Tag: Anxiety (Page 1 of 3)

Failure – Let’s Talk About It.

January 20, 2021 / Aleena Brown

What if we talked about our failures.

What if we posted about them as much as our successes. What if you posted that picture where your makeup isn’t done… your hair isn’t styled. What if we could be a little more real with each other.

I had a conversation with a friend recently. We aren’t super close, but I try to be a person who will listen to anyone who needs a safe place.

I had chosen to sit by the windows for lunch. Seeing the trees outside keeps me calm in the craziness of the hospital. I could tell this student was a little flustered. I offered them a seat and to eat with me. They sat down and started talking. We talked about all sorts of stuff. The rotation we were on, what we were doing next. We talked about hobbies, specifically photography, and what we did in our little free time. We talked about the future. I talked about staying in the area. They talked about the uncertainty and deciding where to go next.

And then we talked about our worries. It doesn’t take long for medical students to talk about anxieties, stress, and worries. Between tests, assignments, evaluations, and applying for residency in the fall, there is a lot going on.

And then we talked about Step 1. I know I’ve talked about it before, but please hear me when I say that every single medical student deals with anxiety, stress, uncertainty, fear, and worry when it comes to this exam.

In the moment, I decided to be honest. Be real.

I told my colleague about my struggles with the exam. I told them about my burn out. I told them about being sick. I told them about the failed practice exams. I told them about the stress. And worry. And fear. And feeling inadequate. Feeling like a complete imposter. I told them that I went into that test ready to conquer it, but wondering if I could do it. If I would actually pass and get a score that would be enough to move forward. I used every last bit of fire left in me to pass that exam. But found myself coming up with plans B, C, D, E, and F if things turned out to be on the wrong side of the passing line (and my own line of what was acceptable).

And I passed. It worked out. Was it a happy ending? I guess it depends on your definition.

In the moment, I saw their shoulders drop just a little from their ears. I saw them relax just a little bit. A little bit of relief to hear that someone else had struggles. Someone else had worried and feared for the result and it turned out okay. And they mentioned it was good to hear about a journey that wasn’t all rainbows and perfect scores. I just kinda chuckled and realized most of us don’t have that journey. Let’s be honest, life isn’t all rainbows, pots of gold, or mountain tops. Life isn’t 100%s and 280 step scores. I’m so proud of my classmates who reached those high scores, but I’m also so so proud of my classmates who passed that exam! Who came out of there a little nervous and passed! Maybe just on the other side of that line. That is something to celebrate.

Why are we so hesitant to be real? To be honest? Why does it take so much effort and courage to talk about our actual life?

I realized a few years back that it was important for me to be open and honest with others. Our experiences can be helpful to those we cross paths with. We might not be walking on the exact same path, but we can still encounter the same obstacles. Your story could be the very thing your friends need to hear to know that they are not alone and they will make it. A simple conversation about the obstacles we face could be a turning point for those having lunch with us. It can bring hope and ease fears. Your story reminds others that they are not alone and someone else has been through this and survived.

What if we were more bold? More courageous? What if we took a leap of faith and were vulnerable? What if we could make an impact in only 20 minutes during lunch? What if we could bring some hope and light by saying “I’ve been there.”

And those conversations are amazing! To watch this person across from you realize that someone else understands. There’s a joy that comes with these conversations.

Life isn’t going to be all rainbows, pots of gold, and mountain tops. Let’s be real. Let’s meet others in the rain and in the valley. I see you. I’ve been there. Want a hand? It works out.

How do I progress with a failed plan in life?

December 2, 2020 / Jacob Brown

My wife is a planner which is useful in so many ways. We have a lot of commitments and it helps to have a plan set forward before embarking on new adventures. Planning for different life events has helped us avoid being unprepared and see potential failures. I enjoy planning some things in life but prefer to go with the flow in most circumstances. Many people prefer to make plans, which are often shifted, and I thought it would be worth discussing how I practice staying relaxed, accepting outcomes, and rolling with the punches. So, when life doesn’t follow my plan how do I deal with the changes?

My Plan of Attack

I tend to follow a process to handle situations where changes occur. My way of handling these changes isn’t perfect, but it works well for most situations. I have broken it out into the following 5 steps.

Look at the situation as a whole picture.
Determine the severity of the situation.
Find the problem.
Plan steps to solve the problem.
Execute the original or new goal.

A Scenario

Let’s say I am planning to purchase a used car from a local dealership. I own a good driving vehicle but am looking for an upgrade. I search online and find a model of vehicle that I like and spend an extensive amount of time studying. I have looked at lots of reviews and find that this vehicle fits my needs and would make a great long term buy. I look at some local dealerships for a few weeks and notice that a new listing has been posted for the vehicle of my interest. I also notice that there are a few listing further away in some nearby towns.

On a Saturday, the only day I am free, I go on a test drive in the vehicle and discover that it has some minor issues, but is still in excellent condition. All-in-all it seems like a great vehicle, listed at a perfect price point for my budget.

After my test drive I arrive back at the dealership to discuss purchasing with a salesperson. I inform them that I should be able to make a decision soon but would like to look around more at other options. They are left with my phone number, and I tell them I could be back in 1 week to make the purchase.

Before I have time to return, I receive a call from the dealership that the vehicle has sold.

A Distant Analysis

Looking at the situation from a distance I see the following facts.

There was a local vehicle for sale.
I know the model of vehicle I want.
I know the price I want to pay.
I liked how the vehicle drove.
I know what price people will pay.
It sold quickly.

A Calculated Severity

In this situation I would look at the repercussions from missing out on purchasing this vehicle.

I didn’t make the purchase and have to continue driving my current vehicle.
I may end up having to pay more and potentially less for a similar vehicle.
I get to keep my money a little longer.
I have more time to branch out my search.

Looking at the list above, missing out on purchasing this vehicle will not have harsh repercussions. I still have my good running car to fall back on and have learned more information on the process of purchasing a used car. I liked that vehicle, but there are others ones that are for sale. If I were to have made this purchase, which is the first that came available, I would not know what else is out there.

Snoop Around

I find it productive to look at why I was not able to purchase that vehicle.

I was not ready to make the purchase at the time of the test drive and decided to wait. I have given an opportunity for someone else to swoop in and make the purchase. I should consider being prepared to make the purchase upon visiting the dealership to lessen my chances of this happening again.

I’ve got (another) Plan!

In this scenario, I have no other choice but to create a new plan. The vehicle that I was interested in purchasing sold to someone else, so it is not available for me.

The new plan is to find another vehicle for sale and put in the work to make the purchase.

Pressing On

In this step I should be putting in the work to find another vehicle for sale. This requires me putting in the work to search dealerships, private sellers, and possibly a larger radius to find the vehicle for me. I can push forward using the previous experience to guide me on my future decisions.

Some new things that I have learned is that I should be ready to buy upon inspecting the vehicle. If I go in unprepared for purchase, there is a chance I can lose the opportunity again.

Understanding the Situation

It is said a lot, but try try again. Being optimistic and looking at the situation from a positive perspective makes a huge difference. When I fail, or feel as if I have failed, I prefer to look at the situation as maybe I avoided some sort of issue. Was I supposed to succeed? Was my blocked path actually protecting me?

Maybe the vehicle I was trying to purchase had a lot of issues. That vehicle may have had engine or transmission problems, which would have resulted in expensive repairs. Maybe the vehicle would only last me a year or two before breaking down. It’s hard to tell, but like I said, I prefer to think of blocked life paths in this way. Due to the fact that I didn’t make the purchase, I won’t know the end result for the vehicle. But I choose to think that maybe I wasn’t supposed to go down that path. Maybe the path that I missed out on wasn’t the path for me, and my next path could be better. Not every path with challenges is a path worth losing, but it is hard to tell when that is the case. There are times when putting in the work to go down the path becomes too much.

In my scenario, I could have tried to find out who bought the vehicle. I could have them tracked them down and made them an offer. Would this be wise? I’m probably going to end up spending a lot more money than if I went out and found a different vehicle. There are times in life where we may need to do this, but it is hard to tell when it is what we should do.

A Final Thought

When looking back at the scenario above, put something from your life as the vehicle that was sold before you could buy it. Maybe your road block is a job you wanted, a car, a relationship, or a life event. It’s hard to come back from some of our failures or losses, but we can learn from them. We may not get what we want, but I believe we are pushed down paths for what we need.

I believe that we are led paths for certain reasons in our lives. There is a path we are made to go on and it tends to be a path we don’t understand. It tends to be a path that if we knew before hand, we would be too scared to go down. We would more than likely feel like quitting or seeking a new path due to what we see ahead.

This is also why I tend not to worry about what’s ahead, and try to view new challenges as something that builds us up stronger than before. That doesn’t mean that I don’t worry or get nervous, because I do. We can learn from the blocked paths and lost ventures, using that information to progress on our next attempt a little further.

Habakkuk Chapter 1

I Will Rise

November 29, 2020 / Aleena Brown

My mom gave me a gift this weekend while I was with her for thanksgiving. I’m pretty sure it was meant as a Christmas gift, but she got it in the mail the day after thanksgiving while I was still visiting. She handed me this small brown box and said, “when I saw these I knew you needed to hear them”.

Inside the box, I found two necklaces. They were simple gold pendants with a card behind each of them. This is what the card said.

I WILL RISE

In this hard season, she will conquer the mountain. She is steadying herself and leaning into His grace. And with each step forward she will whisper to herself, “I will rise.”

I turned the card over and found a

Bible verse that was new to me.

Ezra 10:4

Rise up. This matter is in your hands. We will support you. So take courage and do it.

A few weeks ago I wrote about depression. About finding yourself in the “dark and twisty” place. Sitting in the valley. And I told myself, and wrote to you all, that you just have to keep moving forward. But.. I forgot a step. Sometimes in those times, we may no longer be standing. Maybe we are sitting in the valley. Maybe we are lying down in those low spots.

Before we move forward, we need to rise up. (Like it’s easy or something.) I’m sure many of you know how hard that first move is. To rise up. But listen here, it says “Rise up… we will support you.” Do you see that? These things may be in your hands but we WILL support you.

And that’s what my mom wanted me to see, wanted me to hear. Rise up! We will support you. Those times can feel so lonely, but look up and look around, reach out. We will support you. I will support you.

I know thanksgiving looked different for most of us this year. I know many traditions had to be put on pause. And as we look toward Christmas, I hope we can find joy, hope, and thankfulness for what we have and the wonderful things ahead of us.

The Lows are Low

November 18, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. All of us have felt this at some point. Whether we get sick or have a family member pass, there will be a time when we are not happy. And that’s ok. When life is going well and we are on the ups, the downs can hit us hard.

My wife has had hard experiences during her life that have crippled her mentally, and made it hard for her to complete daily tasks. She is tough, but not invincible. Recently she made a post on social media that I think is worth sharing. The female perspective is different on these topics than mine, and that’s good. My wife feels and notices a lot more in some aspects than I do.

My wife is amazing and wrote this really well. She has been having a lower time in her life, though things are going well. Some of the frustration for her seems to come from where we are in life. There are a lot of decisions to be made and she feels like we are kind of stuck. Read the following message from her and see if you can relate.

“This is important. Pay attention.

What does depression look like to you?

I want to be honest. Like really honest. My timeline is full of happy pictures. Smiles and love. Family and friends. Next steps in my medical school journey. Memories of good times. That’s all great and life is full of wonderful moments…

But.

Life also has valleys. Times of sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and fear.
And when I find myself in those valleys, they just seem a little deeper and a little darker than others.

“Aleena, why are you sad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, why are you mad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, let’s go out” … maybe another time.
“Why aren’t you reading?” … I don’t want to.
“Why don’t you take pictures?” … I don’t have the energy.
“Let’s take a walk.” … I don’t know if I can move.

“Well if you don’t know, then why stay sad? Why stay angry? Why worry?”
…
I don’t know.

And I’m being honest. I don’t have an answer for these questions.

Please know I know that God has a plan for me. Please know that I know that there is good all around me. Please know I know it doesn’t help to focus on the negative. Please know I know it’s not productive to worry. Please know I know my God is in control. Because I know all this. It doesn’t change the fact that the valley is still deep and dark and it will take me time to climb out of it.

I’m so excited for each new rotation. I’m so excited to pick my specialty. I’m so excited to be an aunt. I’m so excited for the holidays. I’m so excited for Jacob and I’s next steps. I’m so excited for our future, my future.

I know things will get better, but right now, it’s about surviving. And surviving is enough. Surviving is good. Surviving is the first part of climbing out.

Please don’t worry or freak out. I’m ok. I am loved and taken care of. As my husband told me today, I have an army behind me ready to help and I am thankful for every single one of them.

So. If you happen to find yourself in the deep, dark valleys… I see you. I understand.

And I’m here. For the car rides. For the coffees. For the smoothies. For the silence. I’m here. And we survive together. We climb out together.

This year has been tough on all of us. Check in on each other. Realize that sometimes words can’t describe how someone is feeling. Just be there. That’s enough. And remember, valleys can’t be valleys without the mountain tops. You just have to keep moving forward ❤️

With love, Aleena”

My Learnings

I hear from my wife when she has had a bad day, week, or month that she doesn’t want to do much. It’s not easy for me to communicate with her because I tend not to get a response. I choose to make the decisions for her and nudge her to come with me to get out and avoid just sitting on the couch. I find it beneficial for her and it helps me to better understand her.

I’m still learning how to help her and handle these low points. My goal isn’t to make her happy instantly, but to make sure she knows that I am here. I try to make sure that she knows she is safe, loved, and things will get better. I have found some success in taking her out on a drive or to a park. Getting her mind off whatever she is thinking about and more into explaining and talking to me seems to help. It can be hard for her to talk, and hard for me to understand but it is beneficial for both of us.

Take time to listen. Take some mental notes and find some strategies to keep your spouse happy. Find what they need, which may not be what they want. Be patient, kind, and cautious. Use this time to learn about your spouse and do your best to be there to help them.

The “Dark and Twisty” Place

November 13, 2020 / Aleena Brown

This is Important. Pay Attention.

What does depression look like to you?

I want to be honest. Like really honest. My Facebook timeline and Instagram feed are full of happy pictures. Smiles and love. Family and friends. Next steps in my medical school journey. Memories of good times. That’s all great and life is full of wonderful moments…

But.

Life also has valleys. Times of sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and fear.

And when I find myself in those valleys, they just seem a little deeper and a little darker than others.

“Aleena, why are you sad?” … I don’t know.

“Aleena, why are you mad?” … I don’t know.

“Aleena, let’s go out” … maybe another time.

“Why aren’t you reading?” … I don’t want to.

“Why don’t you take pictures?” … I don’t have the energy.

“Let’s take a walk.” … I don’t know if I can move.

“Well if you don’t know, then why stay sad? Why stay angry? Why worry?”

…

I don’t know.

And I’m being honest. I don’t have an answer for these questions.

I know things will get better, but right now, it’s about surviving. And surviving is enough. Surviving is good. Surviving is the first part of climbing out.

Please don’t worry or freak out. I’m okay. I am loved and taken care of. As my husband told me today, I have an army behind me ready to help and I am thankful for every single one of them.

So. If you happen to find yourself in the deep, dark valleys… I see you. I understand.

And I’m here. For the car rides. For the coffees. For the smoothies. For the silence. I’m here. And we survive together. We climb out together.

A Good Night’s Sleep

November 4, 2020 / Jacob Brown

With all the stress and strain in a medical student lives, it can be difficult to have a good night’s sleep. We have a lot going on, especially with school or work, and it can be hard to quiet our minds enough to rest. This is something that seems to vary depending on what rotation my wife is in, and how strenuous the work.

Personally, I don’t usually have many issues falling and staying asleep. I tend to rest my head upon my pillow, and be asleep within 10 minutes. I tend to take some time to reflect on my day and relax before heading to bed as well. I may be a weirdo, but I prefer to shower before bed, and not in the morning. It seems that a lot of people I have met prefer to shower in the morning because it wakes them up and preps them for the day. I have noticed that it has been a bad idea to fall asleep on the couch, then take a shower and try to fall asleep in bed. This tends to result in a long period of time awake staring at the inside of my eyelids. It must be that I was asleep, then interrupted it and tried again. I prefer to prep for bed about 30-60 minutes before I want to fall asleep. This gives time for my body and mind to slow down, and my nightly routine not to interfere with my sleeping schedule. This doesn’t always pan out when I am working on projects, but I try to stick to it.

I try to stay on a nightly schedule to create some consistency to my day. I like to set alarms for things that I need to do so that I don’t get too caught up in my work. This helps to get started on my routine so I’m not late to bed late. This is something that my friends have noticed and choose to point out every time my alarms go off. They mean well, and I also think it’s funny that they know my alarms as well as I do. I try to use my schedule to influence my wife as well, pointing out when it is time for her to stop working or watching TV so we can get to bed.

My wife’s experience with good sleep is a different story than mine. She tends to have some issue falling asleep, and it seems a majority of the reason is due to her high brain activity when climbing in bed. She uses her brain so much during the day that it can’t tell when the day is over. This causes her to have a hard time getting her mind to stop running. This seems to be a common issue among people that live busy and hectic lives. It can be hard for her to slow what she is doing and let herself relax.

Some things that she does to relax may be taking a walk, reading a book, or listening to music. I’m not sure how positively influential smart phones are on our sleep habits, but it seems best not to play on them while in bed. She tends to need more time to relax before falling asleep when doing so. It seems to be more important what time she gets in bed, and not as much how long it takes to fall asleep. As an example, if it takes 30 minutes to fall asleep but she gets in bed at 8:00 pm, it’s not a big deal. If instead of 8:00 pm it were 11:00 pm, that’s different and not going to be beneficial. Not everyone can fall asleep right when their head hits the pillow, which is okay. It can be beneficial to find ways to relax and prep for bed so that you can rest properly. If you can find what makes you tired, maybe you can get adequate sleep.

Some Sleep Influences

Following is a list of influences that I have noticed affect my wife’s sleep. They don’t cause her issues every night, but they do on occasion. It can be hard to stick to healthy living and a schedule, especially with how busy our lives have been during medical school.

Stress from working in the hospital. Patient stress and stress caused by the environment.
Continuous thoughts about tomorrow. Not only negative thoughts, but positive thoughts as well.
Poor diet, especially in the evening. This is usually remedied by having a good meal early in the evening.
Tense muscles, this is usually remedied by a massage. This is a continuous issue. This tends to make her toss and turn a lot, which interrupts sleep.
Brain seems tired but body is not. This seems to be common as well, especially when she spends a lot of time studying and not moving.

Getting good sleep can be difficult when your days are stressed. It seems that if a person did a bunch of things in a day, it would cause them to be tired enough to fall asleep. This doesn’t seem to be the case. Proper sleep can make your days much more productive and enjoyable. Hopefully you can find some productive, healthy, and beneficial outlets for stress and worry to allow yourself to get proper rest.

The First AHEC

October 14, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Being away from your spouse can be hard. After being married for a few years people tend to grow accustomed to being around their loved one and living a certain lifestyle. My wife and I are experiencing this for sure now that she is learning at a location too far to commute.

AHECs (Area Health Education Centers) allow the medical students to learn from different doctors in different locations. The students are able to find locations that they may want to participate. There are a lot of these programs available, so keep an eye out. Some of these locations are rural, which is where my wife is currently stationed. She is currently staying in a small hotel that is provided by the school. It is nice that we don’t have to directly pay for her to stay at a new location as it is worked into the tuition fees. Paying for her to stay in another city for a week and a half could be pretty expensive for us as well. She is at a small town near Willard, OH working one-on-one with a physician. This doctor works in the internal medicine field at a clinic and is also a hospitalist at a nearby hospital.

Being apart from each other is something that my wife and I have not had to experience regularly. It can be difficult not having dinner together, preparing for bed, or waking up next to each other. This is something that we have grown accustomed to, but we can still be in communication with each other even when at a distance. We have some of the greatest inventions of our time for communication including video chatting. It is nice to be able to see the face of our loved one as we have a conversation and can really help lift them up if they are down.

There are some things that my wife and I are doing to help her keep motivated and more comfortable. My wife took her pillow, which might seem weird, but being able to have a similarity in your bed can help sleep better. She took different snacks and food for breakfast so that she doesn’t have to rush in the morning. These are also the items that she usually enjoys. She drove a new vehicle, which should be more reliable and make her feel more comfortable making commutes.

We have to see the benefits of these kinds of situations.

New medical field experiences.
Experience new medical procedures.
Build independence.
Get your name out there.

It is a new experience, which can make it scary or discomforting. You might be in a hotel that doesn’t meet your standards or have to drive further than you want. This experience will help you learn to fend for yourself and become a better physician.

Keep In Mind

You are going to have new experiences. This is a new situation, so make the most of it. Be prepared (clothes and supplies) for the clinic or hospital in which you are working.

Do what you can to avoid becoming lonely. When you get home from work you may be alone, which will make it different than normal. My wife is used to me being there, and I need to make sure that she feels I am still invested.

Relax and have fun. You are going to experience some new people and procedures.

Step 1: The Time Has Come

September 30, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Previously I wrote about my wife preparing for the Step 1 exam at an earlier stage of COVID-19. Her test date had been cancelled and was rescheduled for October 8th, 2020. The date is coming up quickly, and my wife has been doing amazing studying. She has really been sticking to her goals and trying to meet them.

Once in a Lifetime

I’m not sure that it has ever happened, or will again, that a student will be given this kind of arrangement for taking the Step 1 exam. My wife previously studied for her exam, and the date was pushed back. She continued to study as the date was pushed back again until it got to the point that it was cancelled and rescheduled. Typically the students study for about 6 weeks leading up to their Step 1 exam. My wife had studied for 12+ weeks in the previous go round, and has now studied for about 3 weeks leading up to her October 8th testing date. So in all, my wife will have been allotted 12+ weeks of dedicated study time for this exam.

Combatting Negative Ideas

Studying for an exam for this long takes a toll on a persons mind. Most of their time studying is spent alone. It can be hard to stay positive when you are left to your own ideas, while practicing for an exam getting feedback on your knowledge. The practice exams and study material that my wife uses gives feedback on correct and missed questions. It can be a downer to get on a streak of incorrect answers, but it is crucial to stay positive.

We have talked quite a bit about how she can stay positive. I figured it would be worth listed some of the ideas, in case you are in the same situation. Not only does this apply to medical school, but I think it applies to college and life in general.

Take breaks to relieve stress.
You have gotten this far, and it wasn’t on accident.
Find joys in life. Whether it be a favorite food, or a hobby you can look forward to after you complete your exam.
Set a goal for studying, and use any additional time for yourself.
Stick to what you know. You have studied for hundreds of exams, do what works for you.
Push back against the pressure. This is a big test, rise to the occasion and don’t fear it.
Get a good nights sleep. It’s ok if you sleep in, as a well rested mind will treat you better.

As you may be able to tell from my list of advise, I played sports. Most of my words of encouragement seem to stem from football and track. This isn’t a bad thing, a lot of what is pronounced to us in sports can apply to other aspects of life. Other things that we have done to help combat stress and worry is taking a little bit of time off for a couple hours each weekend. We have spent this time playing disc golf, taking walks, or going on a date.

The Home Stretch

As we near the October 8th date I can tell that she is a little nervous. She definitely has the right to be nervous about something this large. This one test depicts what type of doctor she can be for her career. This is real life. They aim to put a lot of pressure on each person with this one exam, and they have to succeed. It is by far a harder exam than anything I have seen elsewhere. There is no second chance, and if you fail you are placed below your classmates that passed. That being said, we are trying not to dwell on that information because she is going to do awesome. She has a brilliant mind, and a heart that drives for what she loves.

Final Thoughts

When things have gotten hard, we have taken the time to step back and look at the bigger picture. The other day we were talking about some changes to her study habits to keep her mind off of a score. You will perform better if you do your best, and don’t focus on a score. You can’t control the outcome, but you can be triumphant with your input. This test is hard, and the studying may be even harder, she will get to see after her test date. She has been really working to stick to a schedule and keep motivated. There has not been a lot of time for self-care lately, but the time will come soon.

She is the one taking this exam, but I feel like I am working on it with her. Making meals, trying to clean the house, and helping her to relax makes me feel as if I am contributing to her success. We are a team, not opponents. We should be working together to lift each other up and should not ever looked to tear each other down. Help your spouse when they are working in hard times, and you both will be rewarded.

Chores Save the Day

September 23, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Though I am extremely terrible at them, I do fully understand that doing chores around the house can take a load off my wife’s mind. She appreciates when I do chores, like washing dishes or laundry, and I enjoy doing them for her. Doing chores for your spouse can completely change a bad or stressful day into a relaxing evening.

Dishes

My wife enjoys being able to come home to a clean house. Not only clean floors, but not cluttered. I tend to get a lot of stuff out because I like to do projects and cook. At times, we end up without any silverware and a sink full of pots and pans. This is when I know for sure that it is time to do some dishes.

Keeping the dishes under control helps to keep our house clean, and our kitchen uncluttered. It can be hard to do anything in the kitchen when the countertop has been overtaken by grimy dinnerware. So, I try to keep them under control so that my wife doesn’t feel that she needs to do them. Not that she can’t do them, but I don’t want her to feel obligated to do them when she is busy studying.

We have an under counter dishwasher, so loading it and starting it is not a big deal. I usually do at least one load per week to try to maintain them. I cook nearly everyday, which definitely makes them compound faster than if we dined out more often. If you don’t have a powered dishwasher, it is good to find ways to be efficient at washing so that you have more time to spend with your spouse.

Laundry

When we moved into our house we brought a new washer and dryer with us. We bought them for a couple main purposes.

Save time
Save money
Ease of use

Having a washer and dryer has saved us a lot of time and been fortunate enough to have a space that allows us to have our own machines. We tend to start a load when we are going to leave and will return later, after going to a park, and switch the clothes to the dryer. We are able to spend more time together as a result to not needing to leave our home to wash and dry our clothes.

I put save money on the list because we save money on each load that we run. That being said, we did have to buy the machines and they are not giving them away. At about $1,200 for the pair, it would take a lot of washing clothes at $10 per run. If it were 1 load per week it would take just over two years before breaking even on the machine purchase cost. We have had them for over two years as of now, so we are now in the black.

Ease of use is a given. We don’t have to pack up all our dirty clothes and travel to a laundromat. There are things that wash better at a laundromat due to their large washers, but we usually manage doing everything at our house.

Cleaning Floors

This is probably the chore that I do best. I don’t do it very often, but when I do I am world class. I tend to leave picking up random items to my wife and I will vacuum the house. I prefer to use hot rod type vacuum cleaners, but the ole broom and dust pan also does a decent job.

I tend to sweep our kitchen with a broom before wet washing the floors. Food tends to wreak havoc on the floors and will need to be cleaned wet instead of just sweeping. I don’t do this a lot, but should because the floor surface is so much nicer afterward.

The Takeaway

My main point is that when I do chores it lessens the stress on my wife. She can work on schoolwork or come home from the hospital and doesn’t have to feel like she needs to do a bunch of work. She tends to feel stressed when things are cluttered at home, so keeping the home tidy keeps her calm. I don’t have a tendency to keep things organized, but have been working on it. I have been working on it with our home furnishings and have been trying to be more organized with my tools and recreational gear. It will take time, but maybe someday I will finally be trained.

Med School Pros #1

August 5, 2020 / Jacob Brown

There are a lot of things going on in medical school that stresses the students and their families. I don’t want to paint a picture for current and upcoming students that medical school is just a terrible time where you are stressed and have a hard time living your life. It’s not that way. Yes it is hard, from my wife’s experiences and what I observe, but there are pros for being in this stage of life. This will be a continuous thread that I want to keep adding to as they come up, but here are a few of them right now.

Make new friends. Just like every school experience we have had so far, there are other people attending that share our interests. We are not the kind of people that need a lot of friends to feel content, but a few good friends to fill that void in our lives. It can be hard to manage having a lot of friends anyway, but some people can do it. Making new friends has allowed us to find people that share our interests. This is important for us because by finding people we can hang out with, we are able to discuss deeper topics or just have fun with other couples. I know that my wife has enjoyed making new friends because it allows her to get to relate to someone. I know that I am her husband, but there are things that I can’t and won’t ever totally understand. She has made some female friends that she can relate to and have good conversations.

If you haven’t ever tried, join a group of people with similar interests. School sanctioned groups exist in the graduate school level just as they do in undergrad. We have had the opportunity to make friends and have some good times with the people as well.

Experience a work environment. If you are a medical student, more than likely you have not had a true experience in the workforce. I know some of the medical students have had a job before going back to school to become an MD or DO, but it is not very common. Summer jobs allow a person to gain some experience of what it is like to be in the hierarchy of a business, but it can also be misleading. A lot of time the “summer help” roles are not very serious, and have little responsibility. Most of the work is little things that businesses need done on the side, but have not had a lot of time to complete. This is not true for every summer job, but I have found it relevant. It is impossible for medical students to have summer jobs while in school, which is all year. Without being able to have a summer job, they can not procure money to live during the school year either.

During school this summer my wife has been able to work in hospitals with doctors to get experience of what it is like to be on the job. She is now working with an Orthopedic Surgeon, which has also been a great experience. This cycle of her school year is in a rural location, which has been a change from being in a larger more urban hospital.

Create lifelong experiences. This is probably a little cliche, but it is true. The time that the medical students spend in school will impact them for the rest of their lives. The relationships that are made, the experiences, and the time to grow in this environment are all important. This time is hard, and will shape the student into a doctor.

Start to find your stride in life. For some students this is the first time that they are truly away from their parents and family. It can be hard for them to cope with the change. This might be the first time that they are “adulting” and being self-sufficient. During this time they really get to find how they want to live life, and what path they will go down for their career. There are a lot of choices they have to make during this time as well. They have to choose how much to take on loans, where to live, who to hang out with and much more. All of these decisions make them who they are, and allow them to make their life their own.

Try new things. Medical School in general is a big change for the student. They have never taken classes in medical school before, and don’t really have an idea of what is ahead when they first start school. I remember my wife’s first week of school. She had just spent the entire summer, the last real summer vacation, relaxing and getting settled into the area. When classes started she realized they were much different than the classes in undergrad. This isn’t a bad thing, but it is a change and is something to learn. She told me quite often how much more independent the student has to be in medical school compared to undergrad. There is very little assistance from the professors, or doctors, and a lot of the work is just left up to the student to accomplish.

Take the time during medical school to try new things. Whether it be food, trips, hobbies, or making friends, it is a good time to take on new challenges.