It’s been 5 years without you and so much has happened. Every year I write you a letter keeping you updated. Each year it gets a little easier. I guess that’s the funny thing about grief, it’s always there just easier to deal with. Anyway, this year has been exciting. I’ve written you more letters this year than any of the other years because one just isn’t enough.
School: I am in my last year of medical school. The time has flown by, but I am anxious for it to end. It’s been a long road and I’m ready for the next adventure to begin. I decided to pursue family medicine this year and am excited to start residency this summer. I am in the middle of interviewing for residency. So far, I have had 5 interviews and each program has been very welcoming and kind. It will be a difficult decision to make my rank list. Fourth year has been going well! I have been able to do some interesting rotations and gain some insight into some specialties that I will consult in the future. I think these rotations have been a valuable experience and I will be able to take bits and pieces with me as I move forward. My schedule this year was adjusted so I could take leave this spring to take care of Charlotte. I will finish my last day of clinical rotations on January 28th (your birthday). It’s very exciting to think I only have 3 months left. I will admit, it is getting harder to keep my energy up with so much going on right now. Some days are definitely harder than others. I’m thankful for Jacob, Mom, Dad, Christi, and Brian for being such a great support system and checking in on me frequently. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without them.
Jacob and I: This year Jacob and I celebrated 10 years together and 5 years married! It’s amazing to think all that’s happened in those 10 years together and now we are expecting our little girl! Jacob is still working hard both at work and at home. He is still working at Product Movers keeping the shop running. At home, he recently finished remodeling our basement and is now working on the bathroom upstairs. This little home will be brand new just in time for us to move. He has done such a great job in all areas of his life. You would be so proud of him! I know I am. When we found out we were expecting, he was so excited and a little shocked. When we learned we were having a girl, I think he was smiling more than the day he asked me to marry him. He was the first one to call her by her name. We knew who she was as soon as we saw that pink paper. He has been so supportive during the pregnancy and has helped pick up the slack when I was struggling. He deserves a vacation or maybe a hunting trip. Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to surprise him with something like that. We are doing good though. I think you always knew we would be good. You loved him like he was one of your own from the day I brought him to meet you.
Charlotte: I don’t think I could explain to you the amount of joy and excitement I felt when I found out I was pregnant. That joy and excitement was only magnified when I found out we were expecting a girl. We always knew our first girl would be named Charlotte Esther. We both agreed years ago about that. There were lots of tears shed when the positive test showed up and when I saw that pink paper. I couldn’t wait to tell our family! And they were overjoyed. The first granddaughter for the Browns and the first grandchild for mom and dad! Today I am 26 weeks and 3 days. The pregnancy is flying by. I only have a week and a half left in the second trimester. I don’t want to wish away my pregnancy, but I can’t wait for her to be here. At the beginning of the pregnancy, I had very vivid dreams… and you were there. The first dream I told you I was pregnant. I woke up in tears because I had never seen you in my dreams before, and it was so life-like it was hard to face the reality that I wouldn’t be able to tell you in person. A part of me is thankful that we have the ability to dream, because it gave me the chance to tell you I was pregnant. The second dream was before I knew it was a girl. I ran up to you and gave you a big hug and said “it’s a girl, we are having a girl! And her name is Charlotte Esther!” You gave me a big hug and that was the end. I found out a week later that it really was a girl, and I was thankful again for the opportunity to tell you about it. Charlotte is doing great! Her heart rate is consistently in the perfect range, and she is measuring exactly on track for her due date. She loves to move, kick, dance, and wiggle around. It makes Jacob and I both laugh, although we’ve had to talk with her recently that she needs to let me sleep at night. Even though she hates the seat belt in the car and isn’t a huge fan of me sitting up straight, I feel relief every time she kicks. She seems to love music. I’ve found it will calm her down when she gets annoyed. I’m sure that sounds funny since she’s still in utero, but we think she will have quite a big personality! Our baby shower is coming up. I heard most of the family will be there which is really exciting. I’m thankful to have such wonderful families on both sides who are supportive and excited for another baby to join the family. I hope as she grows there’s a little bit of you in there. I hope she loves baking Christmas cookies and listening to music all day. I hope she loves to be outside and go on adventures. I hope she loves animals and the people she meets. We can’t wait to meet her and get to learn about her each day. It will be an amazing job, and privilege, to be her mom.
Looking Forward: We will be incredibly busy this spring. Charlotte will be here before we know it. Match day is March 18th. We will be in the process of moving and finding a new home for our little family. We are hoping to move back to Indiana, but we will see what ends up happening! I will graduate medical school May 20th and will start residency at the beginning of July. It is such an exciting time for our family with lots of changes. Even in those last few days we talked about all these things happening. You knew I would become a doctor and a mother. You were even working on some toddler dresses for my little girl (They were given to me after you passed away). You knew all along how everything would unfold. And every year on October 30, I write you a letter updating you on all the things that have happened, but I assume you already know.
We love you and we will see you again.
With Love, Aleena, Jacob, and Charlotte Esther