Something that I admire in people is their willingness to take on life changes when it is going to be hard. It can be difficult to squeeze life events into schedules during medical school, but not impossible. Medical school consumes the lives of the students seemingly taking away (or delaying) different life opportunities. Not all students feel this way, but it appears to be this way for a majority of them from my perspective.
I have noticed there are quite a few single people looking to date during medical school. There are a few that meet their spouses during medical school and get married. I am not 100% sure, but I would guess that an even smaller number of couples get married during medical school. It can appear to be better to wait until after medical school, but not to Brent and Karyn.
Brent Veerman and Karyn Schmidt met each other during medical school. They met early in Karyn’s medical school career, and dated for about 20 months before getting married. This timeline currently puts Brent is his 4th year of medical school, and Karyn in her 3rd year. They got married on October 17th, 2020 which wasn’t long ago. Though they have been married for less than a month, they appear to be doing great. I have not heard any complaints, so it seems to be good so far. It takes some time to get used to living with someone, even your spouse. They are both great people with a long and happy marriage ahead of them. There will be more to come in their married lives, but I am primarily going to focus on their dating lives.
Daily Schedule
Seeing as both Brent and Karyn are medical students, it was difficult for them to tell if they were missing out on time together with their schedules. While dating there weren’t many times where one was free and the other was busy. Their schedules tended to align fairly regularly. Karyn doesn’t really see what they could have been missing, but it appears to be because they were so busy. Both of them enjoy cooking, and intend to keep cooking together after marriage. Cooking is a task they enjoy together and it gives them time together, and a meal. From my experience, taking time to cook a meal can build quality time together. I remember talking to Brent about he and Karyn cooking some different items, like potstickers, and how much he enjoys spending time with her.
One thing that seemed to weigh on Karyn while dating was the inability to have a lot of real dates. Real dates would be considered a time where she can go out with Brent to a nice meal, where they can have good conversation. They get to spend time together, but Karyn would prefer to have more time to go on dates. She hopes to have more of these opportunities now that they are married. From my perspective, Karyn enjoys making memories with Brent. It is unfortunate when we don’t have enough room in our schedules to get the amount of quality time that we would like.
Now that they are married, there will be changes in their daily schedules. One huge advantage that I can see is the fact that they get to spend every night together. One burden that I felt while dating was dropping my wife off at her dorm, and I know Brent and Karyn feel that as well. They have also experienced this because Brent and Karyn chose to put themselves in the same position while they were dating. It can be more expensive to live apart paying rent for two different places, but it’s worth it in my opinion. Getting to spend that time in the evening (and morning) with your spouse is one huge advantage for people when they are married. Being able to see your loved one at the end of each day makes a positive impact in their lives.
Stressors
From Karyn’s perspective, one of the biggest stressors for Brent has been choosing a specialty and where he would like to go for residency. This is a very common stressor that I have heard from medical students. One thing that makes the decision hard for Brent is he is one year ahead of Karyn. Depending on where he picks, and is chosen, they could be apart for one year while she completes medical school. It is difficult to balance making the choice between where to go and how far he will be from his wife.
Karyn chooses to help him handle the stress by talking through the stressful situations. This should allow Brent and Karyn to collaborate on big choices. They can put their minds together and share their viewpoints on the decision, which should help them make the decision with less stress. This is going to be a difficult decision for them, but not impossible. I know that I prefer to talk through stressful situations with my wife to make sure that I am making the right choice.
Brent enjoys working out and relaxing with his friends or roommates to handle stress. As everyone might know, exercise is a good stress reliever. That being said, exercise doesn’t relieve all stress on someone’s life. Karyn hopes that being married will allow them to spend more time together and in turn, lessen some of the stress in their lives. This has been the case for me, and for others that I have spoken with. Having someone by your side through your hardships makes a huge difference in the amount of stress accrued.
Extracurriculars
Brent and Karyn don’t have a ton of free time, but they work to make time for personal health. Brent works out regularly and enjoys playing intramural sports like basketball when possible. Karyn works out regularly on her own or with friends, but also spends time doing physical activities with Brent. Some physical activities that they enjoy together are tennis and mini golf.
Brent enjoys taking time for construction and crafting projects. I know that he enjoys doing these things, and I have invited him multiple times to my house to assist me on my projects. He has helped me work in my house, and we have worked on some projects of his as well. He was trying to find something to give Karyn as a wedding gift, so I offered him help so that he could build her gift. Brent spent a lot of time building her gift, and it’s amazing! Brent crafted a live edge maple and epoxy coffee table that will last them for years.
Karyn and Brent both enjoy traveling. Karyn has taken trips to Florida, Maine, and other places during medical school. They have gone on some trips and camped together, occasionally with Brent’s friends. Not really something I’m into, but Brent and Karyn are brave enough to have gone skydiving together! They trust each other a lot, and are enjoying the thrills of life together.
Satisfaction
Something important to keeping mental stamina up is enjoying the task at hand. Karyn knows overall Brent is enjoying his experience in medical school. Enjoying where he is in life will help him to work hard and feel satisfied. Karyn and Brent are able to have conversations daily recapping their experiences. This is something that I have found is much easier after marriage. In my opinion, it’s not hard to have a phone call to recap the day, but it’s a lot better in person. Being able to have an in-depth discussion recapping the day makes a difference in mental health. There are different events that happen during the day that take a toll on medical students. Patient condition, patient loss, and school work are common stressors. Talking about these things helps to reduce stress and can help to have more satisfaction in their work. Karyn is in a more unique situation when compared to me in my opinion. Since she is also a medical student, she can further relate to Brent when it comes to medicine than I will be able to relate to my wife. This offers a new perspective and will help them relate and converse with each other when it comes to medical field experiences. I don’t think that her situation gives a clear advantage over my situation, but it will be more beneficial is some aspects.
Finances
When it comes to students, finances tend to be a simple subject. Most students are forced to live off of loans due to not having income. Brent and Karyn are both medical students, which makes their financial situation tighter than mine. Medical school does not allow them any time during the year for a job. This is different than undergrad, which typically has summer vacation (time to make some money). They are currently living off of assistance from their parents and student loans. Without having steady income from a job it can be harder to live, but Karyn doesn’t feel this way. She feels that they are very fortunate in their lives financially. Part of the blessing is only having student loans through Brent. Paying off his loans will be their main focus as they progress into residency and the workforce.
Final Thoughts
Brent and Karyn put a significant amount of value on spending time together. I know for a fact they try to spend evenings and church together. Free time is hard to find, but they are trying to make it work. They are working together for a common goal, and helping each other along the way. I find this very useful because good mental health can be difficult to maintain with all of the strain becoming a doctor. They are open with each other (especially now that they are married) and can lean on each other when they are struggling. It can be difficult to make big life choices, and they have been working together on communication for a while.
They got married recently and will do great things in their lives and the medical field. As doctors they will work through good times and bad times together. They are able to relate to each other on a deeper level in their personal and professional lives. Valuable skills will be learned through these similarities and differences that they can pass to their kids. Brent and Karyn will be able to raise them with all the intuition and knowledge they have gained during these Med School years.
Getting married during medical school isn’t easy with the demand for time and commitment. Brent and Karyn are showing us that is it possible! Hopefully you (as the reader) can learn tips and tricks from their relationship, and implement them in your life.