Category: Life Supporting a Medical Student (Page 2 of 5)

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A Motherly Moment I Will Never Forget

May 12, 2021 / Jacob Brown

This past weekend I was able to spend time with my mother and show her that I appreciate her. I make regular trips back to Indiana with my wife, so I see her often, but Mother’s Day is a more specific day to show our appreciation. There have been many times that I made the trip back to Indiana to see my parents specifically. Being further from home than before (during undergrad) has made the dynamic of our relationship change. I’d like to think that we depend on them less now that we are further away, but I’m not so sure that change has really happened at this time. I feel like we all need our parents and the role of being a mother or father never truly ends.

I have the greatest Mother. You may be thinking that you have the greatest mother, but that just can’t be true (unless you are one of my 5 siblings). My mother is the strongest woman that has influenced my life and I am very grateful. The primary reason that I have the best mother is that she has given so much effort to make sure we are happy (and fed). Obviously, part of my reasoning was going to revolve around food. Looking back now, I can see that she did a lot more for me than I thought at the time. We tend not to see the true effort that someone puts into us until later.

My parents have dedicated a lot of time and energy to us to make sure that we will succeed in life. Our parents teach us nearly everything while we are growing up. I tend to share a lot of the same interests of my mom, which may be why we enjoy spending so much time together. I like cooking and doing projects with her, but I haven’t been able to do as much since moving to Ohio. She is a great baker and nearly always has cooking lying for snacks.

A Short Story

When I was in elementary school, I was an amazing student. Probably. I’m not really sure since my favorite subject was recess and I usually waited all morning for lunch time. Maybe I was actually the stereotypical grade-schooler playing kickball at recess, forgetting to do their homework, and doing nearly anything for candy.

My mom put in the effort to drive us to school everyday instead of taking the bus. Taking the bus would have resulted in a long ride and leaving home very early. It would also have resulted in getting home later, so my parents decided that they would take us to school. I greatly enjoyed being dropped off by my mom and having her pick me up from school. It was way more fun to finish my last class and run out of the school looking for my parents’ blue van instead of being packed into a school bus.

I feel like I never made it easy on my mom, though she was putting out the extra effort to help us. One of the most common strains I (and my siblings) put on her was forgetting something at home on our way to school. I would typically forget my agenda at home and sometimes my entire backpack! I must have been carrying it around, got distracted and put it down somewhere I couldn’t remember.

My typical scenario would be as follows:

Mom: Get in the van and don’t forget your backpack.

Me: Okay!

Arrives at school

Mom: Have a good day! Do you have all of your stuff?

Me: Ahh! I forgot my backpack.

Mom: *sighs* I will go get it and drop it off at the principals office for you.

Me: Thanks!

Mom flies home to grab backpack so I don’t fail 2nd grade. Returns to school with lightning speed.

I would then sit in class and wait for the principal’s office to call my teacher so I could go get my backpack with all my school stuff inside. As an upside, we only lived about 10 minutes from the school but this put a lot more strain on my mom. I never heard her complain about any of these shenanigans with us forgetting our school stuff at home, just a reminder every time not to forget so she didn’t have to drop it off for us.

Thank You

Thank you Mama for everything that you have done for us. I really appreciate you and someday might be able to pay you back for all the round trips bringing me my backpack. Until I figure out how to ever make it even, I will have to just say thank you, Happy Mothers Day and soon birthday.

Stealing a Precious Moment in Time

April 13, 2021 / Jacob Brown

My wife and I wanted to capture more of our lives which resulted in purchasing a camera just before last Christmas. I made a post a while back on what we were going to purchase, but I haven’t taken the time to put together a summary of how we are enjoying ourselves. We have been able to secure taking photos of my friends and family which has offered good practice. It has taken some time to get good practice, but we are getting closer to feeling comfortable taking photos for others. Taking photos for others is one of my goals in this venture, but there is a lot of practice required before feeling comfortable. I don’t want to take photos of someone just to have all of the photos be bad or have some sort of flaw. This is probably one of my greatest fears in photography!

My Brief Analysis

I’m not going to write a review of the camera that we purchased because there are plenty on the internet. I have not experienced the camera long enough to write a strong detailed review, but maybe someday. We made the decision to purchase a Sony Mirrorless camera. Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t purchase the tried and true DSLR. The reason we did not purchase a DSLR is… there really isn’t a reason against the DSLR. We purchased a mirrorless camera in part because it is newer technology but I also thought that it would be fun to try. I know people with DSLR cameras and I thought it would be fun to try something different. The biggest difference that I have seen between it and a DSLR, is having a screen inside the viewfinder. This has been very nice and seems to have made taking photos easier than with a DSLR. The quality that we have gotten from the camera is very high. I think that a lot of the photos we’ve taken are professional quality. I have found that if I want to take easy photos, I can set it up to be just as easy as a smartphone.

Having the ability to manual focus has been new as well. I have not had the option and it is not a standard feature on smartphones. I have enjoyed getting to pick our point of focus and created more depth in our photos. My wife enjoys taking photos in this fashion that have a lot of bokeh (focusing on an object with lots of blur in the surround objects). I like taking control of the camera and making all of the setting myself even though the camera is pretty smart.

I would say that overall my experience with the Sony Mirrorless camera has been very good. It has only been about 5 months, but it seems that its only getting better.

My Photography Goals

One of my main goals while taking up photography is to capture more of our lives. It can be difficult to take things or materialistic items with us due to being in medical school, but we can take thousands and thousands of photos without much trouble. We are hoping to detail our lives for our own sake so that we can someday share our memories with our families. I have found that most people lost the art of the scrap book, but we want to keep files of our photos in a similar fashion.

After getting good at taking photos I would like to venture out to help others experience the joy of seeing a moment from their lives. It’s not an easy task (capturing a moment from someone’s life in a photo) but it is something that I would like to strive to achieve. My wife is in medical school which makes her pretty busy. I am reaching out to find new hobbies and challenges to fill my time that can also carry over to when my wife becomes a practicing doctor. I am hoping that photography will become a lifelong hobby that we can enjoy together.

Striving For the Job YOU Want

April 1, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Depending on your work situation, it can be hard to stay motivated. There are times where the amount of stress outweighs the apparent reward for all the effort. This is not an uncommon situation for people to fall into, especially when there is a lot of monotony in their work. To further explain this idea, I am going to give a situation that I have seen common to a lot of people that is a good example of this situation.

A Common Situation

Having the feeling of being trapped or in a stagnant state is not uncommon for those in the workforce. I have talked to quite a few people that have had this experience.

To better explain in a realistic scenario, let’s create a character named Hank. Hank works at his job as an accountant crunching numbers day-in and day-out for his boss. He works hard every day, but lately has felt that his work isn’t going as far as it was when he started. He feels like if he puts in 100% effort, he will receive the same amount of recognition as giving less effort. If he only pushes for 80% effort, he still gets all of his work done and does not make any mistakes. After working for his employer for 1 year, putting out all of his effort, he has felt less motivated to push for 100%, and settles for 80% effort. Hank was hoping for a raise by now but has not received what he was hoping to receive from this job. After reaching the 1 year mark, Hank falls into the habit of only giving 80% effort for his work.

As Hank approaches his second year of working for his employer, he is still upset that he has not received as much money as he thinks he deserves for his work. Hank decides to meet with his manager to discuss his current work situation. Hank explains to his manager that he is not getting paid enough at his job and would like more money in order to give more effort. He explains to his manager that he is in a rut and does not feel that his work is very appreciated though he does everything correctly.

Some Analysis

In order to arrive at some possible resolutions, I find it useful to look at possible causes for Hank landing in this situation. Let’s gather some of the facts.

Hank…

gave 100% effort for 1 year at his job.
was hoping for a raise after working for his employer for 1 year.
decided to give 80% effort because he did not feel that his work what worth his effort.
decided to meet with his manager to voice his opinion on not getting a raise.

I think that the first point #1 Hank is doing exactly what he should be doing. That being said, when Hank made the decision to set a price on his effort and reduce his effort the real trouble began. Incidentally, when people take themselves out of the 100% effort output and decide that the reward is not great enough for the input, they dig themselves a hole. When Hank decided to stop putting out all of his effort, he made his chances of a raise nearly 0%. Employers want to see that he is working hard and lately has not. When he approaches his manager and demands more money for his effort, it is a hard sell. Why would an employer pay more money when someone will not give all of their effort? This exact situation is why I like to use the method of “work for the job you want, not what you have.”

It’s not easy, that’s for sure. If we end up in a situation like Hank, putting out all of our effort without an apparent reward, we can feel unmotivated. If we work our hardest and do not receive a raise or reward for our work, it is ok to talk to our employer. The one main point that I would like to make about this is making sure that we are at the highest point we can work toward. If we slack off our work or decide to stop working as hard, how can an employer expect us to work harder if they pay more? It is safer for them to invest into their employees if they are showing that they are willing to go the extra mile. There is another side of this scenario where the employees will never receive a raise or bonus, but it is not as common as you may think.

The Resolution

There may be more resolutions, but following are some that I have recommended to people or have thought are good solutions. Following are some different options that I can see in this situation, but the main thing for me is work hard. Work hard and strive for something greater than what we are being paid to do. That doesn’t mean that we impede on our coworkers and try to take their work in order to make ourselves look good.

Hank should:

continue to work at 100% effort before talking to his manager. Work for the job that he wants, not what he has. His chances of getting what he wants or needs from his employer would have been much easier if he spoke with his manager when the motivational issues began.
talk to his employer if there is anything that he needs to do in order to achieve his own goals.
find a new job if there is no resolution to his situation.

When is it time for me to turn down a different road?

February 25, 2021 / Jacob Brown

It can be hard to tell when a losing battle should be put to rest. There are times in all of our lives when things seem to go another direction, different from what we want. I feel as if I have been fortunate enough to avoid these situations lately, but they seem to lurk around waiting to get us to commit to them.

Some different times of life that come to mind might be college, medical school, jobs, and friendships. All of these things require dedication and persistence. There may come a time in any of these situation where we may choose to take a loss and get out while we can. It’s not a fun time by any means, but there are situations where it is necessary.

So, how can we tell when it is time to quit? This is not an easy question to answer. I don’t think that there is a definite answer either. Our current situation is important when considering leaving and cutting ties. I have found a similarity between most decisions that I choose to end. The main commonality is a “dead end” that lies ahead. If we have a dead end that doesn’t allow advancement, it may be time to leave. That doesn’t mean that when college is hard we quit, but we need to make sure that we see further ahead than the moment we are experiencing. Medical school has been difficult for my wife, but she has so much more in store for her after she graduates. If we have friends that never consider our interests we can feel like ending relationships.

You have to be the one to justify the situation when quitting. This is extremely important as we can’t go back to the way things were before most of the time.

A Recent Hard Decision Made

Almost 2 years ago I made the decision to leave my job and move on to a better opportunity. I was working at a decent job, but my time there had come to an end. I was hired to set up the facility and as it came to a close I began to search for my next challenge.

Leaving my previous role wasn’t super easy for me. One of the main reasons that I didn’t want to leave was because I worked with my dad. To partake in medical school we moved to Toledo (almost 2 hours from home). The distance from our families has made it more difficult to see them. We get to see them fairly regularly, but seeing my dad on weekdays was a lot of fun.

Another reason I didn’t want to leave was because I enjoyed my job. This was my first job out of college which also made it important to me. This was the first time I was part of a company and had a lot of fun but when the time came I left for a better opportunity.

Leaving was hard for me, but my new job has been 100 times better for me and my career. I have more responsibilities which brings some more stress, but also more joy. I tend to have more interest and pride in what I am doing as well.

I work longer hours at my new job, but I make more money. We have been able to do more when it comes to funding medical school now than before. I have also been able to better fund retirement, loan payments, and hobbies.

I left all my work friends, but I have made new. I work with some great people and would not have met them if I didn’t leave my previous job.

I worked in a good environment, but now it is even better. The people that run the company I work at aren’t perfect. That being said, they work hard to keep it all running. The main reason we are there is to make money and they do their best to make that happen.

My Final Thought

Life is hard. Making decisions is hard. We (collectively) are not very good at making decisions. I urge you to look ahead down the road and make the best decisions possible. It’s not easy but it will take you for an interesting ride.

How have I spent the last 10 years with the same lady!?!?

February 17, 2021 / Jacob Brown

It was back in August of 2010 that I met my wife. At the time, I made the effort to offer my assistance on her schoolwork and homework though it wasn’t needed. I had lower grades than her (and she is smarter than me) so she didn’t really need my help. I like to think that my incessant and possibly annoying persistence was the key to winning her over.

We didn’t officially start dating until I turned 16, but we decided that we were going to date at that time on February 12, 2011. Dating at age 16 was a rule set by my parents and I think I will continue this for my children. What’s the point of dating if the child can’t drive themselves anyway?

My wife has been an amazing addition into my life. She contributes so much to help us prepare for the future. This includes how we spend money and life choices she makes with school. I definitely don’t know where I would be in life without her.

Following are some things I have learned after dating and being married to her. They are not in a particular order, but all are important. It would be interesting to see what others have learned during their marriage or dating life if it has been as long.

What have I learned in the past 10 years?

Be Patient. This is something that most relationships have realized. There are a lot of times where we are waiting on each other patiently, our relationship could be difficult. Being patient also includes life goals that have been set together. In my case, after I knew that I wanted to marry my wife, I had to wait longer than anticipated to get married. Having to wait doesn’t mean that it is a time to bail, but learn. Learning to be patient is hard and a relationship with our significant other or spouse can help us learn first hand.
Do what she enjoys. I learned long ago that my wife had different interests than me. She enjoys reading books about 10,000 times more than me. I can’t remember the last book I read, but I know for a fact that it was not for pleasure! I just don’t enjoy sitting down and reading books, but she does. I have made the effort over the years to sit with her and accompany her while she reads through adventures. She will curl up next to me on the couch and read for hours while I browse on my phone or watching tv. She enjoys my company and I enjoy making her happy.
Date your wife. This is something I have heard quite a bit from older generations. I have found it useful in keeping our relationship feeling young. I know that being married nearly 5 years isn’t long, but plenty of marriages don’t make it this far. Dating your wife (going out together) gives the feeling that you are continuing to pursue her and makes her feel wanted.
Do your hobbies. It is fun to have another person around, but it is important to continue what you want to do. You need to be yourself while being in a relationship. I have found that my spouse enhances and adds to the joy of my life. It is important for me to continue my hobbies and what made me happy before getting married. Not all hobbies qualify, but the hobbies that are important that fit into my relationship with my wife.
Listen to what she thinks about. Sometimes it can feel like I can’t relate to the topics that my wife wants to talk about, but it is important that I listen. Not only does it make her happy to talk to somebody, but I feel that I learn about her while she speaks her mind. This is an opportunity for me to learn what she thinks about and what is important to her. I am always learning and hope that this will continue as we grow old together.
Give her what she needs. This might be one of the hardest tasks because it takes time to decipher between NEEDS and WANTS. I know that some of you may be thinking “if she says she needs it then she needs it,” but I have found that she needs the unspoken items more than those she vocalizes.
Ask what she wants to do. It is important for my wife to feel wanted and needed in our life together. It is crucial for me to ask what she wants to do even when we end up participating in a different activity. This can be asking what she wants for dinner or how she would like to spend the weekend. I find that if we don’t ask then try activities that each of us are interested in, it can be hard to learn about each other. There are things that she may want to try that I haven’t ever considered and may enjoy. Our goal of being married is to work together and it would be difficult with only one mind dishing out ideas.
Make her feel important because she is. Learning the love language of your spouse is key to productive communication. My wife’s love language is “Words of Affirmation” which means that how I speak to her goes a long way. My words carry a lot of weight both positive and negative. I make the effort to tell her that I love her and that she looks beautiful on a regular basis. I also try to weigh in on decisions when she asks me about life choices or clothes. She enjoys when I pick out her clothes because she wants to be dressed in something I like, and know that I like what she’s wearing.
Work together to achieve your goals. I am a firm believer that we were put on Earth to work together to glorify the kingdom of God. This is not an easy or simple task. We (as husbands) are made to build up our wives and our wives are made to support us. It is hard to work together all the time because we have different ideas. I have found it most productive to talk through our own life goals and work with each other to achieve them. We should not be giving up our happiness in order to give happiness to our spouse. We are in each other’s lives to enhance, not detract.
Lead. Leading in our relationship is my job and it has benefits for my wife. Leading doesn’t mean that I make all of the decisions (though that seems to be how it is interpreted). I work to lead our relationship and help my wife to achieve her goals. She is currently in medical school which involves a lot of her time devoted to studying and learning. I have taken it upon myself to earn money so that she can get through school. Leading is difficult as it also makes me responsible for failures. I feel that this takes some weight off of my wife and helps her in school and life.

The Future

Every relationship is different. I’m sure that you (the reader) have found similarities and differences between your relationship and mine. Marriage has brought together two different people to work together in a new way. I have given up some things, she has given up some things, and together we have made a life that is ours. It really doesn’t feel like 10 years together! At almost 5 years married, I think we are off to a good start at getting to know each other.

The Language of Love

February 3, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Our love language is how we express and experience love. There are 5 love languages (check out the book by Gary Chapman). Everyone receives and expresses love differently. How we choose and are made to communicate with others makes us unique. Everyone doesn’t show affection the same and it is important to understand others, as well as ourselves. Having a better understanding will make it easier to communicate with others. Knowing how those close to you experience love can also help build and nurture a relationship.

In my relationship with my wife, I tend to be the less exciting member (from my perspective). I think that my wife gives an outward appearance of having more energy and excitement than I do. I have found this to cause a learning opportunity for myself. She enjoys celebrating and dancing, while I tend to just relax and perform tasks quietly. As I said above, I am pretty sure that I am the boring one.

The Evaluation

From the mind of Gary Chapman, we have 5 love languages. All of them fit somewhere in our lives and some of them are more important to us than others. On his site, there is a quiz to help you understand the values that we have on our love languages and how we display them.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Gifts
Touch

If you have not seen this before, I urge you to look into his book and read up on them. Learning more about yourself gives you a better understanding in relationship communication. I have found that learning more about myself helps me to apply myself more productively in my relationships. It’s not an easy task, but you will learn more as you take the quiz and look into yourself.

I am the type of person that feels appreciation through Gifts. If I do work for somebody or have an accomplishment, I tend to feel more appreciation from others with a gift than any of the other categories. This doesn’t mean that I feel nothing from the others, but they tend not to be as impactful.

My wife is the type of person that feels the most appreciation and love through Words of Affirmation. She enjoys Acts of Service quite a bit, but giving her encouraging words or telling her than I am proud of her is more impactful. Cleaning our house or doing laundry tends to be my choice for performing Acts of Service. Something important to consider when looking at your Love Language is we tend to convey outward what we want to receive. As an example, I tend to feel like I am showing the most appreciation and love toward others when I give gifts. My wife tends to give me Words of Affirmation when she thinks I am doing a good job.

The Challenge

Since my wife’s primary love language is Words and Affirmation, it can be hard for me to convey to her what she needs in our relationship. Words of Affirmation is at the bottom of my list, so I have to work at it in our relationship. It’s not easy to convey love in a way that our mind thinks is not as important or impactful to ourselves. I have found this to be the hardest part of communicating love and appreciation to my wife.

I urge you to follow the link above and take the quiz. If nothing else, it will spark a good conversation between you and your significant other. Maybe you will learn something that will help you to communicate and build a better relationship.

A Letter of Appreciation

January 27, 2021 / Jacob Brown

I am surely not alone when I say that when I was young I was more interested in the cash than the card. Most of the birthday cards I received were quickly discarded after seeing who it was from for the $10 tucked within the folded paper. My mom would (and still does) ask who the card was from to encourage us to read what it says and worry about the money or other gift secondly.

I find that this was a productive practice. We (my siblings) were taught to focus on the more meaningful part of a gift instead of the materialistic portion. I have found that this influenced me in a positive direction when I was younger and today. A handwritten card is more than just a piece of paper. It is a statement from the writer to the recipient that gives light into their lives and reveals a little bit of themself. I have found that heartfelt notes have much more impact than pre-made cards that can be found at the store.

The Mindset

Yesterday I was looking at some of the wedding invitations hanging on my fridge and had a realization. When I was young, about 10 years old, I didn’t care much for the content of the card and was more fixated on the gift that came with it. The card seemed to be just words, and holding onto the card for remembrance of an event seemed silly. I usually took any money and bought things like toys, candy, or pop. The card was just a vessel to carry the money and after it was empty it was tossed out.

I have come to the conclusion that I have either been programmed by my parents to enjoy cards or I have grown to enjoy getting a cards now at 25. The most recent cards that hit home are “Thank You” cards from weddings. Giving gifts to newlyweds is standard procedure, along with sending out “Thank You” cards. Though that is the case, I find myself having a deeper appreciation for the thought from the sender.

When my wife and I were wed back in 2016, we sent out thank you cards to those who attended or gave us gifts. For those who have done this, it can feel like a drag but is necessary to complete. We took the time to write each card by hand and sign them so that they were more heartfelt than a standard pre-made card. This is the style of “Thank You” that I received recently from our recently hitched friends.

As I have gotten older I have grown to appreciate “thank you” a lot more. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but it seems to be more important to me now than when I was younger. I work hard at my job, my marriage and friendships, and I greatly appreciate when others feel that they should retaliate with kindness. It isn’t easy trying to fit everything into our lives that we would like to accomplish. Having those around us feel that they need to tell us that they are thankful is powerful.

In Reality

Though I am not able to write notes to everyone who helps me, I appreciate everything they do. I am thankful for the times that we have fallen or seem to be on our way down and people jump in to help us without being asked. I am thankful for friends that want to spend time with me and my wife. It would be a little bit silly to write a “thank you” card to everyone in my life that makes me feel grateful, but they deserve it.

I think it is important for us to tell others that we appreciate them. In today’s society there are a lot of ways that we can send a message to people to give them information. We can send others a message on social media, text, email or call them. I don’t think that anything can replace the sincerity of a hand written note. So when someone writes one for you, don’t take it for granted. It’s more than just paper with ink.

Hard Task? Let’s Try Self Motivation

January 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

You may have noticed that I missed my typical posting day this past week. It’s not that I didn’t want to make a post, but some different things that have come up made me more busy and I didn’t have time to sit down and focus on writing a post.

Self motivation is one of the hardest things to achieve. Self motivation requires having the ability to push ourselves to complete a goal or task without having others assist. Something that comes to mind when I think of self motivation is sports. Though there is a coach for the team, the players have to make the decision to try as hard as they can in order to be successful. It’s not an easy task, especially when the task at hand is physically or mentally straining.

After retiring from organized sports, I have found myself in a lot of life situations that require self motivation. The biggest difference between these challenges and sports is the lack of coaching. For the most part, there are no coaches in life. Life is a game that is too hard to master, so there’s no coach at the helm that knows the skills and game plan required to win. Though there are a lack of coaches, there are people in the world and our lives that have achieved the same or similar goals that we are working toward. These people can be our allies and people we can rely on for guidance or answers.

A Recent Challenge

My basement remodel project is a recent challenge that has required a lot of self motivation. This project is extra and is not a necessity to live in our home, which has made it hard to be motivated to complete. The main goal of the project was to achieve a dry basement, and make a new space for us to hangout.

I started working in my basement October of 2019 and had the initial goal of completion by December 2019. Obviously, we are just a little outside of the original completion date seeing as it is January of 2021. It’s kind of funny that it has taken so long, but not really since I still can’t fully take advantage of the space.

I have reached the point in my project where I have a fully functioning bathroom and the main area is 99% complete. The tasks that I have left should not take very long, but I have said that before. I mainly work on the project after work for an hour or two which has also caused it to take longer than desired. This project has been a real challenge for me, but I can actually see the light as the end of the tunnel now.

Some Motivational Tips

I am not a self motivation master, but I have learned a few things over the years that I think could help others. I believe that if we have learned or figured something out that we need to share it with others because it may be useful for their journey. Here is a list of some do’s and don’ts on my self motivation journey.

Set a goal that is achievable.
Don’t set a goal that will be impossible to hit.
Challenge yourself when setting your goal. This may be setting a completion date or goal that will be hard to hit.
Don’t set a goal that is so far out of reach that you are unmotivated to reach for it.
Set lots of short term goals so that you can achieve in short strides. This will help with motivation and satisfaction in your work.
Don’t have one primary goal on a large project. As an example, I should not set my only goal to be remodel basement.
Find ways to reward yourself for achieving short term goals.
Don’t withhold all reward or satisfaction until the end of the goal.

If you have questions, reach out to those around you. There are other people that have gone through what you are or similar to what you are going through. Keep strong and push yourself because you may surprise yourself how far you can reach.

Failure – Let’s Talk About It.

January 20, 2021 / Aleena Brown

What if we talked about our failures.

What if we posted about them as much as our successes. What if you posted that picture where your makeup isn’t done… your hair isn’t styled. What if we could be a little more real with each other.

I had a conversation with a friend recently. We aren’t super close, but I try to be a person who will listen to anyone who needs a safe place.

I had chosen to sit by the windows for lunch. Seeing the trees outside keeps me calm in the craziness of the hospital. I could tell this student was a little flustered. I offered them a seat and to eat with me. They sat down and started talking. We talked about all sorts of stuff. The rotation we were on, what we were doing next. We talked about hobbies, specifically photography, and what we did in our little free time. We talked about the future. I talked about staying in the area. They talked about the uncertainty and deciding where to go next.

And then we talked about our worries. It doesn’t take long for medical students to talk about anxieties, stress, and worries. Between tests, assignments, evaluations, and applying for residency in the fall, there is a lot going on.

And then we talked about Step 1. I know I’ve talked about it before, but please hear me when I say that every single medical student deals with anxiety, stress, uncertainty, fear, and worry when it comes to this exam.

In the moment, I decided to be honest. Be real.

I told my colleague about my struggles with the exam. I told them about my burn out. I told them about being sick. I told them about the failed practice exams. I told them about the stress. And worry. And fear. And feeling inadequate. Feeling like a complete imposter. I told them that I went into that test ready to conquer it, but wondering if I could do it. If I would actually pass and get a score that would be enough to move forward. I used every last bit of fire left in me to pass that exam. But found myself coming up with plans B, C, D, E, and F if things turned out to be on the wrong side of the passing line (and my own line of what was acceptable).

And I passed. It worked out. Was it a happy ending? I guess it depends on your definition.

In the moment, I saw their shoulders drop just a little from their ears. I saw them relax just a little bit. A little bit of relief to hear that someone else had struggles. Someone else had worried and feared for the result and it turned out okay. And they mentioned it was good to hear about a journey that wasn’t all rainbows and perfect scores. I just kinda chuckled and realized most of us don’t have that journey. Let’s be honest, life isn’t all rainbows, pots of gold, or mountain tops. Life isn’t 100%s and 280 step scores. I’m so proud of my classmates who reached those high scores, but I’m also so so proud of my classmates who passed that exam! Who came out of there a little nervous and passed! Maybe just on the other side of that line. That is something to celebrate.

Why are we so hesitant to be real? To be honest? Why does it take so much effort and courage to talk about our actual life?

I realized a few years back that it was important for me to be open and honest with others. Our experiences can be helpful to those we cross paths with. We might not be walking on the exact same path, but we can still encounter the same obstacles. Your story could be the very thing your friends need to hear to know that they are not alone and they will make it. A simple conversation about the obstacles we face could be a turning point for those having lunch with us. It can bring hope and ease fears. Your story reminds others that they are not alone and someone else has been through this and survived.

What if we were more bold? More courageous? What if we took a leap of faith and were vulnerable? What if we could make an impact in only 20 minutes during lunch? What if we could bring some hope and light by saying “I’ve been there.”

And those conversations are amazing! To watch this person across from you realize that someone else understands. There’s a joy that comes with these conversations.

Life isn’t going to be all rainbows, pots of gold, and mountain tops. Let’s be real. Let’s meet others in the rain and in the valley. I see you. I’ve been there. Want a hand? It works out.

A Short Recap of 2020

January 14, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Obstacles in life give us opportunities to find ways to manage change. Our time spent in 2020 gave many different obstacles to cross and taught us many lessons. I wouldn’t say that 2020 was a great year for most people, but I think we can learn a lot from the events that influenced our lives and the medical student community.

January

January started off as a normal time for us. My wife was going to school regularly without any hiccups. I went to work without having to do anything special, like wear a mask, and partook in normal work activities. During this time my wife was approaching taking the Step 1 exam. Near the end of the month on January 21, 2020 the first COVID-19 case was reported in the United States by the CDC. At the time, we didn’t think it would cause such great repercussions in our lives, but we would soon find out the extent of the disruptions.

February

My wife was in the phase of school where she needed to start studying for Step 1 as I have said previously. For the most part, she could do her schooling from home so disruptions in the hospitals and school were not a problem for her learning. February was the time when the United States began to proactively react to COVID-19, which meant restrictions for gathering.

Medical school is different than most learning centers from what I have seen. Most of my wife’s classes are optional for attending in-person and a lot of students choose to learn from home. This is something that was established long before 2020 and I think has helped the students to continue their education through the Pandemic. At the tail end of February my wife finished M2 year and began her dedicated study time for Step 1. This created a lot of isolation for her preceding the isolation that was to come from COVID-19.

Fun fact: We celebrated 9 years together on Feb 12.

March

This was the month where social distancing began to really take hold of Ohio. The state started limiting group sizes which cut down on people’s movement and gatherings. This also began creating isolation for a lot of people. I had been fortunate enough at this time to continue working while my wife studied for Step 1.

My wife began isolation 6 weeks before her scheduled date for Step 1. She studied about 10-12 hours per day, 7 days per week during this time. As the date approached we were worried of date changes due to gathering limitations at the testing centers. Our fears became a reality near the end of March. Her date was cancelled in the middle of March. She was given the option to take it again 2 weeks later. This was the first time she changed her date.

April

My wife’s original test date for Step 1 was April 3. With limitations on group sizes testing centers began to cancel the students current opportunity for testing. My wife’s testing date was cancelled and ultimately was moved to a date about 6 more weeks out. We hoped that being 6 more weeks there would be a better flow or testing allow her to participate. She had changed her date about 4 times before getting it set to May 19.

Her test didn’t happen at this time either. Her new testing date was set for Oct 8. She made the decision May 1 to cancel her May date and take 2 weeks off before M3 year began. At this point, she had spent nearly 11 weeks by herself 12 hours a day.

May

My wife’s birthday is in May! We started taking day trips for fun so that we could spend more time together. Day trips are fun and the cost is fairly low, especially when compared to staying overnight somewhere.

I tried to make her birthday special even though we couldn’t do anything fancy with a bunch of people. Thankfully, she is always happy with a walk by the lake and some ice cream.

Aleena started M3 year on May 18. Her class was online and she spent her time at home preparing for clerkships. This would be the year she entered the hospitals to work. With the craziness going on in the hospital, her clerkship schedule changed drastically. Each of her rotations were shortened and she wouldn’t get into her first rotation until the end of June.

June

We made a day trip to Cuyahoga Falls just outside Cleveland, OH. We had never been there and it seemed like a good place to site see. We drove over early in the morning and hit up some of the major spots and hiked around on trails.

We intended on staying for a nice dinner, but made the decision to head home a little early. It was about a 3 hour drive and it was nice to drive home in the daytime. I made up for the change in dinner plans by making a seafood bake in my smoker!

July

4th of July wasn’t cancelled, but it was significantly smaller than 2019. We don’t usually do anything extravagant for the 4th, but this year we didn’t have the option. It seemed that most people had smaller events.

Aleena was busy with her surgery clerkship and I was working. We started getting comfortable with long days and early bedtimes.

August

The month of my birthday! As with everything that happened this year, we didn’t do anything extravagant. I usually prefer to go out to eat with my wife and spend some quality time with her. We were still able to do that which is good.

September

After all the rescheduling it was finally time for my wife to prepare for Step 1 (again…). Most of September was spent with her studying at home. We would go to the parks to give her a break and enjoy the nice weather.

October

My wife was able to get into a testing location in October. It wasn’t an easy, or short, road to this point but it was worth it. The studying and isolation was hard on her, but I believe it made her stronger today. By the end of the month we found out she passed! We were incredibly grateful for the outcome after such an unexpected road. At the end of October was Halloween, which was greatly disrupted by the pandemic.

November

Celebrating Thanksgiving was much different for us this year. Last year we were able to host some of the medical students at our house for a small celebration. This year we were not able to do so due to group size, so maybe next year. We were able to safely see our families for the holiday. It was really important for my wife to spend some time with her parents.

December

The holidays came around. We managed to spend some time with my family and with hers. It can get hard at time to spend a late Friday night driving to our family’s homes, but we enjoy their company. My wife spent most of her break with her parents. This way she wouldn’t be alone during the week. Maybe next year we will be back to normal, or at least something similar to 2019.

Closing Thoughts

For those that know my wife, you know that my wife is tough. She has accomplished more in medical school than I feel I did during all of my schooling. She has been persistent and composed through medical school in testing and studying. Now that she is working in hospitals she has been able to put the rest of her talents to good use.

2020 was much different than any year we had experienced in our lifetime. Lots of restrictions were placed on what we can do outside of our home. We are hoping that 2021 will bring better news and be more prosperous for us all.