Author: Jacob Brown (Page 2 of 7)

The Struggle of a Compromise

November 17, 2022 / Jacob Brown

Compromising in a relationship is especially important and difficult. We can’t properly live getting everything we want at the expense of our significant other. Both parties in a relationship have ideas, aspirations and goals that they’d like to achieve. If we are taking everything from them and not giving in return, I don’t think we can truly have a strong relationship.

I think one of the hardest things for us in life is feeling that we are losing. I played sports through college and know that it’s hard to have the feeling of losing. The idea of giving up something I really want for something less desirable is very unappealing. I think it helps to look at it from the perspective of instead of “losing” something, I am trading it for something else. Let’s take a look at the definition of compromise as it will help us to fully understand why it is difficult.

Compromise:

a: settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions

b: something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things
merriam-webster.com

I bolded the word concessions because it is important to understand the idea of a compromise. In order to compromise, we must be willing to concede on some of our wants or ideas. Compromise means that we give up something, in order to find middle ground so both parties can be happy with the outcome – it is important to note the outcome CAN’T be what either party originally wanted. Both parties must trade something they want for something their significant other wants.

Concessions:
a: the act or an instance of conceding (as by granting something as a right, accepting something as true, or acknowledging defeat)

b: the admitting of a point claimed in argument
merriam-webster.com

In our society, we have created the idea that if we give up anything (such as a want) or concede on an idea, that we have now lost. I don’t think that this concept applies to marriage, but it does in other aspects of life. By giving up something we wanted for something our spouse wants, we do not lose. We are not LOSING anything at all, but trading it. When I compromise in a relationship I am TRADING something that would ONLY make ME happy, for something that will make our significant other happy (and me). I don’t think that it should be viewed as losing, but as giving or trading to share happiness.

Example:
Husband: I want to buy a brand new truck because it won’t have mechanical problems. I am not worried about the cost, but I want all the amenities. I intend on spending $50,000 to get a fully loaded vehicle.
Wife: I want my husband to be safe in a new vehicle and don’t care for all the amenities. I don’t want to spend $50,000 – I want to spend $35,000 so we still have money for Christmas and vacation.

How could a compromise work in this situation?

Compromise: They buy a lightly used truck (25,000 miles) that has all the amenities for $37,500. This compromise makes it so the husband is in something reliable and they still maintain having money for Christmas and vacation. Both parties got something they wanted – husband in a new vehicle – and both conceded on an item – brand new and price – to make it work.

So why compromise?

I think that it’s healthy for humans to be uncomfortable and not always get what they want. When we are uncomfortable we learn things that we wouldn’t otherwise. When we don’t get what we want, we may learn that we don’t really need it anyway. I feel that this happens to me quite often.

Compromising is a way that we can show our spouse we love them. It’s like saying, “I know you really want this, so I will give up something I have to make it possible for you.” We are a team working toward a common goal, so why not work to boost each other? On the flip side, I think relationships that don’t consist of compromises are unhealthy. It seems to me, most relationships without compromises are fairly selfish. What’s the point of being married if we aren’t going to work together? Single people don’t have to make compromises with anyone.

Compromising is a way that we checkup on ourselves. I like to think about what I am willing to trade when my wife and I compromise. There are times when I feel attached to something that I shouldn’t be, but am. Is a new toy worth having my spouse upset with me? Is going out with my friends instead of spending time with my wife worth fighting over? I think there are times when we should think, “Can I give this up (is it that important to me)?”

Compromising is not easy but is necessary for a relationship to thrive. Compromising is how we work on our skills of coming to agreements with our spouse. Mixing the ideas of each person is important in creating a diverse home as well. If I got everything I wanted at the expense of my wife, our home would look much different. It is crucial that we are willing to give up our wants to build our relationship.

Can I show my spouse support without feeling as if I made a decision for them?

October 8, 2021 / Jacob Brown

I have discovered that it is harder to help my wife make decisions in medical school than initially anticipated. There are lots of big decisions that have to be made, now that school is coming to an end. We are looking at residency programs that would be a good fit for us on the next step of the journey to become a physician.

The programs are much more than just school. There is a chance we will be moving depending on the outcome from the Match. So not only does residency affect her, but it will also affect me and our baby that is on the way. If we move, I will end up changing jobs and we will live in a new area. Considering the factors that will directly affect me, how do I help her to make the BEST decision for her while considering myself and our baby?

I want to begin with two common “NO NOs” when it comes to supporting our spouses and SOs. They are more common than you would think and cause lots of friction and falling out of relationships.

You can make the decision, it’s YOUR life.

This is a phrase that I would avoid. I know people say this to their spouse or significant other during this time, but it puts unnecessary pressure on the Medical Student and removes the other party from the situation. The med student cares about the spouse or SOs opinion and refusing to talk through ideas and give advise is lazy and not encouraging.

My wife cares what I feel is the best decision. I tend to rationalize thoughts and find ways to quantify decisions I make when it comes to this type of stuff. It isn’t an easy decision. The med student is trying to make a decision that will affect them now (the next 3-5 years) and ultimately forever as they are choosing their specialty. Finding a way for me to have input isn’t easy either. It would definitely be easier if I just told my wife, “ you pick what’s good for you, I don’t have a preference,” but it doesn’t help. She cares about me, and I her, so I should try to help because she wants what’s best for US, not just herself.

An Unruly Ultimatum

Ultimatums are not good ways of showing you are dedicated. Offering support only if your spouse or SO give in to what we want is a good way to cause friction. If we are in a relationship with our SO that operates off ultimatums, is it worth taking to residency?

Now for some positive points!

Don’t worry about me.

I have a hard time explaining this to my wife, but it’s true. No matter where we go or what we do she shouldn’t worry about me. I have been able to find happiness in our relationship being in Kendallville, IN and Warsaw, IN and Toledo, OH. Why does location matter? I will find some sort of job to help us and we will find a home. I truly feel that as long as we are together I will find happiness. I’m pretty tough and haven’t let anything get to me too bad so far on this journey. We work to keep our marriage strong and I don’t think being in our current location or a new one will change that.

Don’t let my WANTS put you in a spot that doesn’t give you what you NEED.

I joke with my wife that she should have applied for programs in Texas so I could hunt for pigs. It would be really fun and give opportunities for new adventures, but is it what we need? We have realized that being close to family is more important than fun adventures at this time in our lives. There will be time for all the fun adventures, but moving 1,000 miles away so I can hunt pigs during residency isn’t our best decision. It would definitely be fun, but not what is best for our family.

McDonalds is always hiring.

Not only is McDonalds always hiring, so are other fast food chains and businesses. I will find a job anywhere we are because it is what our family needs. I am here to support her and provide what we need to get through school.

Ideally I would find a job in the engineering or manufacturing field, but it may not happen for a while. At least temporarily, I can provide for us in any way needed to have an influx of cash. Residency also pays the doctors, so maybe I will just become that trophy husband early and finally get the abs I’ve always wanted.

We are worth considering, but you are our #1.

Making the residency decision based on our family is important. Very important. We are along for the ride until you finish medical school and we appreciate being considered. That being said, the residency program choices are for the doctor. The doctor is the one attending and will be having the most experiences. We (Charlotte and I) will find ways to make life work. We can change lots but the doctor can change little.

Is it possible?

Yes! I would say the biggest key to not feeling as if I am influencing too much is to talk and communicate. There have been a lot of things discussed that I wanted that she also wanted. If we don’t communicate I would feel as if I want something that she doesn’t. We are a team and are working toward a goal together. Being open to discuss possible changes, wants and needs is a good start.

A final key would be to NOT make demands that are impossible or selfish. It’s okay to state that we don’t want to live somewhere that could be hazardous. Demanding something like, “I am not going with you to residency unless we live in a 10,000 square foot mansion with gold inlaid marble floors is unreasonable.” Well, it is for me but maybe not someone reading this. Is your particular demand truly needed?

For Aleena – We have your back as we are in this together to support you. We want you to become the best doctor possible and will have fun along the way! You got this!

The Full Fledged Adult

August 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

It is interesting that when we are young we wish to be older. We want more responsibility, more power and more freedom. We want to be able to do what we want on a Friday night or stay up late when we have school the next day. We want to spend our money freely without any cares in the world. Most of these things only fall upon our shoulders as we grow older and become adults. At what age are we expected to have grown enough to reach adult status? 16? 18? 21? 26? 30?

When I was 16.

I remember when I had turned 16. I was just barely old enough the drive, much less pay for my own gas. Who has enough money coming in to drive a pickup truck at age 16 anyway.

I had finally gotten my first cell phone. In my family, we got our first cell phone when we could drive so we had it for emergencies. That doesn’t mean we weren’t allowed to use it for texting or calling friends, but the primary purpose was for safety.

Oddly enough, at 16 I was old enough to date my (now) wife as well. Well, she wasn’t my wife at the time but became my wife a few years later. I wasn’t permitted to date until I could drive which makes sense. Who wants their parents coming with them on their date? Other than financial reasons I’m gonna pass on that one.

Hitting 18.

At the time, 18 truly felt like we were adulting. We were now legally able to purchase tobacco products, lottery tickets, vote and register for the draft. Old enough to be a high school senior but not quite old enough to be in college. Most of my classmates had jobs after school to fund their lifestyles.

I wasn’t one of the people who worked a full time job during high school. Between sports over the summer and some minor work for money, I was pretty busy. After graduation I worked before my first year of college. Some of my college classmates did not work after high school and instead travelled and toured the country on their parents’ dime.

My first job was on the second shift at recycling processing facility. I did a lot of grunt work that involved shoveling dirt and running material handling equipment. It was a dirty job for sure, but I learned valuable life lessons. Some of which are “how to work hard” and “why college can be beneficial.” I learned one very valuable lesson that I learned quickly.

“I want to go to and finish college so I don’t have to do this job again.”
Jacob Brown

Growing to 21.

Becoming 21 gave a whole new set of responsibilities. For one, we were now able to legally purchase alcohol. I was in my junior year of undergrad when I turned 21, and had been married for a few months. I attended a college that prohibited the consumption of alcohol for athletes which was fine. I never really had an interest in taking up drinking.

When I was 21 I was paying for most everything needed to live. College finances are difficult because in order to live a person needs money. In order to have money a job is needed. In order to have a job there has to be time. College athletes may have more trouble than other students because of practice and competitions. Working during the summer only provides so much, which makes it more crucial to stick to a budget. Being a college athlete was my job as I was on a scholarship.

Reaching 26.

For my 26th birthday gift, I was kicked out of my parents health insurance. Not because they wanted me gone, but they could not legally supply it to me. Now I pay for my own health insurance and all other aspects of my life. My wife is still on her parents insurance as she is 25, but soon we will both be independent fending for ourselves.

If there is potential for parents to pay for nearly everything in their child’s life until they are 26, does that make them an adult at that time?

When are we adults?

I have felt more like a true adult lately than ever in my life. Reaching the age of 26 has a new milestone when comparing to previous ages. I have now been presented with the opportunity to be independent and pay for all of my bills and expenses. My wife is pregnant with our first child. She is doing an amazing job taking care of the baby and working hard in medical school. We are getting close to the end of school and she will become a doctor soon, which will present us with more adventures in 2022.

Becoming 26 has truly challenged me to become more of a man and take on responsibilities of life. I feel that I am doing well so far but may need a few more years to practice adulting. It seems that becoming a lifelong learner is not that hard and is a requirement for surviving in this crazy world.

No matter the age I have achieved, my previous years seems more childlike than where I am at today. When I turned 16, I felt as if I was an adult. When I turned 18 looking back on 16, I was just a child. At the time of turning 18 I felt like an adult, but looked more like a child after I turned 21. So what age do we become full fledged adults? It currently feels like 26, but it may take a little more time to pin it down.

City Living: Something I Have Grown Not to Hate

August 12, 2021 / Jacob Brown

For those that know me, I am somewhat an avid outdoorsman. I enjoy spending time looking out over green fields feeling the wind on my face. I enjoy the smell of a fresh breeze with rain approaching from the horizon. It’s relaxing to find the silence that lurks on land full of trees and creeks.

I first moved to a city during college. I started out living in a duplex, sharing a space with my older brother. Living in town during undergrad wasn’t a big deal because I was only 45 minutes from my parents’ house. The importance of my parents’ house (other than seeing my family) was it was where I went to hunt and escape from the restrictions of town. It was important to me that every fall and winter I could take some time during the weekend to enjoy nature. Most of the enjoyment for me involved sitting in a discrete location, watching the sun lift itself above or dissipate beyond the trees. There is a peacefulness to me that is only found in nature.

In early fall the woods feels more full of life than any time of year. The croaking of frogs, the calls of songbirds and buzzing of insects fill the air. A calmness and tranquility lives among the crickets that roar to life as the sun sets. Owls swoop low in the trees on the hunt for prey. A nearly silent predator with just a gentle wisp from its wings glides from tree to tree. It’s hard to describe their silence as they glide. A paper airplane is something that comes to mind. A gentle swoop with a soft landing, only making noise when they choose. A nearly invisible bird that is most easily spotted when they let out a “hoot” or their silhouette.

City Civility

Most of the city scape is removed from an apparent wilderness. A lack of an unimpeded view of nature that is clogged with buildings and vehicles. Few spaces exist where nature can thrive without the hands of humans intervening in its beauty.

Not everything touched by humans turns to gold, but some of it is unique and special. A city park or slow flowing river offers citizens an escape from a concrete jungle. An opportunity is presented for running, hiking and biking. There are pockets where people can take to the water to paddle their way into a daylong adventure. The chance may even present itself for a meal, pulled from the water that gives life to everything in the area.

A past railway has evolved into a highway for those who prefer to travel on sweat and tears (in a good way). We are experiencing a regression from a bustling Industrial Age to a nature focused city environment. These long and narrow paths allow traveling great distances avoiding cars, traffic and the roar of city streets.

The Advantages of the City

Restaurants
1. Most restaurants are located in cities, living in the city makes them much closer.
2. The diversity in restaurants is far greater when compared to a small town.
Gas stations
1. I never have to drive a far distance to fill up my car or fetch fuel for my mower. It’s easy and doesn’t take much time.
2. Fuel tends to be cheaper than a station on a major highway or road.
Cost of Living
1. Living in the city costs less than the country. My wife and I don’t have as much upkeep costs either. We are able to allocate extra money for other fun hobbies and savings.
2. We don’t have a large yard or landscaping, which costs less to maintain.
Distance to Friends
1. Most of our friends live in the city. Living near them makes it easier to hang out or go somewhere together.
2. We can travel on interstate highways to get to friends homes or out of state faster.
The Mailbox
1. Our mailbox is attached to our house.
2. This is not common when living in the country and may require getting wet or cold to get the Mail.
Metroparks
1. My wife and I have enjoyed being close to parks.
2. Parks give a similar feel to being out in nature, which we enjoy.

Disadvantages

Hobbies
1. I have a hard time doing all my hobbies living in the city.
2. I enjoy hunting and fishing which means I have to drive further to find a spot.
Distance to Neighbors
1. Our neighbors are only 20 ft away from our door which gives us less privacy.
Space to Relax
1. We have a small yard and a view of other houses from our porch.
2. Having a better view from the house would be nice.
Restrictions
1. There are tasks I enjoy doing that can’t be done in my yard. As an example, I can’t build a bonfire as big as I want due to city restrictions.
Distance to family
1. We are currently living 2 hours from our family.
2. This isn’t really an issue with being in the city, but being in a different city/state.

A Life of Senioritis

August 5, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Wikipedia defines Senioritis as: a supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a decline in motivation or performance. (Since Senioritis isn’t a real word, Webster’s couldn’t be used for reference)

Well let me tell you that the use of “supposed” is way out in left field. Senioritis is one of the few diseases with lots of symptoms but is difficult to diagnose. For those who have been to high school, this is real. For those who have gone through college know that Senioritis is real. And above all, those who are working to become doctors know that this is real! I applaud my wife often for her persistence in wanting to become a doctor.

My wife is in her fourth year now, which has many changes from third year. She doesn’t go to a physical classroom, but has some online classes. Most of the work involving fourth year students is in a hospital or clinic setting, where they learn more hands-on. My wife sees patients on a regular basis, which is much different than learning from textbooks.

One characteristic of a fourth year medical student that tends not to be found in first year students is Senioritis. I remember when my wife and I were in high school during our senior year. Both of us just wanted it to end so that we could get on with the next phase of our lives. We encountered the same circumstances toward the end of Undergrad. We were looking forward to the time when we would venture to Toledo for her to become an MD.

My Perspective

If I were in her shoes, I would want to get out about now. She has completed elementary, middle, and high school. Then went on to college and is about to complete graduate school. To track time we can figure that K-12 is 13 years, undergrad is 4 years and medical school is 4 years. That means that this spring she will have spent 21 years of her life working to become a doctor in schooling. That’s so much! I thought that ending after undergrad was plenty for myself.

She has felt the strain of being in education for so long, but has been strong and pressed on to reach her goal of becoming an MD. For me, completing a 4 year degree after grade school was plenty. School isn’t my favorite thing and I’m sure others feel the same. We are excitedly looking forward to the next steps in her education and our lives.

Senioritis tends to be negative but there are positive attributes that can make it beneficial for people. Longing and striving to reach goals is important for health in our lives. A challenge too great could result in failure, but how do we know that we have given it our all? It is difficult to know when we have given too much or too little. Something to keep in mind is to strive to avoid burnout and maintain motivation.

How We Manage

Experiencing Senioritis can make us stronger and more comfortable with being uncomfortable. It is difficult for us to become stronger, better, or more efficient without being challenged. I think one of the greatest remedies is motivation from those around the student. If you’ve ever tried doing things that make you uncomfortable and unmotivated by yourself, it’s not easy. I still tell myself (nearly) every day that I’m going to workout when I get home, but haven’t been consistent in participating. It’s not that I don’t want to do it, but it’s difficult to self motivate after a long day at work.

I choose to rally behind my wife through being vocal with her because my wife’s love language is “words of affirmation.” I have used this as the primary means of motivating her throughout medical school. I make the effort to tell her on a regular basis that I think she is doing a great job. Our families send her messages before tests and are eager to hear the results when she is done. We (our families) set out to encourage each other in each other’s lives.

Working through hardships of school and being anxious for the next steps of life has been a constant battle. It is normal to feel this way. I don’t think that it’s something that we can totally get over, but we can do our best to keep pressing on.

The Marriage Scorecard

June 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

For whatever reason, one of my least favorite sayings when it comes to marriage is “yes dear.” It’s popular that husbands give this as advice for newlyweds on how to have a good marriage. I don’t disagree that there are times to just go with the flow and agree with my wife. There are plenty of times that I go with the flow and agree with her. I disagree that the #1 most important thing a husband can do in marriage is go with the flow. There is more to having a good marriage (happy and prosperous) than just saying “yes dear.”

Perhaps there is an association between “yes dear” and “happy wife, happy life.” Having a happy wife is extremely important in marriage. One of our duties as husbands is to help our wives. It is important to help our wives achieve their goals and get where they want to be in life. One key point that I think is forgotten when stating “happy wife, happy life” is our own happiness as husbands. There are times where what we need to do for the benefit of our marriage isn’t fun, but we should strive not to sacrifice our happiness for the sake of our spouse’s. We are a team working together for a common goal, and if one of us benefits at the demise of the other, I think we are losing. On the other side of the equation, the goal of the wife should not be to demand work and things from the husband at his expense.

As an example of this, if we spend all of our money (our collective income) and time doing things to please our wives it can have a negative effect on our relationship. The way that it can have a negative effect is IF our wives don’t show gratitude or appreciation for our efforts. I enjoy doing things for my wife that make her happy, but there is a limit to where it can become work. I don’t work for my wife but do things I want to do so that she can achieve her goals. We are joined in marriage to be a team, not a master and servant. I enjoy doing things for her to make her happy.

Giving = Happiness

From my perspective, marriage is a balance. There is give and take, but if there is not give from both sides, the balance becomes shaky. I’m not saying that there is equal give and take because that’s not true. I believe that in a marriage we give without keeping score because we will never be even. Just to reiterate that idea, we will NEVER be even. If we keep score, we will more than likely be upset with how much our spouse contributes. It appears to be better to strive for goals together without keeping score because in the end we are in this together.

We can see this same concept when looking at all concepts of our relationship. If we focus on what we are owed, we will never be satisfied. The reason that we jump into marriage is not because there is something in it for us, but what we can accomplish together. There are advantages to being married that can primarily relate to one of us, but they are not the main focus.

“Yes Dear”

I find it more useful at times to instead of say “yes dear”, to say “why dear.” Instead of just getting to know what my wife wants or needs, I can further learn about her. Maybe she wants a cookie or to go out with her friends. If I just said “yes dear” I could be missing out on conversation or a moment to deepen my relationship with my wife. I like to use the times where we want or need something from our spouse as a time to grow our relationship, instead of just being a complying husband. I am a complying husband (at least I try to be) most of time, but I enjoy knowing why my wife may want certain things.

I don’t ask “why” because I don’t trust my wife. I ask because there’s a reason why we ask each other questions or have requests. I ask my wife all the time if I can buy things for hunting and fishing expecting her to ask why I need to buy it. She knows more about why I own things than other people because we ask questions. If I were to tell her, “Hey, I’m going to buy these fishing rods” I would expect her to ask why I need them. The amount of money that will go into that venture could or will change our finances. Our finances affect both of us, so she has the right to know.

So go out there and ask your spouse questions. Find out why, where, and when. Ask them what their aspirations are in life and what they dream of doing. Deepen your relationship and work together to help each other achieve their goals. Don’t let the conversation end with “yes dear.”

A Motherly Moment I Will Never Forget

May 12, 2021 / Jacob Brown

This past weekend I was able to spend time with my mother and show her that I appreciate her. I make regular trips back to Indiana with my wife, so I see her often, but Mother’s Day is a more specific day to show our appreciation. There have been many times that I made the trip back to Indiana to see my parents specifically. Being further from home than before (during undergrad) has made the dynamic of our relationship change. I’d like to think that we depend on them less now that we are further away, but I’m not so sure that change has really happened at this time. I feel like we all need our parents and the role of being a mother or father never truly ends.

I have the greatest Mother. You may be thinking that you have the greatest mother, but that just can’t be true (unless you are one of my 5 siblings). My mother is the strongest woman that has influenced my life and I am very grateful. The primary reason that I have the best mother is that she has given so much effort to make sure we are happy (and fed). Obviously, part of my reasoning was going to revolve around food. Looking back now, I can see that she did a lot more for me than I thought at the time. We tend not to see the true effort that someone puts into us until later.

My parents have dedicated a lot of time and energy to us to make sure that we will succeed in life. Our parents teach us nearly everything while we are growing up. I tend to share a lot of the same interests of my mom, which may be why we enjoy spending so much time together. I like cooking and doing projects with her, but I haven’t been able to do as much since moving to Ohio. She is a great baker and nearly always has cooking lying for snacks.

A Short Story

When I was in elementary school, I was an amazing student. Probably. I’m not really sure since my favorite subject was recess and I usually waited all morning for lunch time. Maybe I was actually the stereotypical grade-schooler playing kickball at recess, forgetting to do their homework, and doing nearly anything for candy.

My mom put in the effort to drive us to school everyday instead of taking the bus. Taking the bus would have resulted in a long ride and leaving home very early. It would also have resulted in getting home later, so my parents decided that they would take us to school. I greatly enjoyed being dropped off by my mom and having her pick me up from school. It was way more fun to finish my last class and run out of the school looking for my parents’ blue van instead of being packed into a school bus.

I feel like I never made it easy on my mom, though she was putting out the extra effort to help us. One of the most common strains I (and my siblings) put on her was forgetting something at home on our way to school. I would typically forget my agenda at home and sometimes my entire backpack! I must have been carrying it around, got distracted and put it down somewhere I couldn’t remember.

My typical scenario would be as follows:

Mom: Get in the van and don’t forget your backpack.

Me: Okay!

Arrives at school

Mom: Have a good day! Do you have all of your stuff?

Me: Ahh! I forgot my backpack.

Mom: *sighs* I will go get it and drop it off at the principals office for you.

Me: Thanks!

Mom flies home to grab backpack so I don’t fail 2nd grade. Returns to school with lightning speed.

I would then sit in class and wait for the principal’s office to call my teacher so I could go get my backpack with all my school stuff inside. As an upside, we only lived about 10 minutes from the school but this put a lot more strain on my mom. I never heard her complain about any of these shenanigans with us forgetting our school stuff at home, just a reminder every time not to forget so she didn’t have to drop it off for us.

Thank You

Thank you Mama for everything that you have done for us. I really appreciate you and someday might be able to pay you back for all the round trips bringing me my backpack. Until I figure out how to ever make it even, I will have to just say thank you, Happy Mothers Day and soon birthday.

Stealing a Precious Moment in Time

April 13, 2021 / Jacob Brown

My wife and I wanted to capture more of our lives which resulted in purchasing a camera just before last Christmas. I made a post a while back on what we were going to purchase, but I haven’t taken the time to put together a summary of how we are enjoying ourselves. We have been able to secure taking photos of my friends and family which has offered good practice. It has taken some time to get good practice, but we are getting closer to feeling comfortable taking photos for others. Taking photos for others is one of my goals in this venture, but there is a lot of practice required before feeling comfortable. I don’t want to take photos of someone just to have all of the photos be bad or have some sort of flaw. This is probably one of my greatest fears in photography!

My Brief Analysis

I’m not going to write a review of the camera that we purchased because there are plenty on the internet. I have not experienced the camera long enough to write a strong detailed review, but maybe someday. We made the decision to purchase a Sony Mirrorless camera. Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t purchase the tried and true DSLR. The reason we did not purchase a DSLR is… there really isn’t a reason against the DSLR. We purchased a mirrorless camera in part because it is newer technology but I also thought that it would be fun to try. I know people with DSLR cameras and I thought it would be fun to try something different. The biggest difference that I have seen between it and a DSLR, is having a screen inside the viewfinder. This has been very nice and seems to have made taking photos easier than with a DSLR. The quality that we have gotten from the camera is very high. I think that a lot of the photos we’ve taken are professional quality. I have found that if I want to take easy photos, I can set it up to be just as easy as a smartphone.

Having the ability to manual focus has been new as well. I have not had the option and it is not a standard feature on smartphones. I have enjoyed getting to pick our point of focus and created more depth in our photos. My wife enjoys taking photos in this fashion that have a lot of bokeh (focusing on an object with lots of blur in the surround objects). I like taking control of the camera and making all of the setting myself even though the camera is pretty smart.

I would say that overall my experience with the Sony Mirrorless camera has been very good. It has only been about 5 months, but it seems that its only getting better.

My Photography Goals

One of my main goals while taking up photography is to capture more of our lives. It can be difficult to take things or materialistic items with us due to being in medical school, but we can take thousands and thousands of photos without much trouble. We are hoping to detail our lives for our own sake so that we can someday share our memories with our families. I have found that most people lost the art of the scrap book, but we want to keep files of our photos in a similar fashion.

After getting good at taking photos I would like to venture out to help others experience the joy of seeing a moment from their lives. It’s not an easy task (capturing a moment from someone’s life in a photo) but it is something that I would like to strive to achieve. My wife is in medical school which makes her pretty busy. I am reaching out to find new hobbies and challenges to fill my time that can also carry over to when my wife becomes a practicing doctor. I am hoping that photography will become a lifelong hobby that we can enjoy together.

Striving For the Job YOU Want

April 1, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Depending on your work situation, it can be hard to stay motivated. There are times where the amount of stress outweighs the apparent reward for all the effort. This is not an uncommon situation for people to fall into, especially when there is a lot of monotony in their work. To further explain this idea, I am going to give a situation that I have seen common to a lot of people that is a good example of this situation.

A Common Situation

Having the feeling of being trapped or in a stagnant state is not uncommon for those in the workforce. I have talked to quite a few people that have had this experience.

To better explain in a realistic scenario, let’s create a character named Hank. Hank works at his job as an accountant crunching numbers day-in and day-out for his boss. He works hard every day, but lately has felt that his work isn’t going as far as it was when he started. He feels like if he puts in 100% effort, he will receive the same amount of recognition as giving less effort. If he only pushes for 80% effort, he still gets all of his work done and does not make any mistakes. After working for his employer for 1 year, putting out all of his effort, he has felt less motivated to push for 100%, and settles for 80% effort. Hank was hoping for a raise by now but has not received what he was hoping to receive from this job. After reaching the 1 year mark, Hank falls into the habit of only giving 80% effort for his work.

As Hank approaches his second year of working for his employer, he is still upset that he has not received as much money as he thinks he deserves for his work. Hank decides to meet with his manager to discuss his current work situation. Hank explains to his manager that he is not getting paid enough at his job and would like more money in order to give more effort. He explains to his manager that he is in a rut and does not feel that his work is very appreciated though he does everything correctly.

Some Analysis

In order to arrive at some possible resolutions, I find it useful to look at possible causes for Hank landing in this situation. Let’s gather some of the facts.

Hank…

gave 100% effort for 1 year at his job.
was hoping for a raise after working for his employer for 1 year.
decided to give 80% effort because he did not feel that his work what worth his effort.
decided to meet with his manager to voice his opinion on not getting a raise.

I think that the first point #1 Hank is doing exactly what he should be doing. That being said, when Hank made the decision to set a price on his effort and reduce his effort the real trouble began. Incidentally, when people take themselves out of the 100% effort output and decide that the reward is not great enough for the input, they dig themselves a hole. When Hank decided to stop putting out all of his effort, he made his chances of a raise nearly 0%. Employers want to see that he is working hard and lately has not. When he approaches his manager and demands more money for his effort, it is a hard sell. Why would an employer pay more money when someone will not give all of their effort? This exact situation is why I like to use the method of “work for the job you want, not what you have.”

It’s not easy, that’s for sure. If we end up in a situation like Hank, putting out all of our effort without an apparent reward, we can feel unmotivated. If we work our hardest and do not receive a raise or reward for our work, it is ok to talk to our employer. The one main point that I would like to make about this is making sure that we are at the highest point we can work toward. If we slack off our work or decide to stop working as hard, how can an employer expect us to work harder if they pay more? It is safer for them to invest into their employees if they are showing that they are willing to go the extra mile. There is another side of this scenario where the employees will never receive a raise or bonus, but it is not as common as you may think.

The Resolution

There may be more resolutions, but following are some that I have recommended to people or have thought are good solutions. Following are some different options that I can see in this situation, but the main thing for me is work hard. Work hard and strive for something greater than what we are being paid to do. That doesn’t mean that we impede on our coworkers and try to take their work in order to make ourselves look good.

Hank should:

continue to work at 100% effort before talking to his manager. Work for the job that he wants, not what he has. His chances of getting what he wants or needs from his employer would have been much easier if he spoke with his manager when the motivational issues began.
talk to his employer if there is anything that he needs to do in order to achieve his own goals.
find a new job if there is no resolution to his situation.

The Great Anticipation for a Match

March 24, 2021 / Jacob Brown

Every year thousands of graduate students pursuing medical degrees wait for a day deemed as “Match Day.” On this day rides the opportunity to hear their next steps in their educational journey. Medical students are required to complete Medical School, then go on their way into a residency program where they learn more within a specialty. This is the time in their learning where they receive specific training and enter their desired field, which includes their first paycheck. Contained within this sweet bonus package is the right to be called by the prefix Dr. For most of the students, this is a time of excitement that is closely followed by an excess of stress.

The Match

Preceding the famed “Match Day”, is a day where all of the students receive notification that they did, or did not, match with a residency program. This year the students found out on Monday March 15. The fashion in which match day operates seems to be a good process. The students find out if they have matched with a residency program before gathering and opening a letter on match day. If they were to put it all into one ceremony, I can imagine there would be a lot of tears amongst the joy. There would be people that did not match (which happens) trying not to be sad while their colleagues are looking at a piece of paper stating they got what they wanted. The letter that they open on match day states where and what program has accepted them.

The day that the medical students find out IF they matched seems to be much more stressful than WHERE they matched. For us normal people, this is like hearing whether for not we have landed a job. Residency is a paid internship. To set the scene, lets imagine that we went on 10 job interviews at different companies. After completing the interviews, we get an anonymous email saying that we have landed a job, but we have to wait until Friday to learn which one. On one hand, we learned that we have gotten a job which is exciting! The only catch is that we don’t know which job (what our job will be or where). I do not know a lot about the specifics of what happens when students don’t match, but it can be a tough situation.

Match Day

The infamous Match day is when the medical students are assigned where and what job (internship) they have landed after graduation. This is an extremely exciting time for them as they are becoming doctors! From what I understand, traditionally all of the medical students that have matched with a program meet for “Match Day.” The students gather together in an event hall to open their letters with their invited family members and fellow students. This is especially exciting because they have been waiting for a few days to hear where they will be going for the next 3-7 years (may not be exactly that depending on their specialty). The full ceremony did not happen this year due to COVID-19 restrictions. Some of my friends that are in their 4th year were able to video call their parents to share the moment of opening their letter.

The Importance

From my perspective, Match Day signifies everything that the medical students have been working for in the past 4 years. All of the blood, sweat, and tears that have been shed are now paying off. When they take the next steps of their journey they will now have acquired the prefix Dr. More importantly, they will finally get paid for their hard work! Medical school is not quite complete at match day, but they are practically standing at the finish line. When my wife has match day, she will still have a couple weeks remaining in 4th year to complete.

Taking the next step in the process of becoming a practicing doctor will be a relief. To remind you (the reader) most of the medical students are 26+ years old and will finally have their first job! I have talked to quite a few medical students that have stressed to me their longing to finally get a paycheck and have a job. Residency also allows the students to take more next-steps in life. One of the biggest advantages of residency that I have witnessed for residents (medical students in residency) is their ability to spend and invest money. Advancing to a resident allows them to make large purchases like property and houses. I know a few people that have been able to purchase a home now that they are out of medical school.

It’s not an easy road making it to Match Day, but it is so rewarding. I am excited for next year when my wife and I get to experience it ourselves. We don’t know where we will be going, but we will go together. We will finally reach the next hurdle on the adventure for her to become Dr. Aleena Brown. Stay tuned!