My wife and I wanted to capture more of our lives which resulted in purchasing a camera just before last Christmas. I made a post a while back on what we were going to purchase, but I haven’t taken the time to put together a summary of how we are enjoying ourselves. We have been able to secure taking photos of my friends and family which has offered good practice. It has taken some time to get good practice, but we are getting closer to feeling comfortable taking photos for others. Taking photos for others is one of my goals in this venture, but there is a lot of practice required before feeling comfortable. I don’t want to take photos of someone just to have all of the photos be bad or have some sort of flaw. This is probably one of my greatest fears in photography!
My Brief Analysis
I’m not going to write a review of the camera that we purchased because there are plenty on the internet. I have not experienced the camera long enough to write a strong detailed review, but maybe someday. We made the decision to purchase a Sony Mirrorless camera. Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t purchase the tried and true DSLR. The reason we did not purchase a DSLR is… there really isn’t a reason against the DSLR. We purchased a mirrorless camera in part because it is newer technology but I also thought that it would be fun to try. I know people with DSLR cameras and I thought it would be fun to try something different. The biggest difference that I have seen between it and a DSLR, is having a screen inside the viewfinder. This has been very nice and seems to have made taking photos easier than with a DSLR. The quality that we have gotten from the camera is very high. I think that a lot of the photos we’ve taken are professional quality. I have found that if I want to take easy photos, I can set it up to be just as easy as a smartphone.
Having the ability to manual focus has been new as well. I have not had the option and it is not a standard feature on smartphones. I have enjoyed getting to pick our point of focus and created more depth in our photos. My wife enjoys taking photos in this fashion that have a lot of bokeh (focusing on an object with lots of blur in the surround objects). I like taking control of the camera and making all of the setting myself even though the camera is pretty smart.
I would say that overall my experience with the Sony Mirrorless camera has been very good. It has only been about 5 months, but it seems that its only getting better.
My Photography Goals
One of my main goals while taking up photography is to capture more of our lives. It can be difficult to take things or materialistic items with us due to being in medical school, but we can take thousands and thousands of photos without much trouble. We are hoping to detail our lives for our own sake so that we can someday share our memories with our families. I have found that most people lost the art of the scrap book, but we want to keep files of our photos in a similar fashion.
After getting good at taking photos I would like to venture out to help others experience the joy of seeing a moment from their lives. It’s not an easy task (capturing a moment from someone’s life in a photo) but it is something that I would like to strive to achieve. My wife is in medical school which makes her pretty busy. I am reaching out to find new hobbies and challenges to fill my time that can also carry over to when my wife becomes a practicing doctor. I am hoping that photography will become a lifelong hobby that we can enjoy together.
There comes a time in nearly everyone’s life where they have to make the decision on what they are going to pursue doing for a living. For most this occurs at the completion of high school, undergrad or graduate school. Not everyone makes a long term choice on the first attempt either, sometimes it’s not than easy to find what we want to do the rest of our lives.
For those pursuing an M.D. degree like my wife, a big decision has to be made around the completion of the third year of medical school. This time of their educational career pushes them to pick what specialty they will pursue. There are many specialties within the medical field and one must be chosen for residency. My wife was torn for a long time on what she would pursue.
After looking at many different specialties and experiencing these doctors’ daily operation, my wife has chosen OB/GYN. It appears to be the best mix of surgery and patient contact. My wife enjoys getting to talk with patients building a relationship with them. A lot of the dedicated surgery specialties have little time talking with patients and this is important to her. Family medicine has a lot of contact with patients getting to know them, but my wife would prefer to have a surgery aspect to her career.
So, how did she make the decision? What were some things that she considered when making this decision?
The (almost) Doctor’s Thoughts
Hi! So, when I first started medical school I thought I wanted to go into general surgery. I loved the idea of operating and being able to use my hands to fix a problem. I loved anatomy and wanted to spend every day getting to use that knowledge. I didn’t think I wanted long term patient continuity and I wasn’t sure about long clinic days.
The summer between M1 and M2 year, I did an anatomy elective that allowed me to focus on the female reproductive system. I was able to do my own dissection and learn about some common procedures. I fell in love with the pelvic anatomy. From there I started doing some more research. A not so secret secret: OB/GYNs are amazing surgeons! M2 year brought lectures and book work on the reproductive system and I came out of that class with a pretty good idea that this was the right field. But first, I needed to experience it in real life.
Some of my thoughts changed when I got into third year. I wanted to find a specialty where I could use my full potential. I wanted it to fit my personality. I wanted it to fit with my goals outside of medicine. Jacob and I started talking more about the life we wanted to have outside of medical school and residency. What were the goals we wanted for our life? For our family? That’s when I knew I needed to find a specialty that would also be supportive of my life outside of medicine.
As I went through each rotation I talked with the physicians about their lives, why they chose that field, and the highs and lows of that specialty. I crossed off some specialties right away. I didn’t want a lot of down time. I get bored a little too easily. I didn’t want super sick patients. Intensive care is a little too sad and frustrating. I liked kids, but I didn’t want to only take care of kids. By Christmas, I knew that I was between General Surgery and OB/GYN. I decided OB/GYN was the best option after my clerkship in January. The residents and attendings love their work and are happy even during the long hours. On service, I saw women in all stages of life supporting each other as they learn to become the best physicians they can be. The combination of surgery and clinic keeps the days interesting. I love that I will be able to care for women throughout their lives and be with them for some very important occasions. This specialty will allow Jacob and I to move back to a more rural community and fits well with our vision of the future.
Final Thoughts
Making big life decisions is hard. It causes a lot of stress and worry which makes the process difficult. I have found through our processes that considering the following can guide us on our path.
What is the most valuable thing in my life?
Is this decision the biggest thing in my life?
If I were not to proceed with this decision, would I still feel satisfied in life?
What steps can I take to eliminate other options?
When it comes to careers, if I were to lose this opportunity, what else do I still have?
How can this career help me achieve my life goals?
Will my life goals be blocked by choosing this career?
Will my job choice influence my family life positively?
How can I have a career and a family?
Does one choice offer better benefits?
Do I feel that one will be a career and one a job?
Obstacles in life give us opportunities to find ways to manage change. Our time spent in 2020 gave many different obstacles to cross and taught us many lessons. I wouldn’t say that 2020 was a great year for most people, but I think we can learn a lot from the events that influenced our lives and the medical student community.
January
January started off as a normal time for us. My wife was going to school regularly without any hiccups. I went to work without having to do anything special, like wear a mask, and partook in normal work activities. During this time my wife was approaching taking the Step 1 exam. Near the end of the month on January 21, 2020 the first COVID-19 case was reported in the United States by the CDC. At the time, we didn’t think it would cause such great repercussions in our lives, but we would soon find out the extent of the disruptions.
February
My wife was in the phase of school where she needed to start studying for Step 1 as I have said previously. For the most part, she could do her schooling from home so disruptions in the hospitals and school were not a problem for her learning. February was the time when the United States began to proactively react to COVID-19, which meant restrictions for gathering.
Medical school is different than most learning centers from what I have seen. Most of my wife’s classes are optional for attending in-person and a lot of students choose to learn from home. This is something that was established long before 2020 and I think has helped the students to continue their education through the Pandemic. At the tail end of February my wife finished M2 year and began her dedicated study time for Step 1. This created a lot of isolation for her preceding the isolation that was to come from COVID-19.
Fun fact: We celebrated 9 years together on Feb 12.
March
This was the month where social distancing began to really take hold of Ohio. The state started limiting group sizes which cut down on people’s movement and gatherings. This also began creating isolation for a lot of people. I had been fortunate enough at this time to continue working while my wife studied for Step 1.
My wife began isolation 6 weeks before her scheduled date for Step 1. She studied about 10-12 hours per day, 7 days per week during this time. As the date approached we were worried of date changes due to gathering limitations at the testing centers. Our fears became a reality near the end of March. Her date was cancelled in the middle of March. She was given the option to take it again 2 weeks later. This was the first time she changed her date.
April
My wife’s original test date for Step 1 was April 3. With limitations on group sizes testing centers began to cancel the students current opportunity for testing. My wife’s testing date was cancelled and ultimately was moved to a date about 6 more weeks out. We hoped that being 6 more weeks there would be a better flow or testing allow her to participate. She had changed her date about 4 times before getting it set to May 19.
Her test didn’t happen at this time either. Her new testing date was set for Oct 8. She made the decision May 1 to cancel her May date and take 2 weeks off before M3 year began. At this point, she had spent nearly 11 weeks by herself 12 hours a day.
May
My wife’s birthday is in May! We started taking day trips for fun so that we could spend more time together. Day trips are fun and the cost is fairly low, especially when compared to staying overnight somewhere.
I tried to make her birthday special even though we couldn’t do anything fancy with a bunch of people. Thankfully, she is always happy with a walk by the lake and some ice cream.
Aleena started M3 year on May 18. Her class was online and she spent her time at home preparing for clerkships. This would be the year she entered the hospitals to work. With the craziness going on in the hospital, her clerkship schedule changed drastically. Each of her rotations were shortened and she wouldn’t get into her first rotation until the end of June.
June
We made a day trip to Cuyahoga Falls just outside Cleveland, OH. We had never been there and it seemed like a good place to site see. We drove over early in the morning and hit up some of the major spots and hiked around on trails.
We intended on staying for a nice dinner, but made the decision to head home a little early. It was about a 3 hour drive and it was nice to drive home in the daytime. I made up for the change in dinner plans by making a seafood bake in my smoker!
July
4th of July wasn’t cancelled, but it was significantly smaller than 2019. We don’t usually do anything extravagant for the 4th, but this year we didn’t have the option. It seemed that most people had smaller events.
Aleena was busy with her surgery clerkship and I was working. We started getting comfortable with long days and early bedtimes.
August
The month of my birthday! As with everything that happened this year, we didn’t do anything extravagant. I usually prefer to go out to eat with my wife and spend some quality time with her. We were still able to do that which is good.
September
After all the rescheduling it was finally time for my wife to prepare for Step 1 (again…). Most of September was spent with her studying at home. We would go to the parks to give her a break and enjoy the nice weather.
October
My wife was able to get into a testing location in October. It wasn’t an easy, or short, road to this point but it was worth it. The studying and isolation was hard on her, but I believe it made her stronger today. By the end of the month we found out she passed! We were incredibly grateful for the outcome after such an unexpected road. At the end of October was Halloween, which was greatly disrupted by the pandemic.
November
Celebrating Thanksgiving was much different for us this year. Last year we were able to host some of the medical students at our house for a small celebration. This year we were not able to do so due to group size, so maybe next year. We were able to safely see our families for the holiday. It was really important for my wife to spend some time with her parents.
December
The holidays came around. We managed to spend some time with my family and with hers. It can get hard at time to spend a late Friday night driving to our family’s homes, but we enjoy their company. My wife spent most of her break with her parents. This way she wouldn’t be alone during the week. Maybe next year we will be back to normal, or at least something similar to 2019.
Closing Thoughts
For those that know my wife, you know that my wife is tough. She has accomplished more in medical school than I feel I did during all of my schooling. She has been persistent and composed through medical school in testing and studying. Now that she is working in hospitals she has been able to put the rest of her talents to good use.
2020 was much different than any year we had experienced in our lifetime. Lots of restrictions were placed on what we can do outside of our home. We are hoping that 2021 will bring better news and be more prosperous for us all.
Failure is an interesting concept to me because it changes depending on the perspective. If we make an attempt for a goal in life, but we don’t achieve our goal, we tend to say that we “failed.” If it is a constant and continuing process of failing we tend to say that some is a “failure.” But why is this the case?
Important Definitions
The definition of fail is to be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal. By this definition, if we make the attempt to achieve anything and do not succeed, we have failed. That doesn’t mean that we won’t learn anything along the way, but we have failed. It’s not fun to fail and lose out on achieving our goals. Failing to reach our goals is part of life. We set goals and strive to achieve them and occasionally roadblocks stop us. It is demoralizing and crushing to our morale when we fall short. This usually results in losing the prize at the end of hard work. There are times when we set a goal that is a stretch for our abilities but making goals that are difficult is what pushes us to try our best.
The definition of failure is lack of success. It is possible for us to fail to achieve our goals, but we are not a failure by this definition. Failure would be if we arrived for our goal, failed, but did not come away with anything from the experience. Failure is a lack of learning and success in any way.
Repetitive Failed Goals
I, like most people, sets goals for myself and strive to achieve them. To be honest, I fail quite regularly. I have been working on remodeling part of my basement now for over a year and have failed nearly every milestone that I set in the beginning. I originally wanted to complete the project by Christmas of 2019 and it looks like it will not be completed by Christmas 2020. It is hard to push ourselves when we are not motivated or the reward doesn’t seem to outweigh the input of work. My basement is a great reward and there has been a lot of work input to reach where I am today. I hope to complete the project by the end of the year, but it will take more determination and effort than I have invested recently.
Looking back at my progress I can see that even though I have failed nearly all of my goals, I have come a long way. The space is painted, flooring installed, electrical run, and it’s almost complete. This has still happened with a long list of failed goals. So with all these failed goals, should I consider myself a failure?
Failing ≠ Failure
It’s easier for me to see my progress with something tangible like my basement. I can walk down my stairs and look at the ceiling, walls, and floor and easily depict whether or not a task has been completed, and a goal met. It may be harder to tell when looking at our lives. Not everything that we set a goal to complete is as simple as my basement project. Not all goals we set in our lives have obvious milestones leading up to the primary goal.
Medical students take a Step 1 exam around the end of their second year across the nation. Some of them take it earlier or later, but this seems to be the norm. This is a huge test (if you know a medical student ask them about it) and failing is not an option. Failure is possible and a small percentage of students that fail every year seem to be cast into a different class of students. That failed exam is carved into their permanent academic record. They can retake the exam but the previous failure will always show. I don’t know anyone that has failed but I think this is due to knowing some really good students. From my perspective it seems that most of the students are scared or terrified that they will fail, and use it as motivation to study harder and push for their goal of passing. Students that fail on their first attempt can retake it and become doctors. Failing creates a different path for them, but it is possible. It’s probably best to avoid it but many ask themselves “What if I fail?”
It’s hard to put a positive spin on a failed Step 1 exam due to the repercussions in the students life. Here are some questions that I think we can ask ourselves when we fail our goals.
Is this failed attempt going to ruin my life?
Is there anything positive that has come from this attempt?
Did I achieve anything along the way?
The most important questions are below.
Did I try my best?
What did I learn from this failed attempt?
Is this goal worth trying for again?
The first three questions help to gain some perspective of the situation. I think that in every failure that we experience, there is something positive. It isn’t easy to see positive points after a failed attempt. We may not be able to look back and find it right away, but I believe that it exists. The second three questions are the more important questions in my opinion. The separation between a failed attempt and failure is being able to look at how hard we worked, what we can learn, and if it’s worth pursuing again.
Avoiding Failure
For me the defining line between failing and being a failure is what we learn and how we take our next steps. If we strive to achieve and goals and succeed, then well done. In the event that we fail to achieve our goal but do not learn anything, that is failure.
If failure is defined as a lack of success then as long as we have some sort of success, failure does not occur. I believe that we can always learn from times that we fail. We may learn more about ourselves on how we should/could have handled the situation when compared to success. Maybe we learn that the goal isn’t worth the effort because we don’t enjoy the road to success (or the prize) as much as we thought we would. Maybe we realize where we caused our downfall and can prepare for the next attempt.
The key to avoiding failure is to do our best, learn, and find a way to achieve our goals. There are goals in life that are not achievable. Our mind and body have limits but I don’t think that we usually push ourselves far enough to find them. There is a point where we will be limited and won’t achieve a goal.
It’s hard to tell when the challenge is too much or we didn’t try hard enough. We tend to be limited by our will power and the desire to press on toward our goal. Keeping devoted to a task is hard, especially if the road to the finish line is rough.
Final Thought
I think that people are not failures or achieve failure unless they do not look at what happened and learn from it. Taking the time to look at the situation and think about what happened makes a huge difference in the success when someone tries again. We need to learn from our (and others) past mistakes so that we can be more success on our endeavors of the future. Keep pushing for your goals, learn along the way, and do your best.
If we fail to achieve our goal while learning nothing, we have achieved failure.
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. All of us have felt this at some point. Whether we get sick or have a family member pass, there will be a time when we are not happy. And that’s ok. When life is going well and we are on the ups, the downs can hit us hard.
My wife has had hard experiences during her life that have crippled her mentally, and made it hard for her to complete daily tasks. She is tough, but not invincible. Recently she made a post on social media that I think is worth sharing. The female perspective is different on these topics than mine, and that’s good. My wife feels and notices a lot more in some aspects than I do.
My wife is amazing and wrote this really well. She has been having a lower time in her life, though things are going well. Some of the frustration for her seems to come from where we are in life. There are a lot of decisions to be made and she feels like we are kind of stuck. Read the following message from her and see if you can relate.
“This is important. Pay attention.
What does depression look like to you?
I want to be honest. Like really honest. My timeline is full of happy pictures. Smiles and love. Family and friends. Next steps in my medical school journey. Memories of good times. That’s all great and life is full of wonderful moments…
But.
Life also has valleys. Times of sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and fear. And when I find myself in those valleys, they just seem a little deeper and a little darker than others.
“Aleena, why are you sad?” … I don’t know. “Aleena, why are you mad?” … I don’t know. “Aleena, let’s go out” … maybe another time. “Why aren’t you reading?” … I don’t want to. “Why don’t you take pictures?” … I don’t have the energy. “Let’s take a walk.” … I don’t know if I can move.
“Well if you don’t know, then why stay sad? Why stay angry? Why worry?” … I don’t know.
And I’m being honest. I don’t have an answer for these questions.
Please know I know that God has a plan for me. Please know that I know that there is good all around me. Please know I know it doesn’t help to focus on the negative. Please know I know it’s not productive to worry. Please know I know my God is in control. Because I know all this. It doesn’t change the fact that the valley is still deep and dark and it will take me time to climb out of it.
I’m so excited for each new rotation. I’m so excited to pick my specialty. I’m so excited to be an aunt. I’m so excited for the holidays. I’m so excited for Jacob and I’s next steps. I’m so excited for our future, my future.
I know things will get better, but right now, it’s about surviving. And surviving is enough. Surviving is good. Surviving is the first part of climbing out.
Please don’t worry or freak out. I’m ok. I am loved and taken care of. As my husband told me today, I have an army behind me ready to help and I am thankful for every single one of them.
So. If you happen to find yourself in the deep, dark valleys… I see you. I understand.
And I’m here. For the car rides. For the coffees. For the smoothies. For the silence. I’m here. And we survive together. We climb out together.
This year has been tough on all of us. Check in on each other. Realize that sometimes words can’t describe how someone is feeling. Just be there. That’s enough. And remember, valleys can’t be valleys without the mountain tops. You just have to keep moving forward ❤️
With love, Aleena”
My Learnings
I hear from my wife when she has had a bad day, week, or month that she doesn’t want to do much. It’s not easy for me to communicate with her because I tend not to get a response. I choose to make the decisions for her and nudge her to come with me to get out and avoid just sitting on the couch. I find it beneficial for her and it helps me to better understand her.
I’m still learning how to help her and handle these low points. My goal isn’t to make her happy instantly, but to make sure she knows that I am here. I try to make sure that she knows she is safe, loved, and things will get better. I have found some success in taking her out on a drive or to a park. Getting her mind off whatever she is thinking about and more into explaining and talking to me seems to help. It can be hard for her to talk, and hard for me to understand but it is beneficial for both of us.
Take time to listen. Take some mental notes and find some strategies to keep your spouse happy. Find what they need, which may not be what they want. Be patient, kind, and cautious. Use this time to learn about your spouse and do your best to be there to help them.
People tend to assume (jokingly) that I have married for the money. That isn’t totally true, since I have less money now than ever. I tend to tell them that I married for the “future” money, and just haven’t gotten my return yet on my investment. This is a joke, of course, but for whatever reason this is the first thing that comes to the minds of people I meet when I tell them that my wife is in medical school. Something that I have been wondering about lately is why? Why is this the first thing that comes to their mind? There are a lot of other ideas that come to mind why I married my wife, and none of them are for the money.
It can be difficult to tell whether or not we are doing well as a spouse in our relationships. We can only try our best, and try to play our cards in the best way possible. There are typical roles for brides and grooms in a married relationship, and I am going to describe why an atypical role (like mine) as a husband is exactly what husbands should be doing in the way of finances. This is assuming that my wife will be making more money than me after she completes medical school.
The Typical Circumstance
For the longest time, husbands have been the breadwinner of the household. Husbands have a natural drive to compete with others and provide for their families in the best way they see fit. This tends to drive men to earn money in order to provide everything from shelter to food. Without the dedication of the other half of the relationship it would be very difficult to have a car, house, or food in today’s society. Due to being gone all day, or night, the wife tends to cover most of the other tasks. I am in a similar situation in my life. My wife is in school and is not working, so I am the only one with time to work. I tend to pitch in to do chores around the home as well.
We are currently in a phase of life where I am the breadwinner, but that may not always be the case. When my wife finishes residency and begins practicing medicine she will be paid quite a bit. Will it be more than I am making? More than likely. Does the fact that my wife will make more than me upset me? No. I think that our society is on a path for more women to be out-earning men, and I will not be the only one gifted with this situation.
Why would I be upset about my wife working hard and striving to be the best wife and doctor she can be in this life? In my opinion, having the view that the man HAS to make more than the wife is a little selfish. Money is not the only contribution that a spouse can make into their relationship, but it is one of them. In this situation, where my wife makes more money than me, what can I do to continue to contribute to our relationship and our lives?
Future Finances
As with most relationships, the husband can continue to work after his wife becomes a doctor. Just because one person has a high income does not mean that the spouse has to just sit at home. I believe that as husbands we are called to provide for our families. If the thing that we see our family needs is more money, then we need to go work to provide. This is not a time to be complacent or push the responsibility of providing solely onto our wives. She has other skills that men do not possess, and we need to work together. I plan on continuing to work in some capacity. This may involve a job change or other circumstances depending on some other life events. If we have kids at the time this could mean that I provide for my family by taking care of them. If we want to have them in child care, this could mean that I would work a normal engineering job and earn additional income. I like to joke with people that I will just retire when she becomes a doctor, but I think there are too many things on my list of to-dos. Retiring at 32 seems like it would be a dream, but I would continue to work and provide what my family needs at that time.
Something that I can see doing to assist my wife in the way of finances is help her balance our budget, or do the leg work with accountants so that we can get where we want to be financially. Money is money, and doesn’t run our lives. My wife wants to be a doctor, typically a high paying job, to help people in need and make money along the way.
Early Retirement
Like I said before, as men and husbands we are called to take care of our wives and families. This isn’t always financially, but can be. I regret to inform you that I will not be retiring at 32. It does seem like it would be an interesting ride, but I don’t believe that we are made to mooch off our wives and be lazy. We are made for so much more than just being complacent with our finances. Here are some things that are important for a husband to strive to achieve in my situation.
We are called to protect our wives, families, neighbors, and those around us. I don’t think that I can fully engage myself in this while being retired. I have to do some sort of work in order to make sure that those around me are safe. I’m not a huge fan of paying people to come do work for me, and this will not change after my wife lands her first job.
We are called to provide for those around us. This may be taking my kids to school and making sure that they have good food for lunch. I can take care of my parents and in-laws to make sure that their needs are met. I can volunteer or work at church, school, or develop projects on the side to provide. Supporting your wife to help her live out her dreams is important and can come down to minor details like washing dishes. As an example, by washing dishes while she is at work, I may be able to lessen her stress and provide a calming environment for her when she comes home.
As men we are called to work. Sitting around watching TV is not what we are made to do. Manual labor ability is something that we have been gifted. We are made to work, and I believe that even when men retire at 65, they can’t help themselves but work. They may not be working for money, but they are making improvements in their lives.
Main Takeaway
Love your wife and support her in the ways that you can. Becoming a doctor is not an easy path. As men and husbands we need to work to provide in the best ways that we see fit. It doesn’t always boil down to financial support, but it does sometimes. There are so many other things in our lives that we can do if we are not going to support our families financially, you just have to look for them and push yourself.
Something that I admire in people is their willingness to take on life changes when it is going to be hard. It can be difficult to squeeze life events into schedules during medical school, but not impossible. Medical school consumes the lives of the students seemingly taking away (or delaying) different life opportunities. Not all students feel this way, but it appears to be this way for a majority of them from my perspective.
I have noticed there are quite a few single people looking to date during medical school. There are a few that meet their spouses during medical school and get married. I am not 100% sure, but I would guess that an even smaller number of couples get married during medical school. It can appear to be better to wait until after medical school, but not to Brent and Karyn.
Brent Veerman and Karyn Schmidt met each other during medical school. They met early in Karyn’s medical school career, and dated for about 20 months before getting married. This timeline currently puts Brent is his 4th year of medical school, and Karyn in her 3rd year. They got married on October 17th, 2020 which wasn’t long ago. Though they have been married for less than a month, they appear to be doing great. I have not heard any complaints, so it seems to be good so far. It takes some time to get used to living with someone, even your spouse. They are both great people with a long and happy marriage ahead of them. There will be more to come in their married lives, but I am primarily going to focus on their dating lives.
Daily Schedule
Seeing as both Brent and Karyn are medical students, it was difficult for them to tell if they were missing out on time together with their schedules. While dating there weren’t many times where one was free and the other was busy. Their schedules tended to align fairly regularly. Karyn doesn’t really see what they could have been missing, but it appears to be because they were so busy. Both of them enjoy cooking, and intend to keep cooking together after marriage. Cooking is a task they enjoy together and it gives them time together, and a meal. From my experience, taking time to cook a meal can build quality time together. I remember talking to Brent about he and Karyn cooking some different items, like potstickers, and how much he enjoys spending time with her.
One thing that seemed to weigh on Karyn while dating was the inability to have a lot of realdates. Real dates would be considered a time where she can go out with Brent to a nice meal, where they can have good conversation. They get to spend time together, but Karyn would prefer to have more time to go on dates. She hopes to have more of these opportunities now that they are married. From my perspective, Karyn enjoys making memories with Brent. It is unfortunate when we don’t have enough room in our schedules to get the amount of quality time that we would like.
Now that they are married, there will be changes in their daily schedules. One huge advantage that I can see is the fact that they get to spend every night together. One burden that I felt while dating was dropping my wife off at her dorm, and I know Brent and Karyn feel that as well. They have also experienced this because Brent and Karyn chose to put themselves in the same position while they were dating. It can be more expensive to live apart paying rent for two different places, but it’s worth it in my opinion. Getting to spend that time in the evening (and morning) with your spouse is one huge advantage for people when they are married. Being able to see your loved one at the end of each day makes a positive impact in their lives.
Stressors
From Karyn’s perspective, one of the biggest stressors for Brent has been choosing a specialty and where he would like to go for residency. This is a very common stressor that I have heard from medical students. One thing that makes the decision hard for Brent is he is one year ahead of Karyn. Depending on where he picks, and is chosen, they could be apart for one year while she completes medical school. It is difficult to balance making the choice between where to go and how far he will be from his wife.
Karyn chooses to help him handle the stress by talking through the stressful situations. This should allow Brent and Karyn to collaborate on big choices. They can put their minds together and share their viewpoints on the decision, which should help them make the decision with less stress. This is going to be a difficult decision for them, but not impossible. I know that I prefer to talk through stressful situations with my wife to make sure that I am making the right choice.
Brent enjoys working out and relaxing with his friends or roommates to handle stress. As everyone might know, exercise is a good stress reliever. That being said, exercise doesn’t relieve all stress on someone’s life. Karyn hopes that being married will allow them to spend more time together and in turn, lessen some of the stress in their lives. This has been the case for me, and for others that I have spoken with. Having someone by your side through your hardships makes a huge difference in the amount of stress accrued.
Extracurriculars
Brent and Karyn don’t have a ton of free time, but they work to make time for personal health. Brent works out regularly and enjoys playing intramural sports like basketball when possible. Karyn works out regularly on her own or with friends, but also spends time doing physical activities with Brent. Some physical activities that they enjoy together are tennis and mini golf.
Brent enjoys taking time for construction and crafting projects. I know that he enjoys doing these things, and I have invited him multiple times to my house to assist me on my projects. He has helped me work in my house, and we have worked on some projects of his as well. He was trying to find something to give Karyn as a wedding gift, so I offered him help so that he could build her gift. Brent spent a lot of time building her gift, and it’s amazing! Brent crafted a live edge maple and epoxy coffee table that will last them for years.
Karyn and Brent both enjoy traveling. Karyn has taken trips to Florida, Maine, and other places during medical school. They have gone on some trips and camped together, occasionally with Brent’s friends. Not really something I’m into, but Brent and Karyn are brave enough to have gone skydiving together! They trust each other a lot, and are enjoying the thrills of life together.
Satisfaction
Something important to keeping mental stamina up is enjoying the task at hand. Karyn knows overall Brent is enjoying his experience in medical school. Enjoying where he is in life will help him to work hard and feel satisfied. Karyn and Brent are able to have conversations daily recapping their experiences. This is something that I have found is much easier after marriage. In my opinion, it’s not hard to have a phone call to recap the day, but it’s a lot better in person. Being able to have an in-depth discussion recapping the day makes a difference in mental health. There are different events that happen during the day that take a toll on medical students. Patient condition, patient loss, and school work are common stressors. Talking about these things helps to reduce stress and can help to have more satisfaction in their work. Karyn is in a more unique situation when compared to me in my opinion. Since she is also a medical student, she can further relate to Brent when it comes to medicine than I will be able to relate to my wife. This offers a new perspective and will help them relate and converse with each other when it comes to medical field experiences. I don’t think that her situation gives a clear advantage over my situation, but it will be more beneficial is some aspects.
Finances
When it comes to students, finances tend to be a simple subject. Most students are forced to live off of loans due to not having income. Brent and Karyn are both medical students, which makes their financial situation tighter than mine. Medical school does not allow them any time during the year for a job. This is different than undergrad, which typically has summer vacation (time to make some money). They are currently living off of assistance from their parents and student loans. Without having steady income from a job it can be harder to live, but Karyn doesn’t feel this way. She feels that they are very fortunate in their lives financially. Part of the blessing is only having student loans through Brent. Paying off his loans will be their main focus as they progress into residency and the workforce.
Final Thoughts
Brent and Karyn put a significant amount of value on spending time together. I know for a fact they try to spend evenings and church together. Free time is hard to find, but they are trying to make it work. They are working together for a common goal, and helping each other along the way. I find this very useful because good mental health can be difficult to maintain with all of the strain becoming a doctor. They are open with each other (especially now that they are married) and can lean on each other when they are struggling. It can be difficult to make big life choices, and they have been working together on communication for a while.
They got married recently and will do great things in their lives and the medical field. As doctors they will work through good times and bad times together. They are able to relate to each other on a deeper level in their personal and professional lives. Valuable skills will be learned through these similarities and differences that they can pass to their kids. Brent and Karyn will be able to raise them with all the intuition and knowledge they have gained during these Med School years.
Getting married during medical school isn’t easy with the demand for time and commitment. Brent and Karyn are showing us that is it possible! Hopefully you (as the reader) can learn tips and tricks from their relationship, and implement them in your life.
Being away from your spouse can be hard. After being married for a few years people tend to grow accustomed to being around their loved one and living a certain lifestyle. My wife and I are experiencing this for sure now that she is learning at a location too far to commute.
AHECs (Area Health Education Centers) allow the medical students to learn from different doctors in different locations. The students are able to find locations that they may want to participate. There are a lot of these programs available, so keep an eye out. Some of these locations are rural, which is where my wife is currently stationed. She is currently staying in a small hotel that is provided by the school. It is nice that we don’t have to directly pay for her to stay at a new location as it is worked into the tuition fees. Paying for her to stay in another city for a week and a half could be pretty expensive for us as well. She is at a small town near Willard, OH working one-on-one with a physician. This doctor works in the internal medicine field at a clinic and is also a hospitalist at a nearby hospital.
Being apart from each other is something that my wife and I have not had to experience regularly. It can be difficult not having dinner together, preparing for bed, or waking up next to each other. This is something that we have grown accustomed to, but we can still be in communication with each other even when at a distance. We have some of the greatest inventions of our time for communication including video chatting. It is nice to be able to see the face of our loved one as we have a conversation and can really help lift them up if they are down.
There are some things that my wife and I are doing to help her keep motivated and more comfortable. My wife took her pillow, which might seem weird, but being able to have a similarity in your bed can help sleep better. She took different snacks and food for breakfast so that she doesn’t have to rush in the morning. These are also the items that she usually enjoys. She drove a new vehicle, which should be more reliable and make her feel more comfortable making commutes.
We have to see the benefits of these kinds of situations.
New medical field experiences.
Experience new medical procedures.
Build independence.
Get your name out there.
It is a new experience, which can make it scary or discomforting. You might be in a hotel that doesn’t meet your standards or have to drive further than you want. This experience will help you learn to fend for yourself and become a better physician.
Keep In Mind
You are going to have new experiences. This is a new situation, so make the most of it. Be prepared (clothes and supplies) for the clinic or hospital in which you are working.
Do what you can to avoid becoming lonely. When you get home from work you may be alone, which will make it different than normal. My wife is used to me being there, and I need to make sure that she feels I am still invested.
Relax and have fun. You are going to experience some new people and procedures.
The road to taking the Step 1 exam has been long. The Step 1 exam is the test that pushes students into different specialties for residency. Depending on the score that the student achieves, they can only go into certain specialties. Based on this information, it’s pretty easy to see why a medical student could get stressed out. It may also be my wife’s biggest challenge to this point in medical school. She takes the Step 1 exam tomorrow, October 8. She has worked so hard for this and I believe will do an amazing job.
She has been studying (this time) for a little over 3 weeks. The last time she attempted to take the exam before it was cancelled due to COVID-19, she studied for 12 weeks. That was a long duration of studying and being alone. This time, she is doing much better. It is a shorter study period but she has a lot of the knowledge from studying previously.
I don’t have a circumstance from my education that I can compare to the situation my wife is in with Step 1. I never had an exam where I needed to study for a month+ at 8-10 hours per day. It is a hard test, and the amount of time given to students shows the vast size and importance of this exam. It looks like it will be 280 questions, which seems pretty huge to me! Not only are there a lot of questions, it is a grueling exam that lasts 8 hours.
The studying that the students experience has to be challenging enough to prepare themselves for this exam. There are online study aids, books, and practice tests that help them prep. My wife has had access to all of these, and has had her nose in them now for 3 weeks. Personally, I don’t know if I could stay focused that long, which is why I think my wife is pretty amazing. She has been able to stick to studying and stay focused as she prepares for this exam.
When someone studies this much for an exam, it can be hard for them to do things like cook meals or clean the house. There just isn’t enough time in the day. So, I try to make meals and ensure she has drinks and snacks while I’m gone. I try to get fun things for her like juice, pudding, jello, and applesauce. It is kind of childish, but it makes a difference in her mental state consuming fun foods. After all, I view this stage of life as a team effort and the more that I help her the better she can do.
Encouraging Words
You are going to do great things. Relax, do your best, and conquer this exam. You have spent weeks preparing for this exam, so trust and be confident in yourself that you know what you are doing. This test was made to challenge you and you have trained to succeed. The greatest things in life challenge us to rise to the occasion, and you will be triumphant. You will pass this exam. You will become a doctor.
To All Medical Students
I applaud all medical students that make the venture to become doctors. It is a hard road, and there are major milestones that are a great challenge. If you are taking your Step 1 exam October 8, 2020 (or another date) good luck to you. This is a hard time in your academic career, but will be rewarding soon.
Previously I wrote about my wife preparing for the Step 1 exam at an earlier stage of COVID-19. Her test date had been cancelled and was rescheduled for October 8th, 2020. The date is coming up quickly, and my wife has been doing amazing studying. She has really been sticking to her goals and trying to meet them.
Once in a Lifetime
I’m not sure that it has ever happened, or will again, that a student will be given this kind of arrangement for taking the Step 1 exam. My wife previously studied for her exam, and the date was pushed back. She continued to study as the date was pushed back again until it got to the point that it was cancelled and rescheduled. Typically the students study for about 6 weeks leading up to their Step 1 exam. My wife had studied for 12+ weeks in the previous go round, and has now studied for about 3 weeks leading up to her October 8th testing date. So in all, my wife will have been allotted 12+ weeks of dedicated study time for this exam.
Combatting Negative Ideas
Studying for an exam for this long takes a toll on a persons mind. Most of their time studying is spent alone. It can be hard to stay positive when you are left to your own ideas, while practicing for an exam getting feedback on your knowledge. The practice exams and study material that my wife uses gives feedback on correct and missed questions. It can be a downer to get on a streak of incorrect answers, but it is crucial to stay positive.
We have talked quite a bit about how she can stay positive. I figured it would be worth listed some of the ideas, in case you are in the same situation. Not only does this apply to medical school, but I think it applies to college and life in general.
Take breaks to relieve stress.
You have gotten this far, and it wasn’t on accident.
Find joys in life. Whether it be a favorite food, or a hobby you can look forward to after you complete your exam.
Set a goal for studying, and use any additional time for yourself.
Stick to what you know. You have studied for hundreds of exams, do what works for you.
Push back against the pressure. This is a big test, rise to the occasion and don’t fear it.
Get a good nights sleep. It’s ok if you sleep in, as a well rested mind will treat you better.
As you may be able to tell from my list of advise, I played sports. Most of my words of encouragement seem to stem from football and track. This isn’t a bad thing, a lot of what is pronounced to us in sports can apply to other aspects of life. Other things that we have done to help combat stress and worry is taking a little bit of time off for a couple hours each weekend. We have spent this time playing disc golf, taking walks, or going on a date.
The Home Stretch
As we near the October 8th date I can tell that she is a little nervous. She definitely has the right to be nervous about something this large. This one test depicts what type of doctor she can be for her career. This is real life. They aim to put a lot of pressure on each person with this one exam, and they have to succeed. It is by far a harder exam than anything I have seen elsewhere. There is no second chance, and if you fail you are placed below your classmates that passed. That being said, we are trying not to dwell on that information because she is going to do awesome. She has a brilliant mind, and a heart that drives for what she loves.
Final Thoughts
When things have gotten hard, we have taken the time to step back and look at the bigger picture. The other day we were talking about some changes to her study habits to keep her mind off of a score. You will perform better if you do your best, and don’t focus on a score. You can’t control the outcome, but you can be triumphant with your input. This test is hard, and the studying may be even harder, she will get to see after her test date. She has been really working to stick to a schedule and keep motivated. There has not been a lot of time for self-care lately, but the time will come soon.
She is the one taking this exam, but I feel like I am working on it with her. Making meals, trying to clean the house, and helping her to relax makes me feel as if I am contributing to her success. We are a team, not opponents. We should be working together to lift each other up and should not ever looked to tear each other down. Help your spouse when they are working in hard times, and you both will be rewarded.
