives. Not everything that we set a goal to complete is as simple as my basement project. Not all goals we set in our lives have obvious milestones leading up to the primary goal.
Medical students take a Step 1 exam around the end of their second year across the nation. Some of them take it earlier or later, but this seems to be the norm. This is a huge test (if you know a medical student ask them about it) and failing is not an option. Failure is possible and a small percentage of students that fail every year seem to be cast into a different class of students. That failed exam is carved into their permanent academic record. They can retake the exam but the previous failure will always show. I don’t know anyone that has failed but I think this is due to knowing some really good students. From my perspective it seems that most of the students are scared or terrified that they will fail, and use it as motivation to study harder and push for their goal of passing. Students that fail on their first attempt can retake it and become doctors. Failing creates a different path for them, but it is possible. It’s probably best to avoid it but many ask themselves “What if I fail?”
It’s hard to put a positive spin on a failed Step 1 exam due to the repercussions in the students life. Here are some questions that I think we can ask ourselves when we fail our goals.
Is this failed attempt going to ruin my life?
Is there anything positive that has come from this attempt?
Did I achieve anything along the way?
The most important questions are below.
Did I try my best?
What did I learn from this failed attempt?
Is this goal worth trying for again?
The first three questions help to gain some perspective of the situation. I think that in every failure that we experience, there is something positive. It isn’t easy to see positive points after a failed attempt. We may not be able to look back and find it right away, but I believe that it exists. The second three questions are the more important questions in my opinion. The separation between a failed attempt and failure is being able to look at how hard we worked, what we can learn, and if it’s worth pursuing again.
Avoiding Failure
For me the defining line between failing and being a failure is what we learn and how we take our next steps. If we strive to achieve and goals and succeed, then well done. In the event that we fail to achieve our goal but do not learn anything, that is failure.
If failure is defined as a lack of success then as long as we have some sort of success, failure does not occur. I believe that we can always learn from times that we fail. We may learn more about ourselves on how we should/could have handled the situation when compared to success. Maybe we learn that the goal isn’t worth the effort because we don’t enjoy the road to success (or the prize) as much as we thought we would. Maybe we realize where we caused our downfall and can prepare for the next attempt.
The key to avoiding failure is to do our best, learn, and find a way to achieve our goals. There are goals in life that are not achievable. Our mind and body have limits but I don’t think that we usually push ourselves far enough to find them. There is a point where we will be limited and won’t achieve a goal.
It’s hard to tell when the challenge is too much or we didn’t try hard enough. We tend to be limited by our will power and the desire to press on toward our goal. Keeping devoted to a task is hard, especially if the road to the finish line is rough.
Final Thought
I think that people are not failures or achieve failure unless they do not look at what happened and learn from it. Taking the time to look at the situation and think about what happened makes a huge difference in the success when someone tries again. We need to learn from our (and others) past mistakes so that we can be more success on our endeavors of the future. Keep pushing for your goals, learn along the way, and do your best.
If we fail to achieve our goal while learning nothing, we have achieved failure.
My wife is a planner which is useful in so many ways. We have a lot of commitments and it helps to have a plan set forward before embarking on new adventures. Planning for different life events has helped us avoid being unprepared and see potential failures. I enjoy planning some things in life but prefer to go with the flow in most circumstances. Many people prefer to make plans, which are often shifted, and I thought it would be worth discussing how I practice staying relaxed, accepting outcomes, and rolling with the punches. So, when life doesn’t follow my plan how do I deal with the changes?
My Plan of Attack
I tend to follow a process to handle situations where changes occur. My way of handling these changes isn’t perfect, but it works well for most situations. I have broken it out into the following 5 steps.
Look at the situation as a whole picture.
Determine the severity of the situation.
Find the problem.
Plan steps to solve the problem.
Execute the original or new goal.
A Scenario
Let’s say I am planning to purchase a used car from a local dealership. I own a good driving vehicle but am looking for an upgrade. I search online and find a model of vehicle that I like and spend an extensive amount of time studying. I have looked at lots of reviews and find that this vehicle fits my needs and would make a great long term buy. I look at some local dealerships for a few weeks and notice that a new listing has been posted for the vehicle of my interest. I also notice that there are a few listing further away in some nearby towns.
On a Saturday, the only day I am free, I go on a test drive in the vehicle and discover that it has some minor issues, but is still in excellent condition. All-in-all it seems like a great vehicle, listed at a perfect price point for my budget.
After my test drive I arrive back at the dealership to discuss purchasing with a salesperson. I inform them that I should be able to make a decision soon but would like to look around more at other options. They are left with my phone number, and I tell them I could be back in 1 week to make the purchase.
Before I have time to return, I receive a call from the dealership that the vehicle has sold.
A Distant Analysis
Looking at the situation from a distance I see the following facts.
There was a local vehicle for sale.
I know the model of vehicle I want.
I know the price I want to pay.
I liked how the vehicle drove.
I know what price people will pay.
It sold quickly.
A Calculated Severity
In this situation I would look at the repercussions from missing out on purchasing this vehicle.
I didn’t make the purchase and have to continue driving my current vehicle.
I may end up having to pay more and potentially less for a similar vehicle.
I get to keep my money a little longer.
I have more time to branch out my search.
Looking at the list above, missing out on purchasing this vehicle will not have harsh repercussions. I still have my good running car to fall back on and have learned more information on the process of purchasing a used car. I liked that vehicle, but there are others ones that are for sale. If I were to have made this purchase, which is the first that came available, I would not know what else is out there.
Snoop Around
I find it productive to look at why I was not able to purchase that vehicle.
I was not ready to make the purchase at the time of the test drive and decided to wait. I have given an opportunity for someone else to swoop in and make the purchase. I should consider being prepared to make the purchase upon visiting the dealership to lessen my chances of this happening again.
I’ve got (another) Plan!
In this scenario, I have no other choice but to create a new plan. The vehicle that I was interested in purchasing sold to someone else, so it is not available for me.
The new plan is to find another vehicle for sale and put in the work to make the purchase.
Pressing On
In this step I should be putting in the work to find another vehicle for sale. This requires me putting in the work to search dealerships, private sellers, and possibly a larger radius to find the vehicle for me. I can push forward using the previous experience to guide me on my future decisions.
Some new things that I have learned is that I should be ready to buy upon inspecting the vehicle. If I go in unprepared for purchase, there is a chance I can lose the opportunity again.
Understanding the Situation
It is said a lot, but try try again. Being optimistic and looking at the situation from a positive perspective makes a huge difference. When I fail, or feel as if I have failed, I prefer to look at the situation as maybe I avoided some sort of issue. Was I supposed to succeed? Was my blocked path actually protecting me?
Maybe the vehicle I was trying to purchase had a lot of issues. That vehicle may have had engine or transmission problems, which would have resulted in expensive repairs. Maybe the vehicle would only last me a year or two before breaking down. It’s hard to tell, but like I said, I prefer to think of blocked life paths in this way. Due to the fact that I didn’t make the purchase, I won’t know the end result for the vehicle. But I choose to think that maybe I wasn’t supposed to go down that path. Maybe the path that I missed out on wasn’t the path for me, and my next path could be better. Not every path with challenges is a path worth losing, but it is hard to tell when that is the case. There are times when putting in the work to go down the path becomes too much.
In my scenario, I could have tried to find out who bought the vehicle. I could have them tracked them down and made them an offer. Would this be wise? I’m probably going to end up spending a lot more money than if I went out and found a different vehicle. There are times in life where we may need to do this, but it is hard to tell when it is what we should do.
A Final Thought
When looking back at the scenario above, put something from your life as the vehicle that was sold before you could buy it. Maybe your road block is a job you wanted, a car, a relationship, or a life event. It’s hard to come back from some of our failures or losses, but we can learn from them. We may not get what we want, but I believe we are pushed down paths for what we need.
I believe that we are led paths for certain reasons in our lives. There is a path we are made to go on and it tends to be a path we don’t understand. It tends to be a path that if we knew before hand, we would be too scared to go down. We would more than likely feel like quitting or seeking a new path due to what we see ahead.
This is also why I tend not to worry about what’s ahead, and try to view new challenges as something that builds us up stronger than before. That doesn’t mean that I don’t worry or get nervous, because I do. We can learn from the blocked paths and lost ventures, using that information to progress on our next attempt a little further.
My mom gave me a gift this weekend while I was with her for thanksgiving. I’m pretty sure it was meant as a Christmas gift, but she got it in the mail the day after thanksgiving while I was still visiting. She handed me this small brown box and said, “when I saw these I knew you needed to hear them”.
Inside the box, I found two necklaces. They were simple gold pendants with a card behind each of them. This is what the card said.
I WILL RISE
In this hard season, she will conquer the mountain. She is steadying herself and leaning into His grace. And with each step forward she will whisper to herself, “I will rise.”
I turned the card over and found a
Bible verse that was new to me.
Ezra 10:4
Rise up. This matter is in your hands. We will support you. So take courage and do it.
A few weeks ago I wrote about depression. About finding yourself in the “dark and twisty” place. Sitting in the valley. And I told myself, and wrote to you all, that you just have to keep moving forward. But.. I forgot a step. Sometimes in those times, we may no longer be standing. Maybe we are sitting in the valley. Maybe we are lying down in those low spots.
Before we move forward, we need to rise up. (Like it’s easy or something.) I’m sure many of you know how hard that first move is. To rise up. But listen here, it says “Rise up… we will support you.” Do you see that? These things may be in your hands but we WILL support you.
And that’s what my mom wanted me to see, wanted me to hear. Rise up! We will support you. Those times can feel so lonely, but look up and look around, reach out. We will support you. I will support you.
I know thanksgiving looked different for most of us this year. I know many traditions had to be put on pause. And as we look toward Christmas, I hope we can find joy, hope, and thankfulness for what we have and the wonderful things ahead of us.
Thanksgiving has always been a time that my wife and I enjoy. We love getting to spend time with family, eat good food, and have a break from school or work. A shorter school break will occur this year during a time of COVID-19 and medical school commitments. That being said, we will be thankful for what we have been able to do this year despite the different hurdles that have arisen in our path. Traditionally we get to celebrate with all of our family members devouring large amounts of food. Though that may not happen to the same caliber this year, we can still be just as grateful for how we have been blessed.
A Smaller Group
With COVID-19 infecting different parts of the United States, we are being influenced to keep our gatherings to a minimum. Many of my friends have had their Thanksgiving plans cancelled or changed to cut down to a small group size. This will cause them to miss seeing some of their more distant relatives in an effort to follow the set guidelines. This is a sad time for most, especially those who haven’t seen each other since last Christmas.
The time that people have been apart from relatives has taken a toll on them mentally. We have a large number of older members that have been mostly isolated from the outside world, and they will now miss getting to see their family members at this holiday. For some, the isolation has now been for 7+ months which is a very long time apart from closer family members and friends.
Minimized Family
We have been urged by our local governments to cut down the sizes of our gatherings in an effort to slow the spread of COVID-19. This doesn’t mean that we can’t have a celebration, but we are supposed to limit our gathering sizes. If you are from a larger family, this can leave out family members from celebrating. Smaller families may not feel this as much, but larger families will for sure. One of my friends is from a large family that is sprawled out across the Midwestern United States. They have made the decision to keep separate for Thanksgiving. There will be no gathering, family reunion, or time where they will all see each other this season.
Giving Thanks
There are a lot of things that we are thankful for this year, despite the plan changes due to Covid-19. Here are some things that I am thankful for this year. Hopefully some of the things that have blessed me, have blessed you as well.
We have a home.
This may seem like a given, but there are a lot of people in the United States right now that do not have a home. They may have lost their job or home due to uncontrolled circumstances and are trying to make it daily.
We have family.
Not everything that our families do is what we want, but they are doing what they think is best for us. We know that we can call on them if we need help and they will try. The current events with COVID-19 will keep us from seeing some of our family members, but they know we still love them.
We have food on the table.
I have been fortunate enough to work during this national COVID-19 fiasco without interruptions. I know people close to me that have not been able to keep their jobs or remain at work. Unemployment has struck a lot of families this year and will affect them through the holidays.
We have grown closer together.
With the COVID-19 circumstances around us we have been able to spend more time together. We took walks, rode bikes, and watched movies together quite a bit this year. Without being able to travel or shop as much this year, we have been pushed to find things we enjoy together.
We have amenities.
As always, one of my favorite responses to “what are you thankful for?” is indoor plumbing and air conditioning. These are things that we take for granted in our everyday lives. Not having to haul water or leave our climate conditioned home to use the bathroom is an amenity that most of us can’t imagine living without. In the heat of summer we have the ability to crank the ac so it’s icy in our homes and cars. Some amenities I greatly appreciate.
Final Thoughts
Many people have lost a great deal this year. Some have lost jobs, homes, or family members. If this is the case for you, I believe you still have a lot going for you. We have a lot of good things going for us. We are truly and deeply blessed even if we don’t see it at first. I urge you to take some time to think about all of the ways you have been fortunate this year.
To finish off this post I would like to remind you to call, text, email, or video chat with those family members that can’t make it to your gathering. It may have a huge positive impact on their mental health. It will also show them that you are thinking of them and give you an opportunity to let them know you appreciate them. We want to be together with our families, but the circumstances are not in our favor this year.
We will have to hope things improve and re-evaluate the state of our country come Christmas time.
