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A Motherly Moment I Will Never Forget

May 12, 2021 / Jacob Brown

This past weekend I was able to spend time with my mother and show her that I appreciate her. I make regular trips back to Indiana with my wife, so I see her often, but Mother’s Day is a more specific day to show our appreciation. There have been many times that I made the trip back to Indiana to see my parents specifically. Being further from home than before (during undergrad) has made the dynamic of our relationship change. I’d like to think that we depend on them less now that we are further away, but I’m not so sure that change has really happened at this time. I feel like we all need our parents and the role of being a mother or father never truly ends.

I have the greatest Mother. You may be thinking that you have the greatest mother, but that just can’t be true (unless you are one of my 5 siblings). My mother is the strongest woman that has influenced my life and I am very grateful. The primary reason that I have the best mother is that she has given so much effort to make sure we are happy (and fed). Obviously, part of my reasoning was going to revolve around food. Looking back now, I can see that she did a lot more for me than I thought at the time. We tend not to see the true effort that someone puts into us until later.

My parents have dedicated a lot of time and energy to us to make sure that we will succeed in life. Our parents teach us nearly everything while we are growing up. I tend to share a lot of the same interests of my mom, which may be why we enjoy spending so much time together. I like cooking and doing projects with her, but I haven’t been able to do as much since moving to Ohio. She is a great baker and nearly always has cooking lying for snacks.

A Short Story

When I was in elementary school, I was an amazing student. Probably. I’m not really sure since my favorite subject was recess and I usually waited all morning for lunch time. Maybe I was actually the stereotypical grade-schooler playing kickball at recess, forgetting to do their homework, and doing nearly anything for candy.

My mom put in the effort to drive us to school everyday instead of taking the bus. Taking the bus would have resulted in a long ride and leaving home very early. It would also have resulted in getting home later, so my parents decided that they would take us to school. I greatly enjoyed being dropped off by my mom and having her pick me up from school. It was way more fun to finish my last class and run out of the school looking for my parents’ blue van instead of being packed into a school bus.

I feel like I never made it easy on my mom, though she was putting out the extra effort to help us. One of the most common strains I (and my siblings) put on her was forgetting something at home on our way to school. I would typically forget my agenda at home and sometimes my entire backpack! I must have been carrying it around, got distracted and put it down somewhere I couldn’t remember.

My typical scenario would be as follows:

Mom: Get in the van and don’t forget your backpack.

Me: Okay!

Arrives at school

Mom: Have a good day! Do you have all of your stuff?

Me: Ahh! I forgot my backpack.

Mom: *sighs* I will go get it and drop it off at the principals office for you.

Me: Thanks!

Mom flies home to grab backpack so I don’t fail 2nd grade. Returns to school with lightning speed.

I would then sit in class and wait for the principal’s office to call my teacher so I could go get my backpack with all my school stuff inside. As an upside, we only lived about 10 minutes from the school but this put a lot more strain on my mom. I never heard her complain about any of these shenanigans with us forgetting our school stuff at home, just a reminder every time not to forget so she didn’t have to drop it off for us.

Thank You

Thank you Mama for everything that you have done for us. I really appreciate you and someday might be able to pay you back for all the round trips bringing me my backpack. Until I figure out how to ever make it even, I will have to just say thank you, Happy Mothers Day and soon birthday.

Stealing a Precious Moment in Time

April 13, 2021 / Jacob Brown

My wife and I wanted to capture more of our lives which resulted in purchasing a camera just before last Christmas. I made a post a while back on what we were going to purchase, but I haven’t taken the time to put together a summary of how we are enjoying ourselves. We have been able to secure taking photos of my friends and family which has offered good practice. It has taken some time to get good practice, but we are getting closer to feeling comfortable taking photos for others. Taking photos for others is one of my goals in this venture, but there is a lot of practice required before feeling comfortable. I don’t want to take photos of someone just to have all of the photos be bad or have some sort of flaw. This is probably one of my greatest fears in photography!

My Brief Analysis

I’m not going to write a review of the camera that we purchased because there are plenty on the internet. I have not experienced the camera long enough to write a strong detailed review, but maybe someday. We made the decision to purchase a Sony Mirrorless camera. Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t purchase the tried and true DSLR. The reason we did not purchase a DSLR is… there really isn’t a reason against the DSLR. We purchased a mirrorless camera in part because it is newer technology but I also thought that it would be fun to try. I know people with DSLR cameras and I thought it would be fun to try something different. The biggest difference that I have seen between it and a DSLR, is having a screen inside the viewfinder. This has been very nice and seems to have made taking photos easier than with a DSLR. The quality that we have gotten from the camera is very high. I think that a lot of the photos we’ve taken are professional quality. I have found that if I want to take easy photos, I can set it up to be just as easy as a smartphone.

Having the ability to manual focus has been new as well. I have not had the option and it is not a standard feature on smartphones. I have enjoyed getting to pick our point of focus and created more depth in our photos. My wife enjoys taking photos in this fashion that have a lot of bokeh (focusing on an object with lots of blur in the surround objects). I like taking control of the camera and making all of the setting myself even though the camera is pretty smart.

I would say that overall my experience with the Sony Mirrorless camera has been very good. It has only been about 5 months, but it seems that its only getting better.

My Photography Goals

One of my main goals while taking up photography is to capture more of our lives. It can be difficult to take things or materialistic items with us due to being in medical school, but we can take thousands and thousands of photos without much trouble. We are hoping to detail our lives for our own sake so that we can someday share our memories with our families. I have found that most people lost the art of the scrap book, but we want to keep files of our photos in a similar fashion.

After getting good at taking photos I would like to venture out to help others experience the joy of seeing a moment from their lives. It’s not an easy task (capturing a moment from someone’s life in a photo) but it is something that I would like to strive to achieve. My wife is in medical school which makes her pretty busy. I am reaching out to find new hobbies and challenges to fill my time that can also carry over to when my wife becomes a practicing doctor. I am hoping that photography will become a lifelong hobby that we can enjoy together.

Striving For the Job YOU Want

April 1, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Depending on your work situation, it can be hard to stay motivated. There are times where the amount of stress outweighs the apparent reward for all the effort. This is not an uncommon situation for people to fall into, especially when there is a lot of monotony in their work. To further explain this idea, I am going to give a situation that I have seen common to a lot of people that is a good example of this situation.

A Common Situation

Having the feeling of being trapped or in a stagnant state is not uncommon for those in the workforce. I have talked to quite a few people that have had this experience.

To better explain in a realistic scenario, let’s create a character named Hank. Hank works at his job as an accountant crunching numbers day-in and day-out for his boss. He works hard every day, but lately has felt that his work isn’t going as far as it was when he started. He feels like if he puts in 100% effort, he will receive the same amount of recognition as giving less effort. If he only pushes for 80% effort, he still gets all of his work done and does not make any mistakes. After working for his employer for 1 year, putting out all of his effort, he has felt less motivated to push for 100%, and settles for 80% effort. Hank was hoping for a raise by now but has not received what he was hoping to receive from this job. After reaching the 1 year mark, Hank falls into the habit of only giving 80% effort for his work.

As Hank approaches his second year of working for his employer, he is still upset that he has not received as much money as he thinks he deserves for his work. Hank decides to meet with his manager to discuss his current work situation. Hank explains to his manager that he is not getting paid enough at his job and would like more money in order to give more effort. He explains to his manager that he is in a rut and does not feel that his work is very appreciated though he does everything correctly.

Some Analysis

In order to arrive at some possible resolutions, I find it useful to look at possible causes for Hank landing in this situation. Let’s gather some of the facts.

Hank…

gave 100% effort for 1 year at his job.
was hoping for a raise after working for his employer for 1 year.
decided to give 80% effort because he did not feel that his work what worth his effort.
decided to meet with his manager to voice his opinion on not getting a raise.

I think that the first point #1 Hank is doing exactly what he should be doing. That being said, when Hank made the decision to set a price on his effort and reduce his effort the real trouble began. Incidentally, when people take themselves out of the 100% effort output and decide that the reward is not great enough for the input, they dig themselves a hole. When Hank decided to stop putting out all of his effort, he made his chances of a raise nearly 0%. Employers want to see that he is working hard and lately has not. When he approaches his manager and demands more money for his effort, it is a hard sell. Why would an employer pay more money when someone will not give all of their effort? This exact situation is why I like to use the method of “work for the job you want, not what you have.”

It’s not easy, that’s for sure. If we end up in a situation like Hank, putting out all of our effort without an apparent reward, we can feel unmotivated. If we work our hardest and do not receive a raise or reward for our work, it is ok to talk to our employer. The one main point that I would like to make about this is making sure that we are at the highest point we can work toward. If we slack off our work or decide to stop working as hard, how can an employer expect us to work harder if they pay more? It is safer for them to invest into their employees if they are showing that they are willing to go the extra mile. There is another side of this scenario where the employees will never receive a raise or bonus, but it is not as common as you may think.

The Resolution

There may be more resolutions, but following are some that I have recommended to people or have thought are good solutions. Following are some different options that I can see in this situation, but the main thing for me is work hard. Work hard and strive for something greater than what we are being paid to do. That doesn’t mean that we impede on our coworkers and try to take their work in order to make ourselves look good.

Hank should:

continue to work at 100% effort before talking to his manager. Work for the job that he wants, not what he has. His chances of getting what he wants or needs from his employer would have been much easier if he spoke with his manager when the motivational issues began.
talk to his employer if there is anything that he needs to do in order to achieve his own goals.
find a new job if there is no resolution to his situation.

The Great Anticipation for a Match

March 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Every year thousands of graduate students pursuing medical degrees wait for a day deemed as “Match Day.” On this day rides the opportunity to hear their next steps in their educational journey. Medical students are required to complete Medical School, then go on their way into a residency program where they learn more within a specialty. This is the time in their learning where they receive specific training and enter their desired field, which includes their first paycheck. Contained within this sweet bonus package is the right to be called by the prefix Dr. For most of the students, this is a time of excitement that is closely followed by an excess of stress.

The Match

Preceding the famed “Match Day”, is a day where all of the students receive notification that they did, or did not, match with a residency program. This year the students found out on Monday March 15. The fashion in which match day operates seems to be a good process. The students find out if they have matched with a residency program before gathering and opening a letter on match day. If they were to put it all into one ceremony, I can imagine there would be a lot of tears amongst the joy. There would be people that did not match (which happens) trying not to be sad while their colleagues are looking at a piece of paper stating they got what they wanted. The letter that they open on match day states where and what program has accepted them.

The day that the medical students find out IF they matched seems to be much more stressful than WHERE they matched. For us normal people, this is like hearing whether for not we have landed a job. Residency is a paid internship. To set the scene, lets imagine that we went on 10 job interviews at different companies. After completing the interviews, we get an anonymous email saying that we have landed a job, but we have to wait until Friday to learn which one. On one hand, we learned that we have gotten a job which is exciting! The only catch is that we don’t know which job (what our job will be or where). I do not know a lot about the specifics of what happens when students don’t match, but it can be a tough situation.

Match Day

The infamous Match day is when the medical students are assigned where and what job (internship) they have landed after graduation. This is an extremely exciting time for them as they are becoming doctors! From what I understand, traditionally all of the medical students that have matched with a program meet for “Match Day.” The students gather together in an event hall to open their letters with their invited family members and fellow students. This is especially exciting because they have been waiting for a few days to hear where they will be going for the next 3-7 years (may not be exactly that depending on their specialty). The full ceremony did not happen this year due to COVID-19 restrictions. Some of my friends that are in their 4th year were able to video call their parents to share the moment of opening their letter.

The Importance

From my perspective, Match Day signifies everything that the medical students have been working for in the past 4 years. All of the blood, sweat, and tears that have been shed are now paying off. When they take the next steps of their journey they will now have acquired the prefix Dr. More importantly, they will finally get paid for their hard work! Medical school is not quite complete at match day, but they are practically standing at the finish line. When my wife has match day, she will still have a couple weeks remaining in 4th year to complete.

Taking the next step in the process of becoming a practicing doctor will be a relief. To remind you (the reader) most of the medical students are 26+ years old and will finally have their first job! I have talked to quite a few medical students that have stressed to me their longing to finally get a paycheck and have a job. Residency also allows the students to take more next-steps in life. One of the biggest advantages of residency that I have witnessed for residents (medical students in residency) is their ability to spend and invest money. Advancing to a resident allows them to make large purchases like property and houses. I know a few people that have been able to purchase a home now that they are out of medical school.

It’s not an easy road making it to Match Day, but it is so rewarding. I am excited for next year when my wife and I get to experience it ourselves. We don’t know where we will be going, but we will go together. We will finally reach the next hurdle on the adventure for her to become Dr. Aleena Brown. Stay tuned!

Making a HUGE life decision!

March 10, 2021 / Jacob Brown

There comes a time in nearly everyone’s life where they have to make the decision on what they are going to pursue doing for a living. For most this occurs at the completion of high school, undergrad or graduate school. Not everyone makes a long term choice on the first attempt either, sometimes it’s not than easy to find what we want to do the rest of our lives.

For those pursuing an M.D. degree like my wife, a big decision has to be made around the completion of the third year of medical school. This time of their educational career pushes them to pick what specialty they will pursue. There are many specialties within the medical field and one must be chosen for residency. My wife was torn for a long time on what she would pursue.

After looking at many different specialties and experiencing these doctors’ daily operation, my wife has chosen OB/GYN. It appears to be the best mix of surgery and patient contact. My wife enjoys getting to talk with patients building a relationship with them. A lot of the dedicated surgery specialties have little time talking with patients and this is important to her. Family medicine has a lot of contact with patients getting to know them, but my wife would prefer to have a surgery aspect to her career.

So, how did she make the decision? What were some things that she considered when making this decision?

The (almost) Doctor’s Thoughts

Hi! So, when I first started medical school I thought I wanted to go into general surgery. I loved the idea of operating and being able to use my hands to fix a problem. I loved anatomy and wanted to spend every day getting to use that knowledge. I didn’t think I wanted long term patient continuity and I wasn’t sure about long clinic days.

The summer between M1 and M2 year, I did an anatomy elective that allowed me to focus on the female reproductive system. I was able to do my own dissection and learn about some common procedures. I fell in love with the pelvic anatomy. From there I started doing some more research. A not so secret secret: OB/GYNs are amazing surgeons! M2 year brought lectures and book work on the reproductive system and I came out of that class with a pretty good idea that this was the right field. But first, I needed to experience it in real life.

Some of my thoughts changed when I got into third year. I wanted to find a specialty where I could use my full potential. I wanted it to fit my personality. I wanted it to fit with my goals outside of medicine. Jacob and I started talking more about the life we wanted to have outside of medical school and residency. What were the goals we wanted for our life? For our family? That’s when I knew I needed to find a specialty that would also be supportive of my life outside of medicine.

As I went through each rotation I talked with the physicians about their lives, why they chose that field, and the highs and lows of that specialty. I crossed off some specialties right away. I didn’t want a lot of down time. I get bored a little too easily. I didn’t want super sick patients. Intensive care is a little too sad and frustrating. I liked kids, but I didn’t want to only take care of kids. By Christmas, I knew that I was between General Surgery and OB/GYN. I decided OB/GYN was the best option after my clerkship in January. The residents and attendings love their work and are happy even during the long hours. On service, I saw women in all stages of life supporting each other as they learn to become the best physicians they can be. The combination of surgery and clinic keeps the days interesting. I love that I will be able to care for women throughout their lives and be with them for some very important occasions. This specialty will allow Jacob and I to move back to a more rural community and fits well with our vision of the future.

Final Thoughts

Making big life decisions is hard. It causes a lot of stress and worry which makes the process difficult. I have found through our processes that considering the following can guide us on our path.

What is the most valuable thing in my life?
Is this decision the biggest thing in my life?
If I were not to proceed with this decision, would I still feel satisfied in life?
What steps can I take to eliminate other options?
When it comes to careers, if I were to lose this opportunity, what else do I still have?
How can this career help me achieve my life goals?
Will my life goals be blocked by choosing this career?
Will my job choice influence my family life positively?
How can I have a career and a family?
Does one choice offer better benefits?
Do I feel that one will be a career and one a job?

When is it time for me to turn down a different road?

February 25, 2021 / Jacob Brown

It can be hard to tell when a losing battle should be put to rest. There are times in all of our lives when things seem to go another direction, different from what we want. I feel as if I have been fortunate enough to avoid these situations lately, but they seem to lurk around waiting to get us to commit to them.

Some different times of life that come to mind might be college, medical school, jobs, and friendships. All of these things require dedication and persistence. There may come a time in any of these situation where we may choose to take a loss and get out while we can. It’s not a fun time by any means, but there are situations where it is necessary.

So, how can we tell when it is time to quit? This is not an easy question to answer. I don’t think that there is a definite answer either. Our current situation is important when considering leaving and cutting ties. I have found a similarity between most decisions that I choose to end. The main commonality is a “dead end” that lies ahead. If we have a dead end that doesn’t allow advancement, it may be time to leave. That doesn’t mean that when college is hard we quit, but we need to make sure that we see further ahead than the moment we are experiencing. Medical school has been difficult for my wife, but she has so much more in store for her after she graduates. If we have friends that never consider our interests we can feel like ending relationships.

You have to be the one to justify the situation when quitting. This is extremely important as we can’t go back to the way things were before most of the time.

A Recent Hard Decision Made

Almost 2 years ago I made the decision to leave my job and move on to a better opportunity. I was working at a decent job, but my time there had come to an end. I was hired to set up the facility and as it came to a close I began to search for my next challenge.

Leaving my previous role wasn’t super easy for me. One of the main reasons that I didn’t want to leave was because I worked with my dad. To partake in medical school we moved to Toledo (almost 2 hours from home). The distance from our families has made it more difficult to see them. We get to see them fairly regularly, but seeing my dad on weekdays was a lot of fun.

Another reason I didn’t want to leave was because I enjoyed my job. This was my first job out of college which also made it important to me. This was the first time I was part of a company and had a lot of fun but when the time came I left for a better opportunity.

Leaving was hard for me, but my new job has been 100 times better for me and my career. I have more responsibilities which brings some more stress, but also more joy. I tend to have more interest and pride in what I am doing as well.

I work longer hours at my new job, but I make more money. We have been able to do more when it comes to funding medical school now than before. I have also been able to better fund retirement, loan payments, and hobbies.

I left all my work friends, but I have made new. I work with some great people and would not have met them if I didn’t leave my previous job.

I worked in a good environment, but now it is even better. The people that run the company I work at aren’t perfect. That being said, they work hard to keep it all running. The main reason we are there is to make money and they do their best to make that happen.

My Final Thought

Life is hard. Making decisions is hard. We (collectively) are not very good at making decisions. I urge you to look ahead down the road and make the best decisions possible. It’s not easy but it will take you for an interesting ride.

How have I spent the last 10 years with the same lady!?!?

February 17, 2021 / Jacob Brown

It was back in August of 2010 that I met my wife. At the time, I made the effort to offer my assistance on her schoolwork and homework though it wasn’t needed. I had lower grades than her (and she is smarter than me) so she didn’t really need my help. I like to think that my incessant and possibly annoying persistence was the key to winning her over.

We didn’t officially start dating until I turned 16, but we decided that we were going to date at that time on February 12, 2011. Dating at age 16 was a rule set by my parents and I think I will continue this for my children. What’s the point of dating if the child can’t drive themselves anyway?

My wife has been an amazing addition into my life. She contributes so much to help us prepare for the future. This includes how we spend money and life choices she makes with school. I definitely don’t know where I would be in life without her.

Following are some things I have learned after dating and being married to her. They are not in a particular order, but all are important. It would be interesting to see what others have learned during their marriage or dating life if it has been as long.

What have I learned in the past 10 years?

Be Patient. This is something that most relationships have realized. There are a lot of times where we are waiting on each other patiently, our relationship could be difficult. Being patient also includes life goals that have been set together. In my case, after I knew that I wanted to marry my wife, I had to wait longer than anticipated to get married. Having to wait doesn’t mean that it is a time to bail, but learn. Learning to be patient is hard and a relationship with our significant other or spouse can help us learn first hand.
Do what she enjoys. I learned long ago that my wife had different interests than me. She enjoys reading books about 10,000 times more than me. I can’t remember the last book I read, but I know for a fact that it was not for pleasure! I just don’t enjoy sitting down and reading books, but she does. I have made the effort over the years to sit with her and accompany her while she reads through adventures. She will curl up next to me on the couch and read for hours while I browse on my phone or watching tv. She enjoys my company and I enjoy making her happy.
Date your wife. This is something I have heard quite a bit from older generations. I have found it useful in keeping our relationship feeling young. I know that being married nearly 5 years isn’t long, but plenty of marriages don’t make it this far. Dating your wife (going out together) gives the feeling that you are continuing to pursue her and makes her feel wanted.
Do your hobbies. It is fun to have another person around, but it is important to continue what you want to do. You need to be yourself while being in a relationship. I have found that my spouse enhances and adds to the joy of my life. It is important for me to continue my hobbies and what made me happy before getting married. Not all hobbies qualify, but the hobbies that are important that fit into my relationship with my wife.
Listen to what she thinks about. Sometimes it can feel like I can’t relate to the topics that my wife wants to talk about, but it is important that I listen. Not only does it make her happy to talk to somebody, but I feel that I learn about her while she speaks her mind. This is an opportunity for me to learn what she thinks about and what is important to her. I am always learning and hope that this will continue as we grow old together.
Give her what she needs. This might be one of the hardest tasks because it takes time to decipher between NEEDS and WANTS. I know that some of you may be thinking “if she says she needs it then she needs it,” but I have found that she needs the unspoken items more than those she vocalizes.
Ask what she wants to do. It is important for my wife to feel wanted and needed in our life together. It is crucial for me to ask what she wants to do even when we end up participating in a different activity. This can be asking what she wants for dinner or how she would like to spend the weekend. I find that if we don’t ask then try activities that each of us are interested in, it can be hard to learn about each other. There are things that she may want to try that I haven’t ever considered and may enjoy. Our goal of being married is to work together and it would be difficult with only one mind dishing out ideas.
Make her feel important because she is. Learning the love language of your spouse is key to productive communication. My wife’s love language is “Words of Affirmation” which means that how I speak to her goes a long way. My words carry a lot of weight both positive and negative. I make the effort to tell her that I love her and that she looks beautiful on a regular basis. I also try to weigh in on decisions when she asks me about life choices or clothes. She enjoys when I pick out her clothes because she wants to be dressed in something I like, and know that I like what she’s wearing.
Work together to achieve your goals. I am a firm believer that we were put on Earth to work together to glorify the kingdom of God. This is not an easy or simple task. We (as husbands) are made to build up our wives and our wives are made to support us. It is hard to work together all the time because we have different ideas. I have found it most productive to talk through our own life goals and work with each other to achieve them. We should not be giving up our happiness in order to give happiness to our spouse. We are in each other’s lives to enhance, not detract.
Lead. Leading in our relationship is my job and it has benefits for my wife. Leading doesn’t mean that I make all of the decisions (though that seems to be how it is interpreted). I work to lead our relationship and help my wife to achieve her goals. She is currently in medical school which involves a lot of her time devoted to studying and learning. I have taken it upon myself to earn money so that she can get through school. Leading is difficult as it also makes me responsible for failures. I feel that this takes some weight off of my wife and helps her in school and life.

The Future

Every relationship is different. I’m sure that you (the reader) have found similarities and differences between your relationship and mine. Marriage has brought together two different people to work together in a new way. I have given up some things, she has given up some things, and together we have made a life that is ours. It really doesn’t feel like 10 years together! At almost 5 years married, I think we are off to a good start at getting to know each other.

The Language of Love

February 3, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Our love language is how we express and experience love. There are 5 love languages (check out the book by Gary Chapman). Everyone receives and expresses love differently. How we choose and are made to communicate with others makes us unique. Everyone doesn’t show affection the same and it is important to understand others, as well as ourselves. Having a better understanding will make it easier to communicate with others. Knowing how those close to you experience love can also help build and nurture a relationship.

In my relationship with my wife, I tend to be the less exciting member (from my perspective). I think that my wife gives an outward appearance of having more energy and excitement than I do. I have found this to cause a learning opportunity for myself. She enjoys celebrating and dancing, while I tend to just relax and perform tasks quietly. As I said above, I am pretty sure that I am the boring one.

The Evaluation

From the mind of Gary Chapman, we have 5 love languages. All of them fit somewhere in our lives and some of them are more important to us than others. On his site, there is a quiz to help you understand the values that we have on our love languages and how we display them.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Gifts
Touch

If you have not seen this before, I urge you to look into his book and read up on them. Learning more about yourself gives you a better understanding in relationship communication. I have found that learning more about myself helps me to apply myself more productively in my relationships. It’s not an easy task, but you will learn more as you take the quiz and look into yourself.

I am the type of person that feels appreciation through Gifts. If I do work for somebody or have an accomplishment, I tend to feel more appreciation from others with a gift than any of the other categories. This doesn’t mean that I feel nothing from the others, but they tend not to be as impactful.

My wife is the type of person that feels the most appreciation and love through Words of Affirmation. She enjoys Acts of Service quite a bit, but giving her encouraging words or telling her than I am proud of her is more impactful. Cleaning our house or doing laundry tends to be my choice for performing Acts of Service. Something important to consider when looking at your Love Language is we tend to convey outward what we want to receive. As an example, I tend to feel like I am showing the most appreciation and love toward others when I give gifts. My wife tends to give me Words of Affirmation when she thinks I am doing a good job.

The Challenge

Since my wife’s primary love language is Words and Affirmation, it can be hard for me to convey to her what she needs in our relationship. Words of Affirmation is at the bottom of my list, so I have to work at it in our relationship. It’s not easy to convey love in a way that our mind thinks is not as important or impactful to ourselves. I have found this to be the hardest part of communicating love and appreciation to my wife.

I urge you to follow the link above and take the quiz. If nothing else, it will spark a good conversation between you and your significant other. Maybe you will learn something that will help you to communicate and build a better relationship.

A Letter of Appreciation

January 27, 2021 / Jacob Brown

I am surely not alone when I say that when I was young I was more interested in the cash than the card. Most of the birthday cards I received were quickly discarded after seeing who it was from for the $10 tucked within the folded paper. My mom would (and still does) ask who the card was from to encourage us to read what it says and worry about the money or other gift secondly.

I find that this was a productive practice. We (my siblings) were taught to focus on the more meaningful part of a gift instead of the materialistic portion. I have found that this influenced me in a positive direction when I was younger and today. A handwritten card is more than just a piece of paper. It is a statement from the writer to the recipient that gives light into their lives and reveals a little bit of themself. I have found that heartfelt notes have much more impact than pre-made cards that can be found at the store.

The Mindset

Yesterday I was looking at some of the wedding invitations hanging on my fridge and had a realization. When I was young, about 10 years old, I didn’t care much for the content of the card and was more fixated on the gift that came with it. The card seemed to be just words, and holding onto the card for remembrance of an event seemed silly. I usually took any money and bought things like toys, candy, or pop. The card was just a vessel to carry the money and after it was empty it was tossed out.

I have come to the conclusion that I have either been programmed by my parents to enjoy cards or I have grown to enjoy getting a cards now at 25. The most recent cards that hit home are “Thank You” cards from weddings. Giving gifts to newlyweds is standard procedure, along with sending out “Thank You” cards. Though that is the case, I find myself having a deeper appreciation for the thought from the sender.

When my wife and I were wed back in 2016, we sent out thank you cards to those who attended or gave us gifts. For those who have done this, it can feel like a drag but is necessary to complete. We took the time to write each card by hand and sign them so that they were more heartfelt than a standard pre-made card. This is the style of “Thank You” that I received recently from our recently hitched friends.

As I have gotten older I have grown to appreciate “thank you” a lot more. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but it seems to be more important to me now than when I was younger. I work hard at my job, my marriage and friendships, and I greatly appreciate when others feel that they should retaliate with kindness. It isn’t easy trying to fit everything into our lives that we would like to accomplish. Having those around us feel that they need to tell us that they are thankful is powerful.

In Reality

Though I am not able to write notes to everyone who helps me, I appreciate everything they do. I am thankful for the times that we have fallen or seem to be on our way down and people jump in to help us without being asked. I am thankful for friends that want to spend time with me and my wife. It would be a little bit silly to write a “thank you” card to everyone in my life that makes me feel grateful, but they deserve it.

I think it is important for us to tell others that we appreciate them. In today’s society there are a lot of ways that we can send a message to people to give them information. We can send others a message on social media, text, email or call them. I don’t think that anything can replace the sincerity of a hand written note. So when someone writes one for you, don’t take it for granted. It’s more than just paper with ink.

Hard Task? Let’s Try Self Motivation

January 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

You may have noticed that I missed my typical posting day this past week. It’s not that I didn’t want to make a post, but some different things that have come up made me more busy and I didn’t have time to sit down and focus on writing a post.

Self motivation is one of the hardest things to achieve. Self motivation requires having the ability to push ourselves to complete a goal or task without having others assist. Something that comes to mind when I think of self motivation is sports. Though there is a coach for the team, the players have to make the decision to try as hard as they can in order to be successful. It’s not an easy task, especially when the task at hand is physically or mentally straining.

After retiring from organized sports, I have found myself in a lot of life situations that require self motivation. The biggest difference between these challenges and sports is the lack of coaching. For the most part, there are no coaches in life. Life is a game that is too hard to master, so there’s no coach at the helm that knows the skills and game plan required to win. Though there are a lack of coaches, there are people in the world and our lives that have achieved the same or similar goals that we are working toward. These people can be our allies and people we can rely on for guidance or answers.

A Recent Challenge

My basement remodel project is a recent challenge that has required a lot of self motivation. This project is extra and is not a necessity to live in our home, which has made it hard to be motivated to complete. The main goal of the project was to achieve a dry basement, and make a new space for us to hangout.

I started working in my basement October of 2019 and had the initial goal of completion by December 2019. Obviously, we are just a little outside of the original completion date seeing as it is January of 2021. It’s kind of funny that it has taken so long, but not really since I still can’t fully take advantage of the space.

I have reached the point in my project where I have a fully functioning bathroom and the main area is 99% complete. The tasks that I have left should not take very long, but I have said that before. I mainly work on the project after work for an hour or two which has also caused it to take longer than desired. This project has been a real challenge for me, but I can actually see the light as the end of the tunnel now.

Some Motivational Tips

I am not a self motivation master, but I have learned a few things over the years that I think could help others. I believe that if we have learned or figured something out that we need to share it with others because it may be useful for their journey. Here is a list of some do’s and don’ts on my self motivation journey.

Set a goal that is achievable.
Don’t set a goal that will be impossible to hit.
Challenge yourself when setting your goal. This may be setting a completion date or goal that will be hard to hit.
Don’t set a goal that is so far out of reach that you are unmotivated to reach for it.
Set lots of short term goals so that you can achieve in short strides. This will help with motivation and satisfaction in your work.
Don’t have one primary goal on a large project. As an example, I should not set my only goal to be remodel basement.
Find ways to reward yourself for achieving short term goals.
Don’t withhold all reward or satisfaction until the end of the goal.

If you have questions, reach out to those around you. There are other people that have gone through what you are or similar to what you are going through. Keep strong and push yourself because you may surprise yourself how far you can reach.