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A Year of Excellence

December 31, 2022 / Jacob Brown

For me and my family, 2022 was definitely a year to remember. We had lots of adventures and were fortunate to have most things work out in our favor.

We began the year taking home a newborn baby from the hospital. Our daughter Charlotte was born premature, but is a fighter. She managed to avoid the NICU and grow as God intended. We spent quite a bit of time in the hospital at the end of 2021 due to complications with my wife and were gifted our daughter December 31, 2021. Our lives were very blessed getting to spend the entirety of 2022 with a healthy child in our home.

In the early summer my wife graduated from Medical School and we found out we were heading to Mishawaka, IN for her to continue her education. Packing up all our things from Toledo, OH and heading back Indiana was stressful. It put some strain on us with scheduling, timing and arrangements. My wife’s parents were nice enough to allow us to live with them for a few weeks until our permanent living arrangements could fall into place. It was a huge help for us to have that opportunity. Due to having to move into my in-laws until our housing became available, we ended up having to move twice. We moved from Ohio to storage units, then from storage units into our home. Having the opportunity and ability to make such a move (though not far in distance) was a true blessing. Our families helped out more than they probably needed to and we are grateful.

We bought a van to make traveling easier for our family. Unfortunately, about one month after the purchase the transmission went out. It seemed to have an issue prior to going out, but it went from functional to broken fairly quickly. Having to spend the money to make the repair was a burden, but was necessary. I’m sure a lot of people have been there before, spending money to fix something that was just purchased. Though we had this issue that took a toll on our finances, we have very much enjoyed driving it. Who would have though it would be so fun to be able to ride together comfortably and have space for more people or things.

Charlotte grew from a 4lb 4oz premie into a crawling baby and now into a walking toddler. She has been developing so well in everything from speech to motor skills. She definitely has her finger pincher skilled mastered for picking up peas. Her repetitious use of the word “mama” and her desire to investigate everything has shown me that she will grow to become an intelligent child of God. I have been blessed and amazed to watch her grow.

Though everything wasn’t perfect, I feel that 2022 was a great year. There was lots of good that happened and we learned more than we thought we would about life. The hardships made the good times sweeter, helping us become more disciplined along the way. I think 2023 has a lot in store for us and I am excited for what lies ahead.

2022 – A Year of Changes

December 30, 2022 / Aleena Brown

From Aleena:

It’s been a while since I spent time writing. Major events and important milestones are kept in my bullet journal but writing in length about my thoughts on those events is something else entirely. I feel as though this year changed every part of my life. I received new titles, started a new job, moved states. I experienced many highs and lows over the year. Some days I was so tired, I barely made it through the door before falling asleep. Some days I never wanted to end even as the clock continued to tick towards midnight. We didn’t send a Christmas card this year, so we thought a post on our year would have to suffice.

January 1^st was spent on postpartum after the early delivery of our daughter on 12/31/21. Charlotte came into the world at 4lbs 7 oz. She was a fighter. Even though she was 5 weeks early she was strong. Her blood sugar never dropped. Her temperature was well controlled. She drank well from a bottle. She was as feisty and stubborn as her namesake. If I am honest, I started the year in a very confusing position. I was overjoyed that my daughter was with me, but I was sick and felt defeated. Mentally and emotionally, I felt low. This tiny, too tiny, child was relying on me, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be okay again. My pregnancy had been wonderful, but my labor and delivery were nothing how I imagined it would be. In many ways, I felt as though my body failed me and I wasn’t sure how to move forward. Thankfully, the clock keeps ticking. My tiny child healed my heart and my body slowly healed. Those first weeks went by quickly, and I’m sure there are many women like me who feel like that time lives behind a veil. Everything seems slightly fuzzy. I’m thankful for the pictures I took to remember those days, even the hard days are worth remembering. January came and went. I’m thankful to my mom and mother-in-law who spent weeks with me, helping me learn to take care of my daughter and giving me time to heal, grieve, and move forward.

February: Adjusting a family continued as Charlotte started to grow. We celebrated 11 years together on the 12^th of February. I am amazed as how far we have come and all the things we’ve done in 11 years. The things we talked about at 15 years old were coming true. All our hard work was paying off.

March: The first half of March we waited (im)patiently for Match Day to come. I am a firm believer that God always has a plan for us even if we don’t see it. Sometimes we believe our lives are going down one path and he will send us through a different door. March 18^th, we sat in a large conference room counting down to noon. I had made my list over a month prior. I was sure I knew where we were going. God had other plans. BETTER PLANS! I opened that envelope to see I had matched at St. Joseph Regional Medical Center in Mishawaka, IN. We were going home. I expected bigger emotions that day. I heard others shouting with joy, happy tears going down their faces. I felt relief that this whole thing was over. I was happy, but I was ready to put the circus of residency match behind me. I wanted certainty of my next steps. I wanted to know we had a plan and a home. Finding our next city was step 1.

April: Beginning of April brought the end of medical school. Jacob took me out for an ice cream date to celebrate.

May: I celebrated my first Mother’s Day and 26^th birthday the first week in May. We spent time with our families and continued watching Charlotte grow and learn. Packing was in full swing. We were able to find a home to rent in Mishawaka. We would be able to move in on July 1^st. Until then we would live with my parents in South Bend. There are days I miss our home in Toledo. We had so many memories there including bringing Charlotte home. We did many renovations to make that home ours. It was difficult to know I was leaving a home that felt like mine to live in a house that would never quite feel right. However, being near our families is far more valuable. On May 20^th our families gathered as I walked across the stage to be hooded. This was my third favorite title I received with “wife” and “mama” coming in first and second. It was so nice to look up in the crowd and see my husband, daughter, and both sets of parents waving at me. I am proud of myself for accomplishing this goal! It definitely wasn’t easy but will definitely be worth it. May 28^th was our last day in Toledo. Our families helped us pack up our home and move us back to Indiana and to my parents’ home in South Bend. Our belongings were moved into storage and our suitcases came with us. This wasn’t the first time we lived with a set of parents during our transitions. I’m thankful for such good relationships that allow us to live as a multigenerational household, even for a short while.

June: Jacob and I celebrated our 6^th wedding anniversary. We spent as much time together as a family during this month before I started working on July 1^st. We took a short trip to St. Joseph, Michigan and enjoyed time outside and wandering around the town. Orientation began in the middle of the month. The first time I met my fellow interns, I knew I was in the right place. These were my kind of people!

July: I was on call July 1^st. What a strange feeling that was. I started the year on inpatient medicine. While I was on call, Jacob and his family moved us into our house in Mishawaka. I felt like I had dived headfirst into the deep end, and in all reality, I think I did. It was a strange thing to announce myself as Dr. Brown when I walked into a room. Even now, hearing someone call me “Dr. Brown” has my inner child giggling. Thankfully, most people still call me Aleena (or Mama).

I think the clock sped up because August, September, and October came and went. Work continued as I learned how to navigate the hospital, the EMR (electronic medical record), and learn from those around me. Charlotte grew and grew and suddenly my tiny, tiny baby was crawling, laughing, and evening whistling. She was eating real food and dancing to music. Some days I had more time with my family than others. We had family dinners when we could, date nights when we could, and little adventures here and there. Jacob and I had some big conversations about our future. For most of 2022, Jacob and I thought Charlotte may be our only child. We walked out of that hospital on January 2^nd with our daughter, but both of us had to heal from our experience. We spent a few weekends sitting on his parents’ back porch talking about our family and our goals and visions for the future. One Sunday in September, we were walking out of church. Charlotte was on Jacob’s shoulders, and I had this longing feeling in my chest that someone was missing and should be holding my hand as we walked out. I knew then we were meant to have another child. My hope and prayer is this next year will bring us the joy of having another child. For those who may have been like us, it is okay to change your mind about children. Whether you thought you were only meant to have one or thought you wanted more. It’s okay to change your mind and make the best decision for the family that you have. Children are truly a blessing, but they are HARD work. My feisty 35-weeker turned into a feisty 1 year old. She has taught me so many things about being a mom and about life in general, but raising a human being is tough, especially with no manual. But as the clock keeps ticking, I find myself wishing for just one more minute of newborn snuggles, of nursing, of crawling, of nighttime rocking, of afternoon naps. I look forward to the day she comes running into my arms after work and tells me about her days, afternoons spent doing arts and crafts, family ice cream nights, movies and snuggling. One of my favorite book quotes says, “don’t let the hard days win” and I do my best to remember that on my on-call days, night floats, and tough times with family. By the end of October, I found myself with a 10-month-old and finishing 4 months of residency. I had done all the core rotations and felt much more comfortable at work.

November and December brought us the holiday season. I enjoyed decorating our home and convinced Jacob to put lights on the exterior of the house. Charlotte even had her own little Christmas tree. She is obviously too young to understand Christmas but knowing this was her first, and maybe only one as our only child, I wanted to make it special. She spent time with Grandma Sharon making Christmas cookies for my work and for our families. We spent time in the snow and cuddled up at night. She had many Christmases, one with just us, one with my family and one with Jacob’s. As the only granddaughter on both sides, she was definitely spoiled. The love our families have for Charlotte is unmeasurable. I’ve enjoyed watching her build relationships with her family all year. I was able to take time off between Christmas and New Year’s. I’m extremely thankful for a program that prioritizes their residents and families. They do their best to allow us to spend important dates with our families, just another reason why I am glad God’s plans are bigger than mine. Charlotte turns 1 on 12/31. We will be celebrating with both sides of the family. There will be balloons, cake, cupcakes, and so much yummy food. The days were long, but this year flew by. I don’t know how my preemie turned into this amazing 1 year old, but I am beyond excited to see what this next year has in store for Charlotte. There may be more changes for us this next year as a family but having some constant in this world is needed. Walking into 2023 I feel like a completely different version of myself in a lot of good ways. There has been growth and healing this year that was needed in order to move forward.

Looking Ahead: I’ve already thought of some goals for myself in 2023:

Read 12 books (or more)
Write 1 blog post per month (or more)
Spend 10 minutes journaling per day in both my Bullet Journal and “Better Every Day” Journal
1 Date night per week with Jacob
1 Family Activity per week with Jacob and Charlotte
2 Weekend trips this year
Spend a couple days a month taking photos for our families and others

I want to spend more time documenting and enjoying the phase of life I am in presently. Residency and parenting are both hard yet rewarding. I want to remember these months, especially if we hope to add another member to our family this year. This year I’m choosing to enjoy the ordinary aspects of life and finding peace amongst the chaos and tiredness.

If you’ve somehow read until the end of my monologue, I hope your 2022 was filled with moments of joy and that the times of sorrow were few. I pray 2023 is full of answered prayers and new experiences for you. And if you ever want coffee, I am always excited to sit with a friend over an iced latte.

The Struggle of a Compromise

November 17, 2022 / Jacob Brown

Compromising in a relationship is especially important and difficult. We can’t properly live getting everything we want at the expense of our significant other. Both parties in a relationship have ideas, aspirations and goals that they’d like to achieve. If we are taking everything from them and not giving in return, I don’t think we can truly have a strong relationship.

I think one of the hardest things for us in life is feeling that we are losing. I played sports through college and know that it’s hard to have the feeling of losing. The idea of giving up something I really want for something less desirable is very unappealing. I think it helps to look at it from the perspective of instead of “losing” something, I am trading it for something else. Let’s take a look at the definition of compromise as it will help us to fully understand why it is difficult.

Compromise:

a: settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions

b: something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things
merriam-webster.com

I bolded the word concessions because it is important to understand the idea of a compromise. In order to compromise, we must be willing to concede on some of our wants or ideas. Compromise means that we give up something, in order to find middle ground so both parties can be happy with the outcome – it is important to note the outcome CAN’T be what either party originally wanted. Both parties must trade something they want for something their significant other wants.

Concessions:
a: the act or an instance of conceding (as by granting something as a right, accepting something as true, or acknowledging defeat)

b: the admitting of a point claimed in argument
merriam-webster.com

In our society, we have created the idea that if we give up anything (such as a want) or concede on an idea, that we have now lost. I don’t think that this concept applies to marriage, but it does in other aspects of life. By giving up something we wanted for something our spouse wants, we do not lose. We are not LOSING anything at all, but trading it. When I compromise in a relationship I am TRADING something that would ONLY make ME happy, for something that will make our significant other happy (and me). I don’t think that it should be viewed as losing, but as giving or trading to share happiness.

Example:
Husband: I want to buy a brand new truck because it won’t have mechanical problems. I am not worried about the cost, but I want all the amenities. I intend on spending $50,000 to get a fully loaded vehicle.
Wife: I want my husband to be safe in a new vehicle and don’t care for all the amenities. I don’t want to spend $50,000 – I want to spend $35,000 so we still have money for Christmas and vacation.

How could a compromise work in this situation?

Compromise: They buy a lightly used truck (25,000 miles) that has all the amenities for $37,500. This compromise makes it so the husband is in something reliable and they still maintain having money for Christmas and vacation. Both parties got something they wanted – husband in a new vehicle – and both conceded on an item – brand new and price – to make it work.

So why compromise?

I think that it’s healthy for humans to be uncomfortable and not always get what they want. When we are uncomfortable we learn things that we wouldn’t otherwise. When we don’t get what we want, we may learn that we don’t really need it anyway. I feel that this happens to me quite often.

Compromising is a way that we can show our spouse we love them. It’s like saying, “I know you really want this, so I will give up something I have to make it possible for you.” We are a team working toward a common goal, so why not work to boost each other? On the flip side, I think relationships that don’t consist of compromises are unhealthy. It seems to me, most relationships without compromises are fairly selfish. What’s the point of being married if we aren’t going to work together? Single people don’t have to make compromises with anyone.

Compromising is a way that we checkup on ourselves. I like to think about what I am willing to trade when my wife and I compromise. There are times when I feel attached to something that I shouldn’t be, but am. Is a new toy worth having my spouse upset with me? Is going out with my friends instead of spending time with my wife worth fighting over? I think there are times when we should think, “Can I give this up (is it that important to me)?”

Compromising is not easy but is necessary for a relationship to thrive. Compromising is how we work on our skills of coming to agreements with our spouse. Mixing the ideas of each person is important in creating a diverse home as well. If I got everything I wanted at the expense of my wife, our home would look much different. It is crucial that we are willing to give up our wants to build our relationship.

Dear Grandma Esther…

October 30, 2021 / Aleena Brown

It’s been 5 years without you and so much has happened. Every year I write you a letter keeping you updated. Each year it gets a little easier. I guess that’s the funny thing about grief, it’s always there just easier to deal with. Anyway, this year has been exciting. I’ve written you more letters this year than any of the other years because one just isn’t enough.

School: I am in my last year of medical school. The time has flown by, but I am anxious for it to end. It’s been a long road and I’m ready for the next adventure to begin. I decided to pursue family medicine this year and am excited to start residency this summer. I am in the middle of interviewing for residency. So far, I have had 5 interviews and each program has been very welcoming and kind. It will be a difficult decision to make my rank list. Fourth year has been going well! I have been able to do some interesting rotations and gain some insight into some specialties that I will consult in the future. I think these rotations have been a valuable experience and I will be able to take bits and pieces with me as I move forward. My schedule this year was adjusted so I could take leave this spring to take care of Charlotte. I will finish my last day of clinical rotations on January 28th (your birthday). It’s very exciting to think I only have 3 months left. I will admit, it is getting harder to keep my energy up with so much going on right now. Some days are definitely harder than others. I’m thankful for Jacob, Mom, Dad, Christi, and Brian for being such a great support system and checking in on me frequently. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without them.

Jacob and I: This year Jacob and I celebrated 10 years together and 5 years married! It’s amazing to think all that’s happened in those 10 years together and now we are expecting our little girl! Jacob is still working hard both at work and at home. He is still working at Product Movers keeping the shop running. At home, he recently finished remodeling our basement and is now working on the bathroom upstairs. This little home will be brand new just in time for us to move. He has done such a great job in all areas of his life. You would be so proud of him! I know I am. When we found out we were expecting, he was so excited and a little shocked. When we learned we were having a girl, I think he was smiling more than the day he asked me to marry him. He was the first one to call her by her name. We knew who she was as soon as we saw that pink paper. He has been so supportive during the pregnancy and has helped pick up the slack when I was struggling. He deserves a vacation or maybe a hunting trip. Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to surprise him with something like that. We are doing good though. I think you always knew we would be good. You loved him like he was one of your own from the day I brought him to meet you.

Charlotte: I don’t think I could explain to you the amount of joy and excitement I felt when I found out I was pregnant. That joy and excitement was only magnified when I found out we were expecting a girl. We always knew our first girl would be named Charlotte Esther. We both agreed years ago about that. There were lots of tears shed when the positive test showed up and when I saw that pink paper. I couldn’t wait to tell our family! And they were overjoyed. The first granddaughter for the Browns and the first grandchild for mom and dad! Today I am 26 weeks and 3 days. The pregnancy is flying by. I only have a week and a half left in the second trimester. I don’t want to wish away my pregnancy, but I can’t wait for her to be here. At the beginning of the pregnancy, I had very vivid dreams… and you were there. The first dream I told you I was pregnant. I woke up in tears because I had never seen you in my dreams before, and it was so life-like it was hard to face the reality that I wouldn’t be able to tell you in person. A part of me is thankful that we have the ability to dream, because it gave me the chance to tell you I was pregnant. The second dream was before I knew it was a girl. I ran up to you and gave you a big hug and said “it’s a girl, we are having a girl! And her name is Charlotte Esther!” You gave me a big hug and that was the end. I found out a week later that it really was a girl, and I was thankful again for the opportunity to tell you about it. Charlotte is doing great! Her heart rate is consistently in the perfect range, and she is measuring exactly on track for her due date. She loves to move, kick, dance, and wiggle around. It makes Jacob and I both laugh, although we’ve had to talk with her recently that she needs to let me sleep at night. Even though she hates the seat belt in the car and isn’t a huge fan of me sitting up straight, I feel relief every time she kicks. She seems to love music. I’ve found it will calm her down when she gets annoyed. I’m sure that sounds funny since she’s still in utero, but we think she will have quite a big personality! Our baby shower is coming up. I heard most of the family will be there which is really exciting. I’m thankful to have such wonderful families on both sides who are supportive and excited for another baby to join the family. I hope as she grows there’s a little bit of you in there. I hope she loves baking Christmas cookies and listening to music all day. I hope she loves to be outside and go on adventures. I hope she loves animals and the people she meets. We can’t wait to meet her and get to learn about her each day. It will be an amazing job, and privilege, to be her mom.

Looking Forward: We will be incredibly busy this spring. Charlotte will be here before we know it. Match day is March 18th. We will be in the process of moving and finding a new home for our little family. We are hoping to move back to Indiana, but we will see what ends up happening! I will graduate medical school May 20th and will start residency at the beginning of July. It is such an exciting time for our family with lots of changes. Even in those last few days we talked about all these things happening. You knew I would become a doctor and a mother. You were even working on some toddler dresses for my little girl (They were given to me after you passed away). You knew all along how everything would unfold. And every year on October 30, I write you a letter updating you on all the things that have happened, but I assume you already know.

We love you and we will see you again.

With Love, Aleena, Jacob, and Charlotte Esther

Can I show my spouse support without feeling as if I made a decision for them?

October 8, 2021 / Jacob Brown

I have discovered that it is harder to help my wife make decisions in medical school than initially anticipated. There are lots of big decisions that have to be made, now that school is coming to an end. We are looking at residency programs that would be a good fit for us on the next step of the journey to become a physician.

The programs are much more than just school. There is a chance we will be moving depending on the outcome from the Match. So not only does residency affect her, but it will also affect me and our baby that is on the way. If we move, I will end up changing jobs and we will live in a new area. Considering the factors that will directly affect me, how do I help her to make the BEST decision for her while considering myself and our baby?

I want to begin with two common “NO NOs” when it comes to supporting our spouses and SOs. They are more common than you would think and cause lots of friction and falling out of relationships.

You can make the decision, it’s YOUR life.

This is a phrase that I would avoid. I know people say this to their spouse or significant other during this time, but it puts unnecessary pressure on the Medical Student and removes the other party from the situation. The med student cares about the spouse or SOs opinion and refusing to talk through ideas and give advise is lazy and not encouraging.

My wife cares what I feel is the best decision. I tend to rationalize thoughts and find ways to quantify decisions I make when it comes to this type of stuff. It isn’t an easy decision. The med student is trying to make a decision that will affect them now (the next 3-5 years) and ultimately forever as they are choosing their specialty. Finding a way for me to have input isn’t easy either. It would definitely be easier if I just told my wife, “ you pick what’s good for you, I don’t have a preference,” but it doesn’t help. She cares about me, and I her, so I should try to help because she wants what’s best for US, not just herself.

An Unruly Ultimatum

Ultimatums are not good ways of showing you are dedicated. Offering support only if your spouse or SO give in to what we want is a good way to cause friction. If we are in a relationship with our SO that operates off ultimatums, is it worth taking to residency?

Now for some positive points!

Don’t worry about me.

I have a hard time explaining this to my wife, but it’s true. No matter where we go or what we do she shouldn’t worry about me. I have been able to find happiness in our relationship being in Kendallville, IN and Warsaw, IN and Toledo, OH. Why does location matter? I will find some sort of job to help us and we will find a home. I truly feel that as long as we are together I will find happiness. I’m pretty tough and haven’t let anything get to me too bad so far on this journey. We work to keep our marriage strong and I don’t think being in our current location or a new one will change that.

Don’t let my WANTS put you in a spot that doesn’t give you what you NEED.

I joke with my wife that she should have applied for programs in Texas so I could hunt for pigs. It would be really fun and give opportunities for new adventures, but is it what we need? We have realized that being close to family is more important than fun adventures at this time in our lives. There will be time for all the fun adventures, but moving 1,000 miles away so I can hunt pigs during residency isn’t our best decision. It would definitely be fun, but not what is best for our family.

McDonalds is always hiring.

Not only is McDonalds always hiring, so are other fast food chains and businesses. I will find a job anywhere we are because it is what our family needs. I am here to support her and provide what we need to get through school.

Ideally I would find a job in the engineering or manufacturing field, but it may not happen for a while. At least temporarily, I can provide for us in any way needed to have an influx of cash. Residency also pays the doctors, so maybe I will just become that trophy husband early and finally get the abs I’ve always wanted.

We are worth considering, but you are our #1.

Making the residency decision based on our family is important. Very important. We are along for the ride until you finish medical school and we appreciate being considered. That being said, the residency program choices are for the doctor. The doctor is the one attending and will be having the most experiences. We (Charlotte and I) will find ways to make life work. We can change lots but the doctor can change little.

Is it possible?

Yes! I would say the biggest key to not feeling as if I am influencing too much is to talk and communicate. There have been a lot of things discussed that I wanted that she also wanted. If we don’t communicate I would feel as if I want something that she doesn’t. We are a team and are working toward a goal together. Being open to discuss possible changes, wants and needs is a good start.

A final key would be to NOT make demands that are impossible or selfish. It’s okay to state that we don’t want to live somewhere that could be hazardous. Demanding something like, “I am not going with you to residency unless we live in a 10,000 square foot mansion with gold inlaid marble floors is unreasonable.” Well, it is for me but maybe not someone reading this. Is your particular demand truly needed?

For Aleena – We have your back as we are in this together to support you. We want you to become the best doctor possible and will have fun along the way! You got this!

The Full Fledged Adult

August 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

It is interesting that when we are young we wish to be older. We want more responsibility, more power and more freedom. We want to be able to do what we want on a Friday night or stay up late when we have school the next day. We want to spend our money freely without any cares in the world. Most of these things only fall upon our shoulders as we grow older and become adults. At what age are we expected to have grown enough to reach adult status? 16? 18? 21? 26? 30?

When I was 16.

I remember when I had turned 16. I was just barely old enough the drive, much less pay for my own gas. Who has enough money coming in to drive a pickup truck at age 16 anyway.

I had finally gotten my first cell phone. In my family, we got our first cell phone when we could drive so we had it for emergencies. That doesn’t mean we weren’t allowed to use it for texting or calling friends, but the primary purpose was for safety.

Oddly enough, at 16 I was old enough to date my (now) wife as well. Well, she wasn’t my wife at the time but became my wife a few years later. I wasn’t permitted to date until I could drive which makes sense. Who wants their parents coming with them on their date? Other than financial reasons I’m gonna pass on that one.

Hitting 18.

At the time, 18 truly felt like we were adulting. We were now legally able to purchase tobacco products, lottery tickets, vote and register for the draft. Old enough to be a high school senior but not quite old enough to be in college. Most of my classmates had jobs after school to fund their lifestyles.

I wasn’t one of the people who worked a full time job during high school. Between sports over the summer and some minor work for money, I was pretty busy. After graduation I worked before my first year of college. Some of my college classmates did not work after high school and instead travelled and toured the country on their parents’ dime.

My first job was on the second shift at recycling processing facility. I did a lot of grunt work that involved shoveling dirt and running material handling equipment. It was a dirty job for sure, but I learned valuable life lessons. Some of which are “how to work hard” and “why college can be beneficial.” I learned one very valuable lesson that I learned quickly.

“I want to go to and finish college so I don’t have to do this job again.”
Jacob Brown

Growing to 21.

Becoming 21 gave a whole new set of responsibilities. For one, we were now able to legally purchase alcohol. I was in my junior year of undergrad when I turned 21, and had been married for a few months. I attended a college that prohibited the consumption of alcohol for athletes which was fine. I never really had an interest in taking up drinking.

When I was 21 I was paying for most everything needed to live. College finances are difficult because in order to live a person needs money. In order to have money a job is needed. In order to have a job there has to be time. College athletes may have more trouble than other students because of practice and competitions. Working during the summer only provides so much, which makes it more crucial to stick to a budget. Being a college athlete was my job as I was on a scholarship.

Reaching 26.

For my 26th birthday gift, I was kicked out of my parents health insurance. Not because they wanted me gone, but they could not legally supply it to me. Now I pay for my own health insurance and all other aspects of my life. My wife is still on her parents insurance as she is 25, but soon we will both be independent fending for ourselves.

If there is potential for parents to pay for nearly everything in their child’s life until they are 26, does that make them an adult at that time?

When are we adults?

I have felt more like a true adult lately than ever in my life. Reaching the age of 26 has a new milestone when comparing to previous ages. I have now been presented with the opportunity to be independent and pay for all of my bills and expenses. My wife is pregnant with our first child. She is doing an amazing job taking care of the baby and working hard in medical school. We are getting close to the end of school and she will become a doctor soon, which will present us with more adventures in 2022.

Becoming 26 has truly challenged me to become more of a man and take on responsibilities of life. I feel that I am doing well so far but may need a few more years to practice adulting. It seems that becoming a lifelong learner is not that hard and is a requirement for surviving in this crazy world.

No matter the age I have achieved, my previous years seems more childlike than where I am at today. When I turned 16, I felt as if I was an adult. When I turned 18 looking back on 16, I was just a child. At the time of turning 18 I felt like an adult, but looked more like a child after I turned 21. So what age do we become full fledged adults? It currently feels like 26, but it may take a little more time to pin it down.

City Living: Something I Have Grown Not to Hate

August 12, 2021 / Jacob Brown

For those that know me, I am somewhat an avid outdoorsman. I enjoy spending time looking out over green fields feeling the wind on my face. I enjoy the smell of a fresh breeze with rain approaching from the horizon. It’s relaxing to find the silence that lurks on land full of trees and creeks.

I first moved to a city during college. I started out living in a duplex, sharing a space with my older brother. Living in town during undergrad wasn’t a big deal because I was only 45 minutes from my parents’ house. The importance of my parents’ house (other than seeing my family) was it was where I went to hunt and escape from the restrictions of town. It was important to me that every fall and winter I could take some time during the weekend to enjoy nature. Most of the enjoyment for me involved sitting in a discrete location, watching the sun lift itself above or dissipate beyond the trees. There is a peacefulness to me that is only found in nature.

In early fall the woods feels more full of life than any time of year. The croaking of frogs, the calls of songbirds and buzzing of insects fill the air. A calmness and tranquility lives among the crickets that roar to life as the sun sets. Owls swoop low in the trees on the hunt for prey. A nearly silent predator with just a gentle wisp from its wings glides from tree to tree. It’s hard to describe their silence as they glide. A paper airplane is something that comes to mind. A gentle swoop with a soft landing, only making noise when they choose. A nearly invisible bird that is most easily spotted when they let out a “hoot” or their silhouette.

City Civility

Most of the city scape is removed from an apparent wilderness. A lack of an unimpeded view of nature that is clogged with buildings and vehicles. Few spaces exist where nature can thrive without the hands of humans intervening in its beauty.

Not everything touched by humans turns to gold, but some of it is unique and special. A city park or slow flowing river offers citizens an escape from a concrete jungle. An opportunity is presented for running, hiking and biking. There are pockets where people can take to the water to paddle their way into a daylong adventure. The chance may even present itself for a meal, pulled from the water that gives life to everything in the area.

A past railway has evolved into a highway for those who prefer to travel on sweat and tears (in a good way). We are experiencing a regression from a bustling Industrial Age to a nature focused city environment. These long and narrow paths allow traveling great distances avoiding cars, traffic and the roar of city streets.

The Advantages of the City

Restaurants
1. Most restaurants are located in cities, living in the city makes them much closer.
2. The diversity in restaurants is far greater when compared to a small town.
Gas stations
1. I never have to drive a far distance to fill up my car or fetch fuel for my mower. It’s easy and doesn’t take much time.
2. Fuel tends to be cheaper than a station on a major highway or road.
Cost of Living
1. Living in the city costs less than the country. My wife and I don’t have as much upkeep costs either. We are able to allocate extra money for other fun hobbies and savings.
2. We don’t have a large yard or landscaping, which costs less to maintain.
Distance to Friends
1. Most of our friends live in the city. Living near them makes it easier to hang out or go somewhere together.
2. We can travel on interstate highways to get to friends homes or out of state faster.
The Mailbox
1. Our mailbox is attached to our house.
2. This is not common when living in the country and may require getting wet or cold to get the Mail.
Metroparks
1. My wife and I have enjoyed being close to parks.
2. Parks give a similar feel to being out in nature, which we enjoy.

Disadvantages

Hobbies
1. I have a hard time doing all my hobbies living in the city.
2. I enjoy hunting and fishing which means I have to drive further to find a spot.
Distance to Neighbors
1. Our neighbors are only 20 ft away from our door which gives us less privacy.
Space to Relax
1. We have a small yard and a view of other houses from our porch.
2. Having a better view from the house would be nice.
Restrictions
1. There are tasks I enjoy doing that can’t be done in my yard. As an example, I can’t build a bonfire as big as I want due to city restrictions.
Distance to family
1. We are currently living 2 hours from our family.
2. This isn’t really an issue with being in the city, but being in a different city/state.

When God Showed Us Another Door

August 8, 2021 / Aleena Brown

For many of us, our path through life feels like doors opening and closing. Sometimes we are hoping for a specific route to be open and we are faced with a closed door. Sometimes a new door appears and we are hesitant to take it. But what about when we already have decided to go down one path, through one door, when another door appears?

Many of you will know that not too long ago, I (Aleena) helped Jacob write a post announcing my decision to go into Obstetrics and Gynecology for my specialty. I was ready. I was prepared. I had my spreadsheets done and was ready to go down the application trail. This was 3 years in the making and I was fully committed to this path. And then God showed me another door.

My first thought was “why now?” Why wasn’t this door shown to me sooner? Why was this happening at the beginning of fourth year? Why now? My mom gave me a great answer to this question… “you weren’t ready for it.”

Have any of you been in this spot? A door was shown to you at (what you would consider) a difficult, unfortunate, weird, stressful time? But if that door would have opened sooner, you wouldn’t have given it the time of day, because you weren’t ready.

So, here’s how it happened. 😊

May 26th 5:45am, those two pink lines showed up. Our joy and excitement could barely be contained. We hugged and cried and celebrated because we were having a baby! And then, I got nervous. I found out so early, I was only 4 weeks pregnant. So we told our parents and kept it quiet.

As the weeks progressed, our anxieties started to lessen and I knew I needed to talk to the school. My due date was February 2nd and I needed a plan to finish medical school. I arranged a meeting with student affairs on June 9 to put a plan together. The administration was great! A plan was put together and I was ready to take on fourth year with the intent of finishing at the end of January and having a maternity leave.

Before I left the office the director looked at me and asked “have you considered dual applying?” … What?

Dual applying is the process of applying for two different types of specialties for residency with the understanding that you’ll end up in one of them. This was never something I had planned on. Why was he asking me this? He mentioned a couple programs including Family Medicine with a focus in obstetrics. My mind was whirling and I told him I would look into it. Now mind you, I was 2 days away from taking Step 2. This wasn’t the time to have a complete change in the plan. So I tucked that information in the back of my mind and moved forward.

June 11th – this was the day I took Step 2. I was prepared and ready… for it to be over. This was the last big exam of medical school! The day went by slowly, but also rather quickly. Jacob and I celebrated that night for both taking Step 2 and our 5 year anniversary. A quick glimpse into the future would show us celebrating a passing score that was higher than I expected! I was feeling thankful and proud of myself for the work I put in and the improvement this score showed.

June 21st. I had just finished my first day of my acting internship in Maternal Fetal Medicine. My Attendings were amazing and the cases were interesting. My OBGYN advisor was one of the attending physicians I was working with. I sat down in his office and asked if I could ask an advising question. I told him about my meeting with student affairs and asked “what are your thoughts on dual applying?” He took a second to think before telling me it didn’t seem like a bad idea. We talked for a while about how the perception around dual applying has changed and that based on my test scores, resume, and experiences, this could be a good thing for me. Then he said, “You know, we’ve talked a few times and I know some of your values and goals that are shaping what you want your attending life to look like. Have you considered family medicine with an obstetrics focus?” … funny you should mention it. I left his office feeling better, but asking the question “what does this mean?” Why did I have two advisors asking me the same question?

June 22nd. I had just finished rounding with my second attending on maternal-fetal medicine when he asked “so, why OB/GYN?” So I gave him my whys. I told him that I liked the diversity in care. I loved working with women. I wanted longitudinal care. I wanted to be involved in the big moments. I wanted to provide women’s health in the rural communities. I told him what I could see my future looking like. He nodded along and took a few seconds to think. He turned to me and asked, “have you considered Family Medicine with an OB focus?”

This wasn’t a coincidence anymore. I just kind of chuckled and said, “I think I’ll look into that.”

So I did. I spent days researching Family medicine residencies. I looked to see what they offered and what I could be trained in. I set up meetings to talk with some family physicians in my life to learn about their decision to pursue family med. I talked with Jacob, Mom, Dad, Christi, and Brian. And then I spent time thinking about my core values. What did I want my life as a physician to look like?

I want to be a great wife. I want to be a great mom. I want to be a great doctor. I want to live and work in a rural area. I want to provide care for a community similar to the ones that poured into me when I was growing up. I want to be a part of a community that will love my family. I want to help bring women’s health to areas that may not have the best access. I want to provide longitudinal care. I want to know my patients well and be there for all of the big changes in life. I want diversity in my work. I want to work with people of all ages. I want to do some procedures and I want time to counsel and teach patients. And at the end of the day, I want to go home and enjoy my family. I want to take my kids fishing, go camping, explore some cities and state parks. I want to have Sunday brunch with my family after church. Being a physician is important, but being present with my family and enjoying my life outside of work is even more important. Can I do all this as an OB/GYN? Probably. But when I look at what matters to me and the work I want to do… Family medicine with a focus on rural and women’s health is the better decision for me.

When God showed me another door, I hesitantly opened it to see what could be and I found myself falling in love with medicine and becoming a doctor all over again. When I really dug deep to figure out what I really wanted to do, I found I wanted to be a primary care physician for the rural population in northern Indiana or northwest Ohio, providing care that they need!

And that’s how it happened. In a span of 3 weeks, I completely changed what my future would look like and I am so excited to watch it unfold. If there is anything I want you to get from my story it’s this…

God will use people in your life to get your attention! Pay attention and listen. There are big things at work in your life!
When God shows you another door, take a peak! You may find that there is a completely different path that is perfect for you that you didn’t consider before.
Change can be really good! Be open to new doors and do your research!

A Life of Senioritis

August 5, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Wikipedia defines Senioritis as: a supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a decline in motivation or performance. (Since Senioritis isn’t a real word, Webster’s couldn’t be used for reference)

Well let me tell you that the use of “supposed” is way out in left field. Senioritis is one of the few diseases with lots of symptoms but is difficult to diagnose. For those who have been to high school, this is real. For those who have gone through college know that Senioritis is real. And above all, those who are working to become doctors know that this is real! I applaud my wife often for her persistence in wanting to become a doctor.

My wife is in her fourth year now, which has many changes from third year. She doesn’t go to a physical classroom, but has some online classes. Most of the work involving fourth year students is in a hospital or clinic setting, where they learn more hands-on. My wife sees patients on a regular basis, which is much different than learning from textbooks.

One characteristic of a fourth year medical student that tends not to be found in first year students is Senioritis. I remember when my wife and I were in high school during our senior year. Both of us just wanted it to end so that we could get on with the next phase of our lives. We encountered the same circumstances toward the end of Undergrad. We were looking forward to the time when we would venture to Toledo for her to become an MD.

My Perspective

If I were in her shoes, I would want to get out about now. She has completed elementary, middle, and high school. Then went on to college and is about to complete graduate school. To track time we can figure that K-12 is 13 years, undergrad is 4 years and medical school is 4 years. That means that this spring she will have spent 21 years of her life working to become a doctor in schooling. That’s so much! I thought that ending after undergrad was plenty for myself.

She has felt the strain of being in education for so long, but has been strong and pressed on to reach her goal of becoming an MD. For me, completing a 4 year degree after grade school was plenty. School isn’t my favorite thing and I’m sure others feel the same. We are excitedly looking forward to the next steps in her education and our lives.

Senioritis tends to be negative but there are positive attributes that can make it beneficial for people. Longing and striving to reach goals is important for health in our lives. A challenge too great could result in failure, but how do we know that we have given it our all? It is difficult to know when we have given too much or too little. Something to keep in mind is to strive to avoid burnout and maintain motivation.

How We Manage

Experiencing Senioritis can make us stronger and more comfortable with being uncomfortable. It is difficult for us to become stronger, better, or more efficient without being challenged. I think one of the greatest remedies is motivation from those around the student. If you’ve ever tried doing things that make you uncomfortable and unmotivated by yourself, it’s not easy. I still tell myself (nearly) every day that I’m going to workout when I get home, but haven’t been consistent in participating. It’s not that I don’t want to do it, but it’s difficult to self motivate after a long day at work.

I choose to rally behind my wife through being vocal with her because my wife’s love language is “words of affirmation.” I have used this as the primary means of motivating her throughout medical school. I make the effort to tell her on a regular basis that I think she is doing a great job. Our families send her messages before tests and are eager to hear the results when she is done. We (our families) set out to encourage each other in each other’s lives.

Working through hardships of school and being anxious for the next steps of life has been a constant battle. It is normal to feel this way. I don’t think that it’s something that we can totally get over, but we can do our best to keep pressing on.

The Marriage Scorecard

June 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

For whatever reason, one of my least favorite sayings when it comes to marriage is “yes dear.” It’s popular that husbands give this as advice for newlyweds on how to have a good marriage. I don’t disagree that there are times to just go with the flow and agree with my wife. There are plenty of times that I go with the flow and agree with her. I disagree that the #1 most important thing a husband can do in marriage is go with the flow. There is more to having a good marriage (happy and prosperous) than just saying “yes dear.”

Perhaps there is an association between “yes dear” and “happy wife, happy life.” Having a happy wife is extremely important in marriage. One of our duties as husbands is to help our wives. It is important to help our wives achieve their goals and get where they want to be in life. One key point that I think is forgotten when stating “happy wife, happy life” is our own happiness as husbands. There are times where what we need to do for the benefit of our marriage isn’t fun, but we should strive not to sacrifice our happiness for the sake of our spouse’s. We are a team working together for a common goal, and if one of us benefits at the demise of the other, I think we are losing. On the other side of the equation, the goal of the wife should not be to demand work and things from the husband at his expense.

As an example of this, if we spend all of our money (our collective income) and time doing things to please our wives it can have a negative effect on our relationship. The way that it can have a negative effect is IF our wives don’t show gratitude or appreciation for our efforts. I enjoy doing things for my wife that make her happy, but there is a limit to where it can become work. I don’t work for my wife but do things I want to do so that she can achieve her goals. We are joined in marriage to be a team, not a master and servant. I enjoy doing things for her to make her happy.

Giving = Happiness

From my perspective, marriage is a balance. There is give and take, but if there is not give from both sides, the balance becomes shaky. I’m not saying that there is equal give and take because that’s not true. I believe that in a marriage we give without keeping score because we will never be even. Just to reiterate that idea, we will NEVER be even. If we keep score, we will more than likely be upset with how much our spouse contributes. It appears to be better to strive for goals together without keeping score because in the end we are in this together.

We can see this same concept when looking at all concepts of our relationship. If we focus on what we are owed, we will never be satisfied. The reason that we jump into marriage is not because there is something in it for us, but what we can accomplish together. There are advantages to being married that can primarily relate to one of us, but they are not the main focus.

“Yes Dear”

I find it more useful at times to instead of say “yes dear”, to say “why dear.” Instead of just getting to know what my wife wants or needs, I can further learn about her. Maybe she wants a cookie or to go out with her friends. If I just said “yes dear” I could be missing out on conversation or a moment to deepen my relationship with my wife. I like to use the times where we want or need something from our spouse as a time to grow our relationship, instead of just being a complying husband. I am a complying husband (at least I try to be) most of time, but I enjoy knowing why my wife may want certain things.

I don’t ask “why” because I don’t trust my wife. I ask because there’s a reason why we ask each other questions or have requests. I ask my wife all the time if I can buy things for hunting and fishing expecting her to ask why I need to buy it. She knows more about why I own things than other people because we ask questions. If I were to tell her, “Hey, I’m going to buy these fishing rods” I would expect her to ask why I need them. The amount of money that will go into that venture could or will change our finances. Our finances affect both of us, so she has the right to know.

So go out there and ask your spouse questions. Find out why, where, and when. Ask them what their aspirations are in life and what they dream of doing. Deepen your relationship and work together to help each other achieve their goals. Don’t let the conversation end with “yes dear.”