Category: The Negatives

Some of the biggest life challenges for medical students

The Lows are Low

November 18, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. All of us have felt this at some point. Whether we get sick or have a family member pass, there will be a time when we are not happy. And that’s ok. When life is going well and we are on the ups, the downs can hit us hard.

My wife has had hard experiences during her life that have crippled her mentally, and made it hard for her to complete daily tasks. She is tough, but not invincible. Recently she made a post on social media that I think is worth sharing. The female perspective is different on these topics than mine, and that’s good. My wife feels and notices a lot more in some aspects than I do.

My wife is amazing and wrote this really well. She has been having a lower time in her life, though things are going well. Some of the frustration for her seems to come from where we are in life. There are a lot of decisions to be made and she feels like we are kind of stuck. Read the following message from her and see if you can relate.

“This is important. Pay attention.

What does depression look like to you?

I want to be honest. Like really honest. My timeline is full of happy pictures. Smiles and love. Family and friends. Next steps in my medical school journey. Memories of good times. That’s all great and life is full of wonderful moments…

But.

Life also has valleys. Times of sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and fear.
And when I find myself in those valleys, they just seem a little deeper and a little darker than others.

“Aleena, why are you sad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, why are you mad?” … I don’t know.
“Aleena, let’s go out” … maybe another time.
“Why aren’t you reading?” … I don’t want to.
“Why don’t you take pictures?” … I don’t have the energy.
“Let’s take a walk.” … I don’t know if I can move.

“Well if you don’t know, then why stay sad? Why stay angry? Why worry?”
…
I don’t know.

And I’m being honest. I don’t have an answer for these questions.

Please know I know that God has a plan for me. Please know that I know that there is good all around me. Please know I know it doesn’t help to focus on the negative. Please know I know it’s not productive to worry. Please know I know my God is in control. Because I know all this. It doesn’t change the fact that the valley is still deep and dark and it will take me time to climb out of it.

I’m so excited for each new rotation. I’m so excited to pick my specialty. I’m so excited to be an aunt. I’m so excited for the holidays. I’m so excited for Jacob and I’s next steps. I’m so excited for our future, my future.

I know things will get better, but right now, it’s about surviving. And surviving is enough. Surviving is good. Surviving is the first part of climbing out.

Please don’t worry or freak out. I’m ok. I am loved and taken care of. As my husband told me today, I have an army behind me ready to help and I am thankful for every single one of them.

So. If you happen to find yourself in the deep, dark valleys… I see you. I understand.

And I’m here. For the car rides. For the coffees. For the smoothies. For the silence. I’m here. And we survive together. We climb out together.

This year has been tough on all of us. Check in on each other. Realize that sometimes words can’t describe how someone is feeling. Just be there. That’s enough. And remember, valleys can’t be valleys without the mountain tops. You just have to keep moving forward ❤️

With love, Aleena”

My Learnings

I hear from my wife when she has had a bad day, week, or month that she doesn’t want to do much. It’s not easy for me to communicate with her because I tend not to get a response. I choose to make the decisions for her and nudge her to come with me to get out and avoid just sitting on the couch. I find it beneficial for her and it helps me to better understand her.

I’m still learning how to help her and handle these low points. My goal isn’t to make her happy instantly, but to make sure she knows that I am here. I try to make sure that she knows she is safe, loved, and things will get better. I have found some success in taking her out on a drive or to a park. Getting her mind off whatever she is thinking about and more into explaining and talking to me seems to help. It can be hard for her to talk, and hard for me to understand but it is beneficial for both of us.

Take time to listen. Take some mental notes and find some strategies to keep your spouse happy. Find what they need, which may not be what they want. Be patient, kind, and cautious. Use this time to learn about your spouse and do your best to be there to help them.

The “Dark and Twisty” Place

November 13, 2020 / Aleena Brown

This is Important. Pay Attention.

What does depression look like to you?

I want to be honest. Like really honest. My Facebook timeline and Instagram feed are full of happy pictures. Smiles and love. Family and friends. Next steps in my medical school journey. Memories of good times. That’s all great and life is full of wonderful moments…

But.

Life also has valleys. Times of sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and fear.

And when I find myself in those valleys, they just seem a little deeper and a little darker than others.

“Aleena, why are you sad?” … I don’t know.

“Aleena, why are you mad?” … I don’t know.

“Aleena, let’s go out” … maybe another time.

“Why aren’t you reading?” … I don’t want to.

“Why don’t you take pictures?” … I don’t have the energy.

“Let’s take a walk.” … I don’t know if I can move.

“Well if you don’t know, then why stay sad? Why stay angry? Why worry?”

…

I don’t know.

And I’m being honest. I don’t have an answer for these questions.

I know things will get better, but right now, it’s about surviving. And surviving is enough. Surviving is good. Surviving is the first part of climbing out.

Please don’t worry or freak out. I’m okay. I am loved and taken care of. As my husband told me today, I have an army behind me ready to help and I am thankful for every single one of them.

So. If you happen to find yourself in the deep, dark valleys… I see you. I understand.

And I’m here. For the car rides. For the coffees. For the smoothies. For the silence. I’m here. And we survive together. We climb out together.

Compounding Fatigue

August 26, 2020 / Jacob Brown

Being the spouse of a medical student, I have been able to be an onlooker behind the scenes of becoming a doctor. I try to pay attention and listen to my wife to gain knowledge in what she is doing, and how she is doing. It is not always easy to tell if she is doing well or not, but there are days it is obvious. Do you feel exhausted? Are you struggling to focus because you are tired? You are not alone. Lots of medical students feel this way.

She is currently in her rotation with Family Medicine, her first rotation was General Surgery and second being Orthopedic Surgery. So far, she has not been stressed as much in this specialty as she was during surgery. She has been at the hospital for a week to experience family medicine, so it may be too early to make any real conclusions. It appears to me that most of the stress she was experiencing during surgery was not so much the work, but the time. Surgery took up a lot of time in her day, and she still had to study for other work at the same time.

Her hardest days do not seem to revolve around a specific event, but is caused by a series of difficult days. Most of the hardships seem to stem from lack of sleep and rest, which has other repercussions. To further explain, it is like filling a 5 gallon bucket with 1 gallon of water each day. On a day where she gets a perfect nights sleep, 1 gallon of water would be drained from the bucket. On a bad nights sleep, there might only be 0.5 gallons of water will drain, leaving 0.5 gallons in the bucket. If this cycle continues for multiple days in a row, the bucket can fill completely and overflow. This is what I would say is a “breakdown day”, where the stress reaches a maximum and she has a hard time getting stuff done. If at this point if the cycle isn’t broken, the days of being overly stressed will continue. On the other hand, if she can get better rest, the days of overly stress can reduce and she functions better.

We have been trying to find ways to reduce her stress and help her keep going in school. Weekends need to be more oriented around things she enjoys, and time away from chaos. I’m not sure we will ever find a perfect solution, but we will keep trying to find new ways to help. Some activities that seem to help right now are taking walks (and talking), riding bikes, watching tv, and playing video games. Some other things that she enjoys doing are reading and completing coloring books.

What we have learned.

Something that we learned and I continue to remind my wife is how these hardships may feel like they will destroy her, and in the end will build her up. Though it is hard now, she will one day benefit from the hard work she is putting into this time in life. As she continues to persevere through the pain, fatigue, and emotional stress, she will become stronger. At the completion of this goal, she will become a doctor and will have many opportunities to help people. This will also fulfill one of her dreams.

It is key to have rest, as it is just as important as work time. Making sure that she rests will help her run and prevent burnout. Medical School is only 4 years, but these are hard years. There are more challenges now, than previously in the students academic career. Get a good nights sleep, eat well, and find a hobby you can do in your spare time. It will make a big difference in your productivity, and happiness.