Tag: Break (Page 1 of 2)

The Lows are Low

November 18, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. All of us have felt this at some point. Whether we get sick or have a family member pass, there will be a time when we are not happy. And that’s ok. When life is going well and we are on the ups, the downs can hit us hard.

My wife has had hard experiences during her life that have crippled her mentally, and made it hard for her to complete daily tasks. She is tough, but not invincible. Recently she made a post on social media that I think is worth sharing. The female perspective is different on these topics than mine, and that’s good. My wife feels and notices a lot more in some aspects than I do.

My wife is amazing and wrote this really well. She has been having a lower time in her life, though things are going well. Some of the frustration for her seems to come from where we are in life. There are a lot of decisions to be made and she feels like we are kind of stuck. Read the following message from her and see if you can relate.

“This is important. Pay attention.

What does depression look like to you?

I want to be honest. Like really honest. My timeline is full of happy pictures. Smiles and love. Family and friends. Next steps in my medical school journey. Memories of good times. That’s all great and life is full of wonderful moments…

But.

Life also has valleys. Times of sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and fear.
And when I find myself in those valleys, they just seem a little deeper and a little darker than others.

“Aleena, why are you sad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, why are you mad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, let’s go out” … maybe another time.
“Why aren’t you reading?” … I don’t want to.
“Why don’t you take pictures?” … I don’t have the energy.
“Let’s take a walk.” … I don’t know if I can move.

“Well if you don’t know, then why stay sad? Why stay angry? Why worry?”
…
I don’t know.

And I’m being honest. I don’t have an answer for these questions.

Please know I know that God has a plan for me. Please know that I know that there is good all around me. Please know I know it doesn’t help to focus on the negative. Please know I know it’s not productive to worry. Please know I know my God is in control. Because I know all this. It doesn’t change the fact that the valley is still deep and dark and it will take me time to climb out of it.

I’m so excited for each new rotation. I’m so excited to pick my specialty. I’m so excited to be an aunt. I’m so excited for the holidays. I’m so excited for Jacob and I’s next steps. I’m so excited for our future, my future.

I know things will get better, but right now, it’s about surviving. And surviving is enough. Surviving is good. Surviving is the first part of climbing out.

Please don’t worry or freak out. I’m ok. I am loved and taken care of. As my husband told me today, I have an army behind me ready to help and I am thankful for every single one of them.

So. If you happen to find yourself in the deep, dark valleys… I see you. I understand.

And I’m here. For the car rides. For the coffees. For the smoothies. For the silence. I’m here. And we survive together. We climb out together.

This year has been tough on all of us. Check in on each other. Realize that sometimes words can’t describe how someone is feeling. Just be there. That’s enough. And remember, valleys can’t be valleys without the mountain tops. You just have to keep moving forward ❤️

With love, Aleena”

My Learnings

I hear from my wife when she has had a bad day, week, or month that she doesn’t want to do much. It’s not easy for me to communicate with her because I tend not to get a response. I choose to make the decisions for her and nudge her to come with me to get out and avoid just sitting on the couch. I find it beneficial for her and it helps me to better understand her.

I’m still learning how to help her and handle these low points. My goal isn’t to make her happy instantly, but to make sure she knows that I am here. I try to make sure that she knows she is safe, loved, and things will get better. I have found some success in taking her out on a drive or to a park. Getting her mind off whatever she is thinking about and more into explaining and talking to me seems to help. It can be hard for her to talk, and hard for me to understand but it is beneficial for both of us.

Take time to listen. Take some mental notes and find some strategies to keep your spouse happy. Find what they need, which may not be what they want. Be patient, kind, and cautious. Use this time to learn about your spouse and do your best to be there to help them.

Step 1: Test Day

October 5, 2020 / Jacob Brown

The road to taking the Step 1 exam has been long. The Step 1 exam is the test that pushes students into different specialties for residency. Depending on the score that the student achieves, they can only go into certain specialties. Based on this information, it’s pretty easy to see why a medical student could get stressed out. It may also be my wife’s biggest challenge to this point in medical school. She takes the Step 1 exam tomorrow, October 8. She has worked so hard for this and I believe will do an amazing job.

She has been studying (this time) for a little over 3 weeks. The last time she attempted to take the exam before it was cancelled due to COVID-19, she studied for 12 weeks. That was a long duration of studying and being alone. This time, she is doing much better. It is a shorter study period but she has a lot of the knowledge from studying previously.

I don’t have a circumstance from my education that I can compare to the situation my wife is in with Step 1. I never had an exam where I needed to study for a month+ at 8-10 hours per day. It is a hard test, and the amount of time given to students shows the vast size and importance of this exam. It looks like it will be 280 questions, which seems pretty huge to me! Not only are there a lot of questions, it is a grueling exam that lasts 8 hours.

The studying that the students experience has to be challenging enough to prepare themselves for this exam. There are online study aids, books, and practice tests that help them prep. My wife has had access to all of these, and has had her nose in them now for 3 weeks. Personally, I don’t know if I could stay focused that long, which is why I think my wife is pretty amazing. She has been able to stick to studying and stay focused as she prepares for this exam.

When someone studies this much for an exam, it can be hard for them to do things like cook meals or clean the house. There just isn’t enough time in the day. So, I try to make meals and ensure she has drinks and snacks while I’m gone. I try to get fun things for her like juice, pudding, jello, and applesauce. It is kind of childish, but it makes a difference in her mental state consuming fun foods. After all, I view this stage of life as a team effort and the more that I help her the better she can do.

Encouraging Words

You are going to do great things. Relax, do your best, and conquer this exam. You have spent weeks preparing for this exam, so trust and be confident in yourself that you know what you are doing. This test was made to challenge you and you have trained to succeed. The greatest things in life challenge us to rise to the occasion, and you will be triumphant. You will pass this exam. You will become a doctor.

To All Medical Students

I applaud all medical students that make the venture to become doctors. It is a hard road, and there are major milestones that are a great challenge. If you are taking your Step 1 exam October 8, 2020 (or another date) good luck to you. This is a hard time in your academic career, but will be rewarding soon.

Compounding Fatigue

August 26, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Being the spouse of a medical student, I have been able to be an onlooker behind the scenes of becoming a doctor. I try to pay attention and listen to my wife to gain knowledge in what she is doing, and how she is doing. It is not always easy to tell if she is doing well or not, but there are days it is obvious. Do you feel exhausted? Are you struggling to focus because you are tired? You are not alone. Lots of medical students feel this way.

She is currently in her rotation with Family Medicine, her first rotation was General Surgery and second being Orthopedic Surgery. So far, she has not been stressed as much in this specialty as she was during surgery. She has been at the hospital for a week to experience family medicine, so it may be too early to make any real conclusions. It appears to me that most of the stress she was experiencing during surgery was not so much the work, but the time. Surgery took up a lot of time in her day, and she still had to study for other work at the same time.

Her hardest days do not seem to revolve around a specific event, but is caused by a series of difficult days. Most of the hardships seem to stem from lack of sleep and rest, which has other repercussions. To further explain, it is like filling a 5 gallon bucket with 1 gallon of water each day. On a day where she gets a perfect nights sleep, 1 gallon of water would be drained from the bucket. On a bad nights sleep, there might only be 0.5 gallons of water will drain, leaving 0.5 gallons in the bucket. If this cycle continues for multiple days in a row, the bucket can fill completely and overflow. This is what I would say is a “breakdown day”, where the stress reaches a maximum and she has a hard time getting stuff done. If at this point if the cycle isn’t broken, the days of being overly stressed will continue. On the other hand, if she can get better rest, the days of overly stress can reduce and she functions better.

We have been trying to find ways to reduce her stress and help her keep going in school. Weekends need to be more oriented around things she enjoys, and time away from chaos. I’m not sure we will ever find a perfect solution, but we will keep trying to find new ways to help. Some activities that seem to help right now are taking walks (and talking), riding bikes, watching tv, and playing video games. Some other things that she enjoys doing are reading and completing coloring books.

What we have learned.

Something that we learned and I continue to remind my wife is how these hardships may feel like they will destroy her, and in the end will build her up. Though it is hard now, she will one day benefit from the hard work she is putting into this time in life. As she continues to persevere through the pain, fatigue, and emotional stress, she will become stronger. At the completion of this goal, she will become a doctor and will have many opportunities to help people. This will also fulfill one of her dreams.

It is key to have rest, as it is just as important as work time. Making sure that she rests will help her run and prevent burnout. Medical School is only 4 years, but these are hard years. There are more challenges now, than previously in the students academic career. Get a good nights sleep, eat well, and find a hobby you can do in your spare time. It will make a big difference in your productivity, and happiness.

Med School Pros #1

August 5, 2020 / Jacob Brown

There are a lot of things going on in medical school that stresses the students and their families. I don’t want to paint a picture for current and upcoming students that medical school is just a terrible time where you are stressed and have a hard time living your life. It’s not that way. Yes it is hard, from my wife’s experiences and what I observe, but there are pros for being in this stage of life. This will be a continuous thread that I want to keep adding to as they come up, but here are a few of them right now.

Make new friends. Just like every school experience we have had so far, there are other people attending that share our interests. We are not the kind of people that need a lot of friends to feel content, but a few good friends to fill that void in our lives. It can be hard to manage having a lot of friends anyway, but some people can do it. Making new friends has allowed us to find people that share our interests. This is important for us because by finding people we can hang out with, we are able to discuss deeper topics or just have fun with other couples. I know that my wife has enjoyed making new friends because it allows her to get to relate to someone. I know that I am her husband, but there are things that I can’t and won’t ever totally understand. She has made some female friends that she can relate to and have good conversations.

If you haven’t ever tried, join a group of people with similar interests. School sanctioned groups exist in the graduate school level just as they do in undergrad. We have had the opportunity to make friends and have some good times with the people as well.

Experience a work environment. If you are a medical student, more than likely you have not had a true experience in the workforce. I know some of the medical students have had a job before going back to school to become an MD or DO, but it is not very common. Summer jobs allow a person to gain some experience of what it is like to be in the hierarchy of a business, but it can also be misleading. A lot of time the “summer help” roles are not very serious, and have little responsibility. Most of the work is little things that businesses need done on the side, but have not had a lot of time to complete. This is not true for every summer job, but I have found it relevant. It is impossible for medical students to have summer jobs while in school, which is all year. Without being able to have a summer job, they can not procure money to live during the school year either.

During school this summer my wife has been able to work in hospitals with doctors to get experience of what it is like to be on the job. She is now working with an Orthopedic Surgeon, which has also been a great experience. This cycle of her school year is in a rural location, which has been a change from being in a larger more urban hospital.

Create lifelong experiences. This is probably a little cliche, but it is true. The time that the medical students spend in school will impact them for the rest of their lives. The relationships that are made, the experiences, and the time to grow in this environment are all important. This time is hard, and will shape the student into a doctor.

Start to find your stride in life. For some students this is the first time that they are truly away from their parents and family. It can be hard for them to cope with the change. This might be the first time that they are “adulting” and being self-sufficient. During this time they really get to find how they want to live life, and what path they will go down for their career. There are a lot of choices they have to make during this time as well. They have to choose how much to take on loans, where to live, who to hang out with and much more. All of these decisions make them who they are, and allow them to make their life their own.

Try new things. Medical School in general is a big change for the student. They have never taken classes in medical school before, and don’t really have an idea of what is ahead when they first start school. I remember my wife’s first week of school. She had just spent the entire summer, the last real summer vacation, relaxing and getting settled into the area. When classes started she realized they were much different than the classes in undergrad. This isn’t a bad thing, but it is a change and is something to learn. She told me quite often how much more independent the student has to be in medical school compared to undergrad. There is very little assistance from the professors, or doctors, and a lot of the work is just left up to the student to accomplish.

Take the time during medical school to try new things. Whether it be food, trips, hobbies, or making friends, it is a good time to take on new challenges.

Drop Her Off

July 29, 2020 / Jacob Brown

I remember all the times that my now wife and I would go down to the lake or out to eat during college. We tried to spend time together at least 3 days per week, most of which involves having dinner at her parent’s house. Spending time together is fun, but it comes to an end as the sun goes down. The worst part for me during this dating phase in our relationship was taking her home afterward, just so that I could pick her up sometime the next day to spend time together again. This was our life during college before we got married. Separating yourself from your significant other for the night is not the easiest thing to do, or the most desirable, but plays a large role in the health of the relationship.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder” is a common phrase that pertains to this subject. When we are seeking someone to date or marry in our lives, it can be difficult to be apart. After all, we enjoy the company of the other person and creating memories with them. Most of the time we have similar interests as our significant other and like to do the same things. I have found myself doing activities alone that I feel I should be doing with my wife because she enjoys them as well. I don’t really like leaving her out of activities that I think are fun for both of us. As an example, I don’t usually ride my bike or use my kayak without her (unless she can’t go due to her busy schedule) because I know she enjoys the activities.

If we are always reliant on someone or something, it can be hard to tell exactly how much we like or depend on it. As an example, imagine a person has a cellphone with them for calls, messages, and maps. They always have their phone with them. Now, what if this person was in a town they don’t recognize and their phone battery dies. Now what? They are left with figuring out how to get home by themselves without the help of other people. They have no way to call and ask for help or use map programs. What will they do?

In reality they would probably just find someone and ask them to use their phone or ask directions. But what if the phone is someone we are dating and they leave the relationship? What if they are gone for a week without seeing you? It can be hard to tell how much we rely on a significant other without having space apart from them, whatever the length of time. If the relationship were to end, can we still make our way through life effectively? In the example with a person and their phone, if they have never learned to make it in life without it (or lost touch with being single), they could be lost for a long time.

Dating can be a difficult time. For some there is a lot of heartbreak and turmoil. Others, like myself, were fortunate enough to date younger and stick with the same lady until marriage.

Learn the “paper maps” of your relationship. It is good to help each other in relationships. Not all of us have strengths in every aspect, and your significant other should complement those weaknesses. That being said, we should be able to navigate all aspects of our lives without our significant other while dating. If your partner is gone on a trip or is going to relax with their friends, don’t set yourself up for failure by being overly dependent. It is good to rely on them for some things, but not everything. I like to think of my weaknesses as being the “paper map.” It still works, but it is harder for me to navigate. Her strengths that compliment my weaknesses could be referred to as the “GPS” maps. I can still operate and navigate life without a GPS, but the GPS improves the situation.

Continue your life, and add them to it. Not all aspects of our lives can be continued when we start dating. For example, if a person was going on dates with different people and finds one they have decided to date, it’s probably not in their best interest to keep dating other people. This is just one activity, but there are others. It would be awkward if the person decided that they still wanted to drive around in the car how they used to when they were single. Maybe in order to do this they told their significant other that they would need to drive themselves because they want to drive alone all the time. Probably not super productive for relational growth.

Another change would be going from spending all of our time with our friends, then spending no time with them because we are dating someone. This change would involve spending all of our free time with our significant other. If we spend 100% of our time with someone, it can get quite annoying. I am just going to say it. We don’t need to spend all of our time with someone in order to show them we care about them. It is good to spend a healthy amount of time with your significant other, and a healthy amount of time with your friends or alone. If you are prospecting marriage with your significant other, it would be good to figure out how much time to spend with them. Should I spend more time with them than my friends? From my perspective, we should make a significant other an addition to our lives to improve. These relationships should not hinder us.

Drop her off at the end of the day. I am a big advocate for waiting until marriage to move in together and become physically active. Is it easy? NO. It might be one of the hardest things to do in a relationship in today’s society. We have a lot of cultural and societal influences that try to persuade us away from this idea. Everything from TV shows, to books, to music tries to influence us against the idea of waiting until marriage. The rate of divorce is higher among people who cohabitate before marriage. What are some influences in living together that could result in a high divorce rate? I’m not really sure if there is a definitive answer. It seems to me that it could be the result of too much dependency and too much time together for their people to know whether they should get married or not. They could be stuck in an “infatuation” phase and are not able to move out of it due to decreased separation from each other. Spending all of this time together does not allow them to find what they need in life, and what their partner will do when they are apart. When the day together is over, it’s beneficial to be separated. It’s good to live apart and really find what it is you enjoy or are looking for in a person.

Mental Well-being

July 22, 2020 / Jacob Brown

What level do you feel you are at in regards to mental health? Are you usually happy? Tired? What is the cause? It can be hard to pinpoint the level of our mental health at any given time. Life takes a toll on people, and doctors are not immune. If you feel this way, you are not alone.

Medical students and doctors have to deal with situations regularly that I have never experienced. There are odd hours, long days, and probably the biggest, loss of life. Difficult times mold people for better, or for worse. From my perspective, the way that these situations mold us is in how we choose to interpret them, and deal with them. The glass is half full or half empty cliche comes to mind. Times get hard, but are they challenging us to grow? Do we see it as a time when the world is trying to tear us down? It might be a little bit of both. Our response to hard times needs to be beneficial to ourselves and those around us.

Something that you may know is that Medical School builds a mountain of stress for students. A common phrase that I have heard is “medical school breeds alcoholism,” Students are under tremendous stress, and a lot of them confide in a drink. It is unfortunate that this is the case, but it happens. The students may feel alone or there is not another outlet for their stress. Alcohol may make them feel more relaxed and give them peace of mind while they are working or relaxing at home. The continuous stress pushes them deeper toward alcohol and may develop further into a crutch for them. This is something that I have noticed among the medical students. I am unsure of an exact quantity, but it seems most students will have at least 1 drink per day. Having 1 drink per day doesn’t make someone as alcoholic, but they need to keep it under control and use it properly. It could be beneficial to someone worrying about relieving stress in this manner to find another activity to relieve their stress.

My wife and I have been talking lately about some items going on with her and her rotations. Most of the toll on her seems to be emotional strain. There is joy within the hospital, but there is also sadness. It can be hard to recover from sad or unpleasant times when they occur, depending on what they are. I have been trying to be a better listener for her, but there are things that I will not understand completely unless I were in her shoes. That being said, listening to her talk to me has been beneficial for her. Though I am not experiencing what she is, it helps her to talk through it.

Medical Students don’t talk about their problems and issues enough in my opinion. I was part of a group a couple years ago of medical students and their spouses (if they had one). We had a day where we split gentlemen and ladies to have some discussions amongst each group. Something interesting for the women is they discovered that almost all of them were struggling with the same emotional strain. All of them going into the discussion seemed to feel alone and that there problems were unique. They had the mindset that they did not want to bother others, or others would not understand the situation that they were experiencing. After they began to talk they realized that they were all in the same situation, and if they would have confided in each other and talked about it a long time ago, they could be in a better place. School is hard, life is hard, and when we are surrounded by people that are experiencing the same hardships, we should talk about it. There is not enough discussion on hardships and how we handle them in the med student community. I wholeheartedly believe that med school is a team effort. Spouses, significant others, and friends work together to succeed. Something may be learned if “enemies” worked together once in a while. Yes each student is competing with the each for spots after graduation, but that doesn’t mean they can’t help each other now.

Tips for the reader.

Find an outlet for your thoughts. There doesn’t have to be a problem to talk to someone about your day. There may be a problem or may feel strained, but that doesn’t have to be true. It can be helpful for getting more perspective or better understanding your situation as well.

Talk to someone going through the same situation. This is an awesome opportunity to share amongst colleagues information they have gathered. People may feel alone on an island with whatever hardship they are going through. I am 100% sure that if you talk to your fellow colleagues, as long as they are being open with you, you will find that they are going through a similar situation. They can relate better to you than someone on the outside, and might be able to provide information on how they handle situations.

Find healthy activities that make you happy. As you may know, I am a big advocate for hobbies and fun activities outside work. Taking time to rest is equally if not more important than work. Keeping your mind and body healthy will allow you to work, so take the time to rehab them and rest.

Early Mornings

July 8, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife just started her third year of medical school. For those that don’t know, third year requires students to partake in activities alongside interns and attendings. The learning takes place in their (the doctors’) work environment on their schedule. This period of the students’ learning allows them to see how hospitals and clinics operate. They get to learn different procedures and techniques related to the many sectors of the medical field. It is the time when the traditional classroom learning environment diminishes and they begin transitioning into “hands on” training.

Our basic schedule is outlined below. It’s nothing exciting, but it is good insight in what is to come for those going into third year. My wife does a lot of different things at the hospital. Some of the things she does include rounding, scrubbing in on surgery, performing procedures, and others. I will definitely be writing another post that goes more depth on what she is doing, and how to best be prepared.

Starting the day.

My wife is currently working in surgery. Due to surgeries being scheduled nearly all day in hospitals, she is working longer hours than I am. My day typically involves me getting up at 5:15 am, but her day requires 4:30 am. Due to the fact that she begins earlier than I do, I get up with her to keep her company and help her get ready. She has to leave by 5:10 am to head to the hospital to avoid being late. She doesn’t have to be ready until about 6:00 am, but it takes a while to get ready with all of the time spent parking and prepping for the day. While she gets ready in the morning I take the initiative to make her lunch. I usually pack some items for making sandwiches, salads, or other items that we have made recently.

Lately I’ve been including salad with mozzarella, tomato, dressing, and chicken breast. Other items included are croutons, apple slices, and a bottle of water.

Lunch time.

My wife does not have a regular lunch schedule. Most of the time she has lunch randomly or not at all. The time allotted is typically when it is convenient in her schedule. I pack snacks bars for her for in case she has time to eat them. It is a lot easier to grab a snack bar in a quick break than to sit down and eat a full meal.

With the amount of unknowns such as lunch, she has experienced some new stresses. She has to go long periods of time on occasion without getting to eat. This could be one of the main contributors to her feeling more tired in the afternoon, but it could also be that by noon she has been up for over 7 hours by noon.

Departure from work.

My wife tends to leave around 6 pm, but there have been a few times where she has left between 12-2 pm. The scheduling right now is sporadic with COVID-19, and incoming patients. I leave work in time to get home and start dinner before she arrives. She is always very tired when she gets home, and I find having dinner ready helps when she needs to study before heading to bed.

I use the time when I am home and she is gone to exercise, work on projects, or make dinner. This is the time where I can catch up on things that I am behind on before she gets home. Usually I am behind on dishes and keeping our kitchen clean. I like to cook and am terrible at keeping everything tidy.

Tips for the reader.

Make it a team effort. Medical school is already hard enough. I find that taking the time to help with the little things make a big difference. Making lunch, dinner, or cleaning up the house goes a long way in reducing stress.

Follow their schedule if possible. I wouldn’t be able to follow my wife’s schedule if she were on third shift, or me, but I can right now. I think that it works well having us get up together and go to bed together. We have opportunities to create more unity and help each other.

Public Parks

July 1, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Public parks are spread around the Toledo, Ohio area and provide small oases away from bustling city life. They are like pockets of space that we have allowed to grow into a more natural form, and allow us to gather the same feeling that we would get from venturing out of town. Most of the Metro Parks are wooded and have paths for walking, running, and biking. Benches are placed along the trails for people wanting a good vantage point to spot wildlife and relax outdoors. Occasionally we see wildlife in the areas. Deer, rabbits, and various birds are pretty common to see while moving through these peaceful parks.

A doe and her two fawns walking down a path.

My wife and I enjoy going to public parks to relax together. Walking on trails or riding bikes allows us to spend time together, and we usually have time to talk while doing so. Occasionally we take the time to sit on a bench and have a conversation, depending on how many bugs are swarming us. We also will go out together for dessert and stop at one of the local parks to sit and eat together. There are plenty of ice cream shops in the area offering a treat during hot weather.

Spending time walking in our public parks allows us to get to know each other more. We spend time chatting about current problems we are experiencing and whatever else is going on in our lives. I truly think that it offers us more good talks together than just sitting at home. Going out offers a change in scenery that makes us feel more free to discuss different topics.

A young deer feeding as we pass on a trail.

From what I have seen, it appears that when people get married they tend to slide into a lifestyle that does not include as much activity. That doesn’t mean that everyone does, but when people (like us) have the option we tend to be physically lazy. I know of a few couples around our age that are dating or have gotten married that have become more active, but I think that is more rare. My wife and I have been trying to be more active lately and walking/biking in public parks has been our main choice of exercise.

Tips for the reader.

Find an activity that allows you to learn about your significant other. We choose to go out and hike or walk in park because we have the opportunity to get to know each other more. The scenery is a nice addition, but the main point of the activity is to keep investing in each other.

Find your happy place. It’s beneficial for many reasons to find a spot that takes some stress out of your life. Medical school causes stress for spouses and students, and it’s good to keep it from spilling into other parts of your life.

Make the trip often. If you have time to get to a park or other location 3 times a week, do it. Get out and keep working on your relationship as much as you can. There won’t always be time for activities like this, so make the most of it.

Make Time Together

June 24, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Now that my wife is in medical school we have really grown to appreciate the time that we have together. With free time being limited, we have to make choices on what we want to do together in advance. Now, not everything that we decide to do together is super extravagant, or extremely time consuming, but it doesn’t need to be. We have found that it is fun to do bigger things together, but we get more quality time together when we are laid back.

There are a lot of reasons that we don’t get to spend as much time with each other as we would like. We have found that most of the reasons we do not get to spend time together are good reasons. We have things going on in our lives and can’t always put them on hold. I have put together a list of some reasons, and whether or not I think they are legitimate reasons for not making time together. Some of them are more serious than others, but all of them eat up time.

We don’t get to spend as much time together because I have to:

Work at my job. This is a good thing. It is good to have time away from each other because it helps us find ourselves. I work from 6:30-5pm on weekdays so that we have income, which is kind of important.

Mow the lawn. When living in a house with a yard this is inevitable. At some point the grass will have to be cut, the question is by who. I could pay someone to come to my house and mow my yard (which takes about 15-20 minutes) or I can just do it myself.

Work on house projects. I do a fairly significant amount of work on our house to maintain it and increase the functionality and appearance. Some of the work is a requirement, but some of it is additional tasks that I have chosen to do. Lately, I have been remodeling our basement to bring it a little bit more up to date. This is not a requirement. There was nothing in the basement of our house that was damaging or going to cause major problems.

Watch tv and play on my phone. This is something that I think is the least beneficial to our relationship. That being said, watching tv and playing on my phone has a time and place. There are times where my wife is busy with school, and I have completed everything else on my to-do list.

We don’t get to spend as much time together because my wife has to:

Study for class. This is a legitimate reason not to spend time together. This is the reason we moved and are doing what we do. She needs time to study without me needing to bother her.

Attending class or other learning centers. This is another big reason we don’t get to spend time together. I am not upset about either of these reasons because this is why we are here. I want her to excel as much as she can, and that can only be done by attending school and doing her best.

There are some different chores or tasks that we try to work on together that gives us more time. Some of them are washing dishes, doing laundry, or cleaning the house. Not only do we get to spend time doing these, they go faster. When we help each other it opens up both of ours time so that we can do more together.

Biggest tip for the reader.

If your spouse is busy, be busy too. If your spouse is working and has a time that they will be done. Try to get your work done at the same time. Don’t push off working on projects, chores, or work. If you can get everything done while they are working, you will have a nice window to spend time together. It’s not super fun to have one person done with what they are working on while the other person still have an hour of work to complete because they were watching tv. I have experienced this (and still do).

4th Wedding Anniversary

June 17, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. We got married between our sophomore and junior year of undergrad, in 2016. It has been an awesome experience being married while in college, and I think we have been able to answer quite a few questions for other couples. We enjoy talking with couples that are looking at getting married or are dating while in college.

When your spouse is in medical school there are times that you have to squeeze fun activities into small windows. As an example, we chose to celebrate our anniversary together by going on a day trip. We also looked at the cost to stay somewhere, and decided that we could do a day trip and be satisfied with our time together.

We left our house and headed toward Cleveland, OH to visit Cuyahoga National Park. Neither of us had been there, and it seemed like it would be a nice place to visit together. The weather forecast was good, and walking on the trails and riding in the car together would give us a lot of time to talk to each other. We are both fairly busy, and getting busier, so we decided this would be a nice trip. Our goal for the trip was to get out in nature and spend time together. We don’t get to talk to each other enough, and this was a great opportunity to do so.

We were also able to drive around the Cleveland area to see what it has to offer. Cleveland is a potential residency location, so we decided to drive around the neighborhoods just to see what they looked like. We visited the West Side Market as well. It was a cool experience having vendors selling goods in a bustling building. I can see how it would be filled with people buying meats, vegetables, breads, and confections later in the summer. Due to COVID-19 limiting people in buildings, it was not too busy.

We ended up eating at a nearby restaurant for lunch, then headed to Brandywine Falls, our first stop on the trip. For me, this was the most memorable location. The view of the falls is calming, and I’m pretty sure it was my wife’s favorite.

We ended up not staying in the Cleveland area for dinner and headed home. This worked out well. We went to the store and bought crab legs and some bread and planned to have our Anniversary Feast at our house the next day. This also allowed us to save some money, and get to spend more time together.

Tips for the reader.

Value the little things. Every trip or vacation you take with your spouse doesn’t need to be extravagant. Making a day trip to a scenic location is simple and cheap. Spending time together getting to talk can help you deepen your relationship, and get to know each other more.

Support your spouse. Your relationship will be way better if you can support your spouse in their life goals. I am finding new ways all the time to support my wife. A recent one is finding ways to take day trips or go to parks. It really helps her keep her stress levels down.

Take a cheap trip. Trips don’t have to be expensive in order to be entertaining or fun. As an example, the parks we went to were free, our lunch was $15, and we spent about $20 on gas for the entire trip. Not too bad for visiting a new city and going on a new adventure together.